Full-Frontal Activism: Intersex and Awesome

Happy Intersex Awareness Day 2011!

2011-10-26T12:38:00.000-07:00

Yaaaaaaaaaaaay

Things that would be awesome to do if you're comfortable:
Talk to someone about intersex today! Refer them to an awesome webpage, organization, blog (!), book, article, documentary, movie, WHATEVER on intersex! Generate a discussion about what intersex is, and that non-consensual medical practices performed on intersex kids needs to end! Let others know that biology can't be shoved into one of two categories, and all bodies are beautiful and worthy of recognition in their own right!

And, if you're in the NYC area, come check out our awesome workshop and performance series, respectively, this Friday at NYU and this Saturday at Bluestockings!

Happy Intersex Awareness Day! Whoo! <3

"I'm Sorry...WHAT Did You Just Ask Me?!"

2011-10-12T14:14:00.000-07:00

Hi, there! Intersex, as we know, isn't a household word, and isn't a concept most people have heard of before. Subsequently, people may want to know things about intersex, but may go about asking intersex individuals about it in a way that feels yucky to the askee. People asking questions really do want to understand intersex, and so they ask what is on their mind. This sometimes results in inappropriate questions being asked, or questions being asked in inappropriate contexts, that end up being stigmatizing and offensive when they likely didn't mean to be.

So, how to do tell people that what they are asking, or the ways they are asking about intersex, is inappropriate? This can be especially difficult when these are loved ones who support and love you, but have made you wince upon hearing a question you really didn't want to address.

I have some ideas about this! (As usual. Ha!)

Here we go!

1) Let them know your boundaries. As stated, I think the vast majority of the time, people ask questions that can be hurtful because they don't know that they're hurtful. But this doesn't mean that intersex individuals have to respond to questions that make us uncomfortable. For example, let's say someone asks, "Oh, you're intersex? Um, what does your...you know...look like?" (I'm using this as an example because, in my experience, this question and subtle variants on it is probably the most common of inappropriate questions about inersex.) Some responses might include, "I'm actually not comfortable answering that question. I'd be happy to talk about intersex in general, but don't really wanna talk about my *own* body. That's private." "What my own genitals look like really won't give you good insight into the variety of ways that intersex bodies may look or function. It's not really relevant. Intersex bodies, in general, [explainexplainexplain]." These responses help make the distinction between talking about intersex in general and talking about the-intersex-person-right-in-front-of-me. This is important because many questions, if asking about intersex in general, may make an intersex individual totally comfortable answering. But when the question is focused directly on THEM PERSONALLY, it can feel invasive.

These next few responses are appropriate for individuals who aren't necessarily trying to be respectful about intersex. Unfortunately, sometimes people aren't interseted in intersex in general, and are kind of just morbidly fascinated by it (OMG IT'S SO WEIRD THAT WE'RE HUMANS, JUST WALKING AROUND AND DOING STUFF LIKE EVERYONE ELSE LAWL WHAT FREAKS, RITE?!). For these individuals, other approaches to answering their questions may be more appropriate.

REMEMBER: How you answer a question is important, and it may affect your physical safety! Be calm and respectful when answering any questions. The reason you may be upset in the first place is because the person asked something inappropriate...being inappropriate in return won't necessarily remedy the situation. It's worth considering that fighting fire with fire doesn't put the fire out - it just potentially creates a bigger fire.

2) Direct a question back to its asker. If a variant of the question, "What do your genitals look like?" is asked, a response might include, "I dunno. What do *your* genitals look like? Can you describe them in detail for me?" Look at them, and wait for a response. This tactic gets across the point that it's not any more appropriate to ask such a question to someone who's perceived as "different" than to someone that's perceived as "normal." People would likely NEVER ask such a question to someone perceived to be a typical "male" or "female." It's just as not-okay to ask these questions to those who may not fit into or identify as one of two categories.

3) Respond to an absurd question with an absurd answer. Let's say we're dealing with the same question - "What do your genitals look like?" A response might include, "Actually, I have a tiny pink unicorn where most peoples' genitals are located. I also have tiny pots of gold instead of nipples, which somes in handy when the rent's due. cha-CHINNNG!" This answer is obviously absolutely ridiculous, which serves to highlight the ridiculousness of someone asking what their genitals look like. If desired, this can totally be delivered in such a way to make the other person laugh and feel sheepish about asking an absurd question, instead of pissing them off.

Also, it's totally okay if you don't feel like having a conversation about intersex! Ultimately, it's the job of everyone to educate THEMSELVES; it's not the job of those who are perceived as "different" to educate members of the majority about whatever they ask/whenever they ask it. If you are not interested in having a conversation at that time, it's your right to not consent to it! Instead, offer some resources that they could check out regarding intersex, like Organization Intersex International (the USA chapter and Australian chapter are good places to start!), various blogs like this one, Intersex Unicorn, Fuck Yeah, Intersex!, Queer Intersects, or The Intersex Roadshow, or books such as Fixing Sex, by Katrina Karkazis.

It's all about better, respectful, non-stigmatizing communication! Let's talk it out, and keep it up!

Any of you all have ideas for how to respond to questions that might be (accidentally) inappropriate or offensive, or other intersex resources you'd recommend?

"Sex Identity"

2011-10-06T12:13:00.000-07:00

Hey, ya'll. There's something I've been thinking about a bunch, and want to discuss.

It's become increasingly common over the last several decades to have discussions about aspects of sex-&-gender-related identites in queer spaces. Slowlyslolwlyslowly, even members of various mainstream societies are beginning to think about this stuff. These forms of identity - whether gender ID, gender presentation, gender performance, sexual orientation - are starting to be recognized as perhaps non-binary, as complex, as non-static, as fluid. As LIBERATING to be able to be yourself, without denying parts of yourself to fit one of two molds when they're (sometimes) not authentic.

Biological sex, though, is one of those things that has not been thought of in terms of IDENTIFYING in a certain way. When we're talking about intersex, I think this is completely appropriate to do so.

People may be more used to thinking about complexity and fludity in gender and sexual orientation because these identities have (nearly?) always been perceived as concepts, and not as physical realities. No one can hold hands with their gender, or squint hard enough and see what someone's sexual orientation looks like. They're inherently perceived as abstract to some degree from the get-go since they don't have physical form. And since they're already abstract concepts, perhaps it's easier to switch metnal trcks and think of these concepts in more complex and fluid ways. (On the other hand, it's worth noting that just because you can't SEE a gender identity doesn't mean that people don't regard them as real, and many accounts show that people will do drastic and horrible things to enforce these "real" norms. So it's not really as simple as all this.)

In the same light, it probably seems very silly indeed to think of sex as an identity. After all, bodies are PHYSICAL things. You *can* hold hands with someone else. You *can* see what they look like walking down the street. What do you need to have a "sex identity" for? You can SEE the person's body. What's to identify about?

Well, when we're talking about intersex bodies, it's not always clear what sex to assign a kid at birth. With other individuals whose gender IDs, performances, presentations, and sexual orientations may be different from what is "expected" of them based on their sex & gender assignments at birth, there was no question as to their sex assignments at birth. "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!" were heralded confidently by clinicians and doulas and passers-by who accidentally got roped into to helping someone give birth when that kid started coming out RIGHT. THEN. When intersex children were born, these proclamations of "It's a ---!" are sometimes replaced with a "Hmmm...what is it?" Unlike the aforementioned individuals who may have complex and non-static gender & orientation identities, intersex individuals' sex must be CHOSEN, and not simply ANNOUNCED.

Intersex kids are born with a mix of traits traditionally considered to be "male" and "female," unlike individuals assigned M or F at birth without discussion and decision-making, who are born with all "male" sex characteristics or all "female" sex characteristics. Such sex characteristics, at this point before puberty are restricted to include external genitals, internal sex organs, hormone types, hormone levels, and chromosomes; later on, things like chest development, nipple development, bone and muscle structure, hip:waist ratio, body hair density and distribution, and others can be included during/post-puberty. Sex assignment for intersex kids (and therefore gender, as well - because they have to "match up," right?!...nooo) is largely (mostly?) based on how big or small certain body parts are. For example, the penis and the clitoris are derived from the same developmental tissue. There are a bunch of different standards that physicians may use that say if the phalloclitors (as it's called) is bigger than this, the child is a boy, and if it's smaller, then the child is a girl. But deciding on what the cutoff points are vary wildly and are arbitrary...not a very objective approach. Ultimately, intersex kids are assigned a sex (and also a gender) at birth. (Hopefully, sex assignment is done without the use of harmful medical practices, such as genital mutilation surgery. After all, it only changes that child's outer appearance...we still have no idea who that child actually IS until they grow up more and can tell us who they are, making non-consensual surgery when these kids are young tragic and unnecessary.)

But what remains is a bias that because biological sex is about physical bodies, "sex identity" is nonsensisical as a concept. For intersex individuals, however, our composites of body characteristics do not fall under typical definitions of what "male" or "female" bodies are like. I think, then, that it's completely appropriate to be able to identify as a biologial sex, in the same way that one might identify one's gender(s), performance(s), presentation(s), and sexual orientation(s).

What we know is that intersex people already identify their biological sex in a variety of ways. They may identify as male, female, as an intersex male or intersex female, as a male that happens to be intersex, as a female that happens to be intersex, as intersex, as their particular form of intersex. Some intersex people maybe identify as having no biological sex, or as something else I have not mentioned. Intersex people may not only identify their sex as one thing throughout their whole lives...it may not be static and change over large or very short periods of time, and may change never, rarely, or frequently.

We are ALREADY identifying our biological sex in various ways, although I have never heard others describing what they were doing as such. I think we need to discuss whether this concept is so ridiculous after all, and try to better understand the range of identities that intersex individuals have/had with regards to biological sex.

What do you think about this? How do you feel about identifying your biological sex?

Intersex Activist Event!: XXY Film & Discussion, Oct 13

2011-10-05T08:41:00.001-07:00

Hi, everyone! Have you seen the film XXY? It's pretty great, in many ways, and is by far the most accurate portrayal of an intersex indiviudal within the entertainment industry to date.

NYU's Office of the LGBT Student Services is showing a screening of this film as a part of their Reel Queer Film Series. Here's the deatils below!

XXY Film Screening
Thurs, Oct 13th
5:30-7:30pm
NYU's Jeffrey S. Gould Welcome Center 50 W 4th St.

I will be present at the event! After the film is over, I'll be serving as a discussant so we can get some conversation and Q&A about intersex going, as pertains directly to the film or in general.

Yay! Come join us! Or, if you can't, check out the film anyway - you won't be disappointed!

Coming Clean to Clinicians

2011-09-27T15:25:00.001-07:00

Hi, there! After all my talk about menstruation a while ago, I have been thinking more about the fact that I have always lied and told doctors that I got my period "on the first of the month." (Does that sound shady? I feel like that sounds shady. Bah.) Well, I don't get my period at all, as a result of my form of intersex, Complete Androgen Insensitivity (CAIS). Recently, this has started to bother me.

It's not a bad thing that I am exclusively read as female and I don't happen to menstruate. I'm not supposed to menstruate - I never was! I'm not ashamed that I don't menstruate, even though it's still kinda weird to think about sometimes since lots of people assume that I do (which as resulted in a variety of uncomfortable to funny situations, as I've detailed previously).

In light of this, I have decided to experiment a little.

I have started to blatantly tell clinicans that I don't get my period when asked.

I've been in the unfortunate position of having pneumonia this past week and some change. (Boooo, it's not terribly fun, but I'm almost better!) I've visited several doctors since then to get checked out, and to get medicine. I decided a few minutes before going into my first doctor's appointment that I just didn't feel like lying about my period anymore to keep up the pretense that I'm "normal." I didn't want to be normal anymore so much as I just wanted to be me.

So I went for it.

I was escorted by a male nurse into a non-descript room in the ER, and was asked all the usual questions, including none other than, "When was your last period?" I paused for a moment, and said, "Um, I don't...get one." "Okay," he said. No raised eyebrows. No whipping his head around from the computer he was enetering all my information into. No slack-jaw and tongue wagging and fainting in front of my eyes. He didn't really care. Nor should he! I was glad he didn't cause a scene or make me feel uncomfortable. Although I did feel a little internal glee as he scrolled through the options in the drop down menu, looking for the you-think-i'd-get-my-period-but-suprise!-I-don't-actually-get-one option to no avail. After a couple of seconds, he just left it blank. MUAHAHA. Intersex FTW!

A while later, I had to get a chest x-ray. (Oh, pneumonia.) I smiled and reassured the technician, no, there was no way in hell I could be pregnant, and donned the ever-fashionable hospital gown once again. I had to fill out another form, this time requiring you to fill in the date of your last menstrual cycle. The space on the form had backslashes already in there, just waiting for you to put in the numbers of that fateful day. I grimaced at the form, and just ended up writing over all the backslashes - "I don't get one," except that it actually looked like "I /don'/t ge/t one." Haha. I was not asked any questions.

Today, now a little over a week since that appointment, I had to go get another chest x-ray as a follow up. I once again indicated on the forms that I don't get a period. (Although I actually wrote, "I don't receive one," which strikes me as funny, since "receive" sounds like I missed out on some sort of gift I might've been getting. Ha.) I figured, well, no one asked me last time. Probably no one really cares. I glided over to the x-ray room, worry-free.

But this technician called me out on it. "Is there any chance that you could be pregnant?" Obligatory grin. "No." "Now, I see here on your form it says that you don't get a period. Can you explain what that means for me?" Cold wave of shock. Ohgodohgodohgod is this awkward, should I tell the truth? "Uh...I was born without a uterus." It was a little painful. Would I have to go into more detail? The tech was really nice. "Oh, okay." "Yeah, there really is NO CHANCE that I'm pregnant, *ha*." She smiled. "Okay, I just had to check." "I know that it's kind of unusual..." Ugh, I wish I had said atypical! Nooooooooo "No, it's not." Smiles again. ...Wait, has she had other patients here getting x-rayed that are read as female, maybe identify as female, that have a similar story? Probably. It's not like we're *actually* rare, even though TALKING about intersex is a rarity. I was really curious, but I didn't feel comfortable asking about anything further (patient confidentiality?), so I let it go and resigned myself to be pressed up against some screens while I held my breath.

All in all, it hasn't been so bad being honest about the fact that I don't menstruate, even though everyone likely assumes that I do. I haven't come out and simply said, "I'm intersex," because, frankly, that's not really informative. There are a lot of intersex variations out there, and individuals with some forms of intersex menstruate, and individuals with other forms of intersex don't. Simply saying, "I'm intersex," won't clarify right off the bat why I don't menstruate, without describing that my form of intersex is CAIS, and blahblahblah, and I'm not entirely certain I want to launch into a whole conversation with a clinician if they're not aware of what intersex is and what I'm talking about. A lot of that still stems from the fact that I'm generally uncomfortable discussing intersex around medical professionals due to my history of medicalization, which has left emotional scars that are still healing. I don't want to re-open any wounds, you know? I'm not sure how I'll proceed with this in the future, but right now, saying that I don't menstruate is a huge first step.

NYC's 2nd Annual Intersex Awareness Day Events: We Have Details!

2011-09-27T15:01:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone! If you're going to be in NYC at the end of October, we'd love to have you at NYC's 2nd Annual Intersex Awareness Day Events series! Come raise awareness, share, and learn with us!

We have fabulous activist Tricia Madison along with me this year, as well as another anonymous activist. Tricia, like myself, is an affiliates of the USA chapter of Organization Intersex International (OII-USA), a global advocacy group helping to raise awareness about what intersex is and to stop non-consenusal and harmful medical "treatment" of intersex indiviudals (like genital mutilation surgery). Read more about her here! Our awesome anonymous activist writes a blog I really like and have previously featured on FFA:IAA, Queer Intersects. I'm so excited to raise awareness with them!

Here are the events!

Event #1: Workshop - What Is Intersex, & How to Be A Good Ally
Friday, Oct 28th, 12-2pm
NYU's Kimmel Center, 60 Washington Square South, Rm 602
This event features an interactive workshop covering intersex basics, what intersex activists are working toward, current issues in intersex activism, and how to be an ally for intersex individuals. I'm hoping for a lot of discussion. Anyone that's interested in learning more about intersex is welcome to come & join the discourse!

Event #2: Performance - Intersex Awareness: Celebrating Our Bodies
Saturday, Oct 29th, 4-6pm
Bluestockings Bookstore, Cafe, and Activist Center, 172 Allen St.
Our activists will explore intersex issues and lived experience through a series of performance monologues that cover a range of topics. Think Vagina Monologues, intersex-style. This is going to be fun! Q&A to follow, of course!

I hope that you are as excited about these events as we are! I'll provide you with updates on the events as needed, as time gets closer.

Hope to see you there!

<3

InterSEX.

2011-08-14T14:21:00.000-07:00

Having sex can be fun and great and wonderful, but it can only be these things when all parties involved are comfortable and consenting with what’s going on. Intersex individuals may have particular needs and concerns that are uncommon for others when having sex, and understanding how to make an intersex partner comfortable may require some additional knowledge and communication. These points below are not applicable to all intersex individuals, but may give you an idea of some things to discuss before getting down to ensure that a good time is had by all.

Intersex individuals may not be entirely comfortable with their bodies. Yes, many (perhaps even most) individuals in some populations struggle with body image, but it’s important to understand that the origin of such uncomfortableness come from different places. Common body image issues stem from certain kinds of body forms that are lauded as damn-near-perfect and made prominently visible in the media and entertainment industries, bombarding us at every turn - i.e., white, thin, with "conventionally attractive" facial features = a certain suite of traits most commonly found in a subset of white individuals. Those whose bodies don’t closely resemble these idealized forms may feel a host of negative feels about this.

Intersex individuals may experience these common body image issues, which serve to judge and provide the standard with what attractive and the most highly-valued bodies look like. Intersex individuals may, on top of this, also experience body image issues surrounding what "NORMAL" bodies look like and/or how they are supposed to work. Now, that's kind of a bullshit statement, because when you say, these bodies as best, you're normalizing them. But what I mean isn't the your-body-is-not-ideal-and-therefore-not-so-normal kind of normalcy, but the people-can't-conceive-that-your-bodies-even-exist-are-you-SURE-this-is-for-real kind of normalcy. There's a lot of pressure tied in with sex as it is - "Are you having it?," "Is it good?," "Are you good in bed?," "Are you sexually attractive enough?" Things get more complicated yet when you throw in, "Does my body look normal?...Will my partner(s) find my body attractive, regardless?," "Does my body work like it's expected to in sexual situations?...How will my partner(s) react if it doesn't?," and "If my partner(s) don't know I'm intersex, (when) do I want to disclose that?...Does planning to have a short- or long-term sexual relationship change my answers?"

Let's take on the last questions first. Intersex individuals may choose to disclose their intersex or not disclose it before sexual encounters, especially they are not planning on having an extended sexual relationship with their partner(s). It is important to note that not disclosing one's intersex is not being dishonest - it simply means that that intersex individual decides to to share that part of themselves with their partner(s). For example, individuals hoping for a one night stand together aren't likely to sit down together beforehand and have an hours- if not days-long conversation, staring soufully into each others' eyes, and disclose every aspect of their personal being so that prospective partners can decide whether or not to sleep with someone for one night only after hearing their whole life story. People don't necessarily disclose their entire selves to anyone, and even individuals who know us best may not know every last, single thing about us. Or people who have disclosed every aspect of themselves may not have shared every detail with a given individual - that knowledge of their whole selves is spread across people they know, have talked to, have confided in, have shared with. People pick and choose what they wish to tell others, and what they choose to tell may be highly dependent on context. It's no less dishonest to decide not to disclose one's intersex status than it is to fail to report what you had for lunch on Oct 13, 2007 or that thing you did with the thing that one time. People decide what to share of themselves with others. Deciding not to do so can't be deemed dishonest unless people consider that thing to be offbeat and bad in some way, and thus "withholding" this information was a deliberate act to deceive. Being intersex isn't bad. The reason intersex people may choose to withhold this isn't because they view their intersex as bad (although some may that have had this ingrained by years of medical "treatment"), but it may be that they know that other people may not understand what it is, and/or they don't want to get into a lengthy conversation and explain Intersex 101 and risk getting asked invasive questions (again), and/or THEY WANT TO ENSURE THEIR SAFETY. It is well-known that transgender people for some time have been blamed for being deceptive by not disclosing their transgender status, only to have a (potential) sexual partner to verbally and/or physically assault them. You have to do what you have to do to be safe. Sometimes intersex individuals won't disclose their intersex status before having sex, and that is okay and perfectly within their right to do so.

If an intersex individual DOES share their intersex with (potential) sex partners, then the bottom line is that consent and communication are key, as they should be in any sexual encounter and/or realtionship to keep it healthy. There are some things that intersex individuals may want to discuss before having sex (again) that are relevant to the sexual experience to be had. The importance of listening and communicating respectfully can't be overstated, since it's sometimes scary to share this shit!

Intersex individuals may want to share the fact that their bodies don't always look garden-variety in various aspects. This may mean explaining their form of intersex, and what features they have and/or don't have. For example, it's very common for people with AIS (androgen insensitivity) like me to have very small nipples that pretty much don't grow since childhood. I'm really self-conscious about that when having sex sometimes, and it's something I'd want to disclose before having sex. Just to get it out there, on the table, because otherwise I'm just gonna be thinking about it and wondering if they notice and are reacting to it. I just wanna talk about it beforehand so that I'M comfortable. It has definitely been helpful when partners complement your body, let you know they find you attractive, and communicate verbally and non-verbally that they desire you. Compliments and showing that they think you're super-hot? Definitely can help put someone's omg-are-they-gonna-think-my-body's-freaky?-o-meter at ease.

This may also lead into discussions of what these body parts do and/or don't do, and thus what intersex individuals want or don't want to do during sex. Individuals with various intersex variations may want to explain the form of body parts. AIS individuals planning to engage in penetrative sex, for example (using whatever body parts or toys - we're not making penis-assumptions here!), might want to discuss the fact that, without a uterus, the vagina is "blind-ended," or ends in a sac of tissue that doesn't go up to the cervix, and thus there's a back wall to the vagina. Sometimes, there can be pain with certain kinds of contat with that back wall, and an intersex individual might want to give partners a heads up. CAH individuals might want to talk about what is called alternatingly by medical folks as an enlarged clitoris/hemipenis (although individuals may have different terms, since they can describe their own bodies however they want!) and their erectile capabilities. (Clitorises of any size have muscle tissue for erectile capabilities, but erections may be more visible with larger such-structures.) Individuals with the MRKH variation, where individuals do not have a vagina, may want to discuss that penetration would not be possible, although that most certainly doesn't mean that penetrative sex couldn't happen, and certainly doesn't mean that sex can't happen! There are SO MANY different ways one can have sex. This whole heterosexual, penis-in-the-vagina thing? Is just one way to do it. All other forms of sex are just as valid, and just as much sex as the glowing hetero standard of intercourse {*insert choir of angels here and rays of white light*}. The same goes for individuals with the aphallia variation, where individuals do not have a penis. Sex can totally happen - these individuals just might want to talk about what sex could/would look like with partners.

Individuals that have gone through medicalization may not want to do certain kinds of things during sex, or may only want to sometimes, or only in certain contexts. Some of this might be due to the fact that certain sex acts are potentially triggering for these individuals. For example, with all the dilator stuff I experienced, I sometimes don't want penetration, and need to decide if that's what I want to do on my own terms, and know that I can consent to and reserve consent to it at any time (just like any other sex acts!). Remember that, like any individual that experiences triggers, partners should be attuned to watching for signs of triggering, and communicate if their partner indicates verbally or non-verbally that they are uncomfortable. Check in. Be attentive and patient. Talk about things. A good place to get started in thinking about issues of consent is Cindy Crabtree's of (Doris zine fame) Support zine. This zine is geared toward individuals that have survived or are working through sexual abuse trauma, and so is not geared toward intersex individuals, but we have discussed how intersex individuals that have gone through medicalization have often had similar experiences as those that have experienced other forms of sexual abuse. It's also worth noting that individuals one has sex with may have a history of abuse, regardless of their intersex, so it's just good to be aware of this stuff in general. <3

Individuals who have had surgeries performed on them may also have different needs. It is known that individuals that have had clitoral surgery may, post-surgery, experience diminished or no pleasurable sexual sensations when responding to stimuli, or sensations experienced might be painful either sometimes or all the time. They may also possess scarring from the surgery, and may be self-conscious of what their genitals look like post-surgery. (Ironically, it's much less common to hear of individuals reporting they were self-conscious of their genitalia BEFORE surgery. HMMMMM.) Individuals that had vaginoplasties may experience a range of experiences having sex post-surgery since, depending on the kind of tissue used (e.g., bowel, skin), the vagina may have a more or less "typical feel" or be more or less stretchy if one cares about penetrative sex. (In the extreme case for the latter, vaginal stenosis may occur, where the vagina closes partially or completely, making penetrative sex difficult, if not impossible. This would require - you guessed it! - MORE SURGERIES. This is yet another reason such surgeries shouldn't be performed on infants and children, who are still going. If surgery is to be performed, it should be by the intersex individuals themselves, as adults, when they understand everything and want it and can CONSENT to it.) Some of the after-effects of these surgeries are also legitimate health concerns - which is ironic, since the surgeries are performed not to track health but to conform to social norms about sex and gender and bodies, but can create health problems themselves. (Does this seriously make sense to anyone?!) For example, vaginas may prolapse (= extrude out of the body partially or, in more severe cases, entirely) or grow HAIR inside them (which may happen if the tissue used to make the vagina possessed hair follicles, e.g., skin from someone's arm). These are all things that an intersex individual may want to talk about before having sex. Or not.

Let's also not forget the fact that, like any group of individuals, some intersex individuals may identify as asexual, and will want to have sex infrequently, seldom, or not at all. In this case, some of this stuff might not be super-applicable to intersex indviduals who want romantic relationships no sex involved. But aren't ya glad you know anyway? :)

In general, consent, communication, and respect are necessary components for having satisfying sexual experiences. Ask if it's okay to ask questions. Be honest, and discuss honestly and openly. Take concerns and dialogue seriously, and listen to what is being said. Evaluate what is comfortable and desirable together, and then go have lots of fun! Keeping these things in mind will result in healthy sexual encounters. And yay for that!

FACT: Sociocultural Norms Influence Scientific Thought.

2011-08-14T14:19:00.000-07:00

I am a scientist (-in-training) by profession, and think about biology a lot. Other than the fact that bio is just fun (duh), I think about the relationship between intersex and normal, biological variation in what bodies look like and how they function.

I am currently working in a research collection far away from my home, NYC. One thing I've been noticing is my frustration over the biological specimens I'm using, and how they don't conform to what they "should" look like, making my job as a researcher more diffiuclt. I'm supposed to take this measurement, but this bump or groove or whatever may be worn down, or in a slightly different location, or did something wonky and looks strange, or is just plain missing in the specimen because it broke off (more likely) or just didn't form. I have been tracking my anxiety looking at some of these specimens and going, "OMG, NOT AGAIN. WHY WON'T THESE SPECIMENS JUST LOOK NORMAL? WHY WON'T THEY BEHAVE?"

And I've been thinking about how stupid that is.

These specimens I'm working with are the way they are because they are the products of evolutionary history/trajectory, environmental factors, genetics, growth and development, and just plain ol' individual idiosyncracies. There is not a right or a wrong way for bodies to be or to exist. They just are. When I'm frustrated, it's not because the "strange" specimens I'm working with are effing up the measurements I'm trying to take - it's because any measurement you try to standardize won't work for all specimens, because there's just too much diversity in body form for any one measurement to work for every specimen out there. When I'm frustrated, it's not because that bump or groove should look like this or that so that I can easily classify it as X, Y, or Z - it's because X, Y, and Z are arbitrary categories researchers made up to make it a little easier to describe those bumps and grooves, knowing that the forms of these bumps and grooves are on a continuum or sometimes outside these continuua, and can't easily - or sometimes at all - be classified as X, Y, or Z. As a researcher, I've gotta make judgment calls, do my best, be honest about what I can and can't say, describe how I did what I did and recognize that others may do it differently or disagree. All it means is that there's yet more research to be done that spins off this stuff.

I guess I'm just kind of surprised that, since I think about this stuff only ALL THE TIME in terms of intersex, I would be reminded that biological forms aren't wrong, or strange, or bad. They just are. What may be wrong, or strange, or bad - if anything - is the fact that the standards we use to categorize and describe things will always have some element of subjectivity, a place where you have to draw the line even if no lines really exist in nature, dividing things up into neat little categories for our convenience. Nature is messy, and biology - the study of nature - is thus messy as well, because you can't easily study something that doesn't lend itself to be easily understood and described. That's one of the reasons I love biology so much, actually - endless variation, nothing is for certain, things change all the time. The best. But these things sometimes mean that DOING biology can feel like the worst, especially since career scientists' futures of doing biology (or whatever branch/es of science they're doing) hinge on ugly things like getting grant proposals funded and flashy results and beautiful, clear-cut conclusions that might make its way into fancy, exclusive journals. There's a lot of pressure for things to work out, to make sense, to have more rules than exceptions. But nature is full of exceptions. The specimens I've seen are proof of that.

Socicultural researchers have also long noted that science in itself is not an exact science. How scientists conceptualize, explain, and describe biological phenomena is not unbiased or entirely objective, but partially a product of cultural norms and ideas. One of the most infuriating examples for me, as an intersex person, is the staunch assertation that biological sex is a categorical variable. A categorical variable is any sort of trait that can be easily lumped into one of two or more categories - for example, whether something is present or absent. It can't be kindasorta there or more there than not there. No. If something is present, it's present. If it's absent, it's absent. No questions. Categorical variables are in contrast to continuous variables, where a trait isn't just described as this or that (or also the other thing, etc.). There is a range of variation and any attempts to divide up this variation into categories will be arbitrary, although it's not uncommon for scientists to do this if they want to force a continous variable into a categorical one for ease of analylzing something.

All right, all right. Fine. Categoricatinuous whatever. The reason it's so infuriating that sex is still considered a categorical variable is because well, it's not. I don't think there has been a single science course I took in college that I didn't raise my hand once a semester in response to the inevitable sex-is-one-or-the-other-categorical-stuffystuff and specifically asked about intersex individuals. My response has never been anything other than, "Oh, well, that's really rare, and that would be an exception to the rule." Um, okay. Doesn't that then mean that if there exceptions, that the RULE NEEDS TO BE MODIFIED? Dismissing the fact that intersex people exist to make nature less messy and complex makes biology less ACCURATE. I always knew, sitting in those classrooms, just by virtue of existing, that the sex-is-categorical thing just simply was false. There are tons of nit-picky topics that I've discussed throughout my science training in college and grad school that have highlighted, if nothing else, that there are SO. MANY. variables to consider, that things are super-complex, that if you're doing it right, you can't just gloss over stuff that's inconvenient to you. But that's exactly what science does when it's pretty much universally acknowledged that I apparently don't exist since biological sex must be a categorical variable. Scientists' insistence that biological sex is categorical comes from sociocultural ideas about what sex is, and how one defines it and where sex is located in the body. These things may differ among groups of people and change over time, but the fact that these sociocultural ideas heavily influence upholding this inaccuracy can't be ignored. Just because scienctists largely don't recognize that sex is categorical doesn't truly erase me. Um, I'm still here, guys. *waves*

I am more conscious now how ridiculuous it is to place value judgments on the specimens that are "thwarting you" in trying to complete your work. But even so, I think that these assumptions that things must be or look or function a certain way are the basis for why we discriminate, why we refuse to try to understand, why we fail to examine the assumptions we're making instead of writing off the bodies and beings that are causing cracks in our shitty paradigms that aren't real and don't explain the reality of what's actually out there. We need to accept and try to understand the diversity we're seeing and not write it off. When we write off these bodies and beings, we do a lot of harm. And that's not something I want to participate in, and need to be conscious about.

In / Visibility.

2011-08-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

I've got identity on the brain, so it seems. The idea of identity and how identity is a composite of our knowing ourselves internally, others' interactions with us, and situational context is pretty amazing, and I love thinking about it. Within these concepts, I have been thinking more about identity and visibility - that who we are may be related to how we present ourselves, or how others read us causes them to identify us as X, whether these assumptions are correct or not.

I think about visibility a lot because I actually have like, no visiiblity as an intersex individual, no visibility as a genderqueer individual, and arguably little to very little visibility as a person who's queer in terms of sexual orientation. (I've been told that the fact that I present with assymetrical hair styling (yay for the side-bun!) helps others to identify me as lady-loving, as well as the small ear gauges I now have, even though I dress pretty femme-y or tomboy femme-y. Hmmmm....) Visibility, I'm learning, is both important to me, and not important to me. I want to be visible to others in different ways. I want people to know what intersex is - duh! - which is part of why I do the work I do. I don't care to walk down the street and have someone immediately identify me as intersex - something that wouldn't necessarily be desired by intersex individuals who don't identify as intersex, and also something that would be super-difficult to try doing anyway since there's many intersex variations. Just like any arbitrary way we try to lump people together, WE DON'T ALL LOOK THE SAME ANYWAY. What I want in terms of identity is just to be able to say to someone that I'm intersex, that it wouldn't be so much coming out, that it would just be, "Oh, okay, cool," and understood the range of things that that could mean in my particular case. In terms of queer visibility in general, when I first realized I was genderqueer - and then something later I've thought about when I realized I had a fairly strong preference for female-bodied/-identified individuals - I had the urge to present as really androgynous and be a fabulous occasional genderfucker and all that good stuff. After thinking about it for a while, though, it wouldn't have been authentic. I LIKE wearing skirts. I LIKE flowly femme-y cardigans. I LIKE wearing adorable ballet flats everywhere. Don't get me wrong. I just as much love my shitty, shitty loose-fitting gender-neutral T-shirts that say things on them that make no sense whatsoever (yay for thrift stores!) and my black clunky vegan sneakers and pulling my hair into a bun (side-bun?) without combing it really. These things don't necessarily fit stereotypical understandings of what a femme looks like, but when I wear them, I still want to wear short jean skirts and other more femme-y things. I needed to face that, at this time in my life, I present as femme or tomboy femme. And this means that I'm not going to get the dyke nod walking on the street, and I'm not going to be read as particularly anything much but a white, straight, cis-gender biofemme, and only one the first of those assumptions is accurate.

I would like to be more visible, in terms of more mainstream/conventional people understanding what various identities mean, but have also accepted that intersex isn't visible in the mainstream, and this is why we need people to have conversations about it and discuss it and actively try to raise awareness. Because I know this isn't on mainstream radar, it doesn't always hurt as much when I am not visible in these ways, because I expect more that, for now, it just isn't going to happen until more work is done. I am more bothered that I am unable/very infrequently recognized by members of the communities I identify as a part of, in terms of intersex or various forms of queer. For queer identities, I am more or less accepting that there's not much I can do. I have realized it's dumb to alter my appearance to something inauthentic, that's not really me, so that I'm more visible. Even if I don't feel that I am immediately IDed as part of a group I identify with, I have been myself the entire time. I have always identified as This Claudia. And that is more important than "looking the part" if how you are and want to present doesn't fall in line with typical ways to present and perform. By being myself, I'm not as visible, but by presenting and performing authentically, I am also expanding the range of what people-that-identify-as-X present and perform like, and that's pretty cool. I also need to recognize that I have privilege because, even though it wouldn't be authentic, I technically have the OPTION of presenting some ways that other members of various queer communities can't. For example, there are a bunch of hairstyles that are thought of as stereotypical dyke cuts, but these styles are often not possible or desirable to do or maintain for some people of color. I have to recognize that even if I'm in the same boat as being mostly invisible, I still have privilege in that I can more easily be visible in some ways if I chose.

For intersex, I think it's trickier yet. People with bodies that may be considered intersex by some may not identify as intersex. Those that do identify as intersex in some way may not be comfortable sharing these identities. Those that do identify as intersex AND are comfortable sharing intersex identities don't just necessarily randomly do it freely and to anyone in public. Especially since there's so many intersex variations, it is basically impossible to ID intersex individuals, even as an intersex person. And that is a major bummer for me. There's things people talk about and write about that focus on identifying members of Group X (or at least (stereo-?)typical versions of them). Check out Krista's (hilarious) blog, Effing Dykes as an example for identifying queer ladies. (To illustrate, her tagline reads, "YOUR GIRL GAYDAR SUCKS. LET ME HELP YOU." If that's not to-the-point, I don't know what is!) There's no blog out there, though, that's talking about how intersex individuals often present as X, Y, and Z. There's no Effing Intersex with hand-dandy ID-ing tips & tricks. THERE'S NO WAY FOR INTERSEX PEOPLE TO RECOGNIZE ONE ANOTHER, and if there are intersex individuals out there that say they can, my guess would be that it wouldn't be very accurate. If we wanted to identify each other, how would be do it? I mean, we could all be super-1990s riot grrrl or something and decide that if intersex-identified people want to ID each other, we could marker up our hands with happy, colorful symbols. Get together and standardize, HEY, EVERYONE, IF YOU IDENTIFY AS INTERSEX AND WANT TO BE VISIBLE TO ONE ANOTHER, TRY DOING THIS. But this limits personal choice and results in inauthenticity. How could we really do that? Part of me is tempted to make shirts akin to what people of other identities have done - "NO ONE KNOWS I'M ---," like Original Plumbing magazine has done to raise awareness for transsexuals. (Sidenote: OP is so good!) I don't think that we should try standardizing anything, that isn't what I'm going for. (Although I really might want to make a T-shirt, anyway, just cuz I'd like it. Anyone interested, ha?)

I have learned later in my life that there were actually other intersex individuals that I came into contact with, but didn't know it until much later. I would've loved to know that, would've loved to have been able to share and talk and discuss and process stuff. But I didn't. Part of this is because, as we have learned from shared personal experiences, those people who have been shuttled through the medical stuff - and that is the vast majority of us - have it ingrained in them that this isn't stuff you talk about, and/or are traumatized by these (non-consenual) experiences and can't talk about them. Even those who would not have had these experiences are not going to be dancing in the street screaming to everyone they're intersex. Whether we're not visible to one another because we don't want to be visible or whether we do and don't have a clear way of signaling to one another, the result is that it's pretty common to feel like you're the only intersex person in the world. It also doesn't help that the Internet and medical journals and books and news specials and documentaries are chock-full of numbers and statistics claiming hard-line figures for how many of us there are, when these are actually more speculations since it's been pretty much impossible to get accurate stats on how many of us there are, as we've previously discussed, giving us NUMBERS to calculate how freaking few of us there supposedly are and increasing feelings of isolation.

I want to be able to have bunches of intersex friends to talk with and hang out with and feel some solidarity with. I know a few now, and am SO SO lucky to be friends with these awesome individuals (HI, THERE!), but it would be great to expand my circle. Do you all feel kinda lonely? Are you bugged by the lack of visibility, not just in the public sphere, but to one another? I have been bumming about this, and wanted to know what you all thought.

Words And Being All Articulate And Shit.

2011-08-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone! I have been playing with language. I was thinking a bit more about how my intersex overlaps with my queer identities. I've discussed in a previous post that although my being various forms of queer doesn't necessarily have anything to do with my being intersex as well (i.e., I'm not necessarily queer in terms of sexual orientation and gender identity BECAUSE I'm intersex...what causes someone to be who they are is complex!). However, my being intersex does qualify how I DESCRIBE being queer and what terms I choose to use.

I have been thinking about the fact that although I am broadly pansexual, using the term "pansexual" (= for me, I can be attracted to anyone as long as I find them cool and cute, regardless of what body parts and identities they have) isn't feeling as authentic for me these days. I've known for a long time that even though I could be attracted to someone of any body type or identity/ies, I am more attracted to female-bodied and female-identified individuals than other people. I am starting to feel the same way about "pansexual" as I did about "bisexual" initially - there's an assumption that I'm attracted to anyone of EITHER group (for bisexual) or ANY group (for pansexual) EQUALLY. While I could be attracted to someone of any body type and gender identity, it's clear to me that I'm not as equally likely to be attracted to someone of any demographic or identity/ies. I have fairly strong preferences.

Now, there's no reason we can't just tear apart the assumption that bi- and pan- people are EQUALLY attracted to whatever types of people we've assigned and are discussing here. That's totally valid, and I don't think we should make the assumption that i-like-these-people equals i-am-just-as-likely-to-be-attracted-to-these-various-types-of-people. Yay!

My personal problem with this is that I WANT to find terminology that reflects the fact that I'm much more attracted to female-bodied/-identified individuals than others. Let's explore what's already out there, shall we?

So, I have enjoyed using the term "dkye" most often recently. It fits pretty well. The question is, though, since I identify my sex as intersex and only sometimes my gender identity as female, I sometimes wonder if "dyke" is the only option I want. The term "dyke" assumes that we're talking about someone who is female-identified who is attracted to women (although this assumption also fails to include male dykes, sigh). Even if we go with this definition, I'm not necessarily female-identified. Actually, I'm usually not strictly female-identified although I am read as nothing but female and present as a pretty typical femme and sometimes "tomboy femme" (thanks, S!). The fact that I'm not really so much female-identified (usually? - GAWD, IDENTITY IS COMPLICATED) kind of bothers me a bit in claiming "dyke." I still identify as a dyke, but feel like maybe I'm a little bit of a different kind of dyke in that I'm an intersex dyke? Sometimes? Or something? (Have I mentioned how complicated identity is? I did, didn't I? Yes.)

I'm not a lesbian since I'm not only attracted to people that are female-bodied and/or -identified. (Although not all lesbian-identified people would say this, either, necessarily. One more time, and I'll stop, I promise - SO. COMPLICATED!! We can make the SAFE assumption from here on out that for any term out there, not all people claiming that term will define it in the same way, or will use terms in combination that may not be intuitive to others. People are who they say they are. THE END <3) Besides, even if I was, I wouldn't be comfortable using the term "lesbian" for the same reasons I feel a bit off about "dyke" - I'm not ever female-identified in terms of sex, and only sometimes (more uncommonly) in terms of gender.

I thought about this a bunch, and I've decided I'm going to use a new term to describe myself if and when I feel like it:

Lesbiehhh.

What do you think?! Let me explain.

If someone were to ask me if I were female-identified and I had to respond with only one word or sound, I might go, "Ehhh?", as in kinda-sorta-maybe-thing-ish? I' might do the same thing if people asked me if I were a lesbian. (Okay, I'd probably actually go, "Nahhh" and turn it into an "Uhhhhhhh??" with my pitch getting higher, nose scrunched, and an eyebrow arched. Also, yes, it is TOTALLY easy explaining this kind of thing over the Internet!) This kind of "ehhh" works super-well for my purposes using this term. I'm not necessarily female-identified. I'm also not exclusively attracted to females. I'm -ehhh? to both of them. Lesbi-ehhh lets me give out the nuance that I'm kind of a girl that likes girls, except for the part where I'm not.

Yay! I like it, and I'm keeping it.

Another term I've been throwing around even long than lesbiehhh is "bodyqueer." It's no suprise that even though many intersex people have no affinity to the queer community, I really do. Since I'm queer in various respects, I've taken to thinking of my body not in terms of male or female, but "queer." Not as in, weirdo and strange and bad-ish and freaky, but in the reclaimed, positive way it's used today by many. I like the idea that if sexual orientations and gender identities and presentation and performance and all that good stuff can be queered, why not bodies? I know of some individuals that sometimes use the term "neuroqueer" to describe various states of mind and being, and I always liked the feeling of that term. If we can apply the term queer to bodies themselves, why stop with the nervous system? Let's go all out! If bodies can be queer, I think intersex bodies definitely qualify if intersex individuals want to use it. How do you feel about this?

So, in short, if there aren't any identities out there that you think are appropriate, it's worth noting that ya don't have to shoehorn yourself into something inauthentic. Language changes, terms become standardized over time or lost or changed and re-standardized again and all sortsa stuff. We have the autonomy to be and describe ourselves however the hell we damn well want to. Let's fucking do it!

Do you use any terminology that is uncommon or you created? I'd love to hear if you have - please share!

<3, C

Oh No, I'm Writing a Post About Facebook.

2011-08-05T12:14:00.000-07:00

I was hoping I wouldn't be doing that. But this shit is important!

This petition I've linked to, from All Out, is trying to get Facebook to change its profile settings to include more options for gender. I would argue that the same should be done for sex, as well, although this petition isn't lobbying for that. Blank fields for everything!!

There's links to testimonials and perspectives from individuals stating why they want Facebook to change their settings options, too, which are great - I think it's important to share stories and experiences from the people who are affected by Facebook's limited options, putting faces and names to this issue instead of just being a group of nameless, faceless, genderblobs.

Check it out, and sign it if you agree this issue is important! <3

Menstruation.

2011-08-04T09:29:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day that, being female-bodied, there’s a lot of stuff you’re expected to know about menstruation that you might actually have no clue about.

I remember being 8 years old, in 3rd grade, and all of a sudden, I had boobs. Like, can’t-miss-them-boobs. I had to get a bra. There were no training bras. It just happened. My chest exploded over night, and there was no going back. I still just wanted to play Girl Talk and run around pretending to be international spies outside, but I knew my body was on some irreversible adult trajectory now. Huh.

So, I had the boobs thing down. Fine, whatever. A concurrent step along with OMG What Are These New Things Impeding Basic Bodily Movement was menstruating. Oh, how everyone wanted their periods. I had learned from the pediatric endocrinologist at Hershey I visited that I wouldn’t be doing that (why – my intersex – I didn’t learn until years later at Johns Hopkins), and was perfectly happy not to do so most of the time. Sometimes a general feeling of, “Awww, I’m missing out on something, even if I don’t really want to do it, but I kinda wanted to have the option anyway,” overtook me, as it did at various points of my life regarding both menstruation and childbirth. Mostly, though, there were few tears shed over my not menstruating. Since then, I’ve also realized that that perspective wasn’t quite accurate – you can’t miss out on something that your body was never supposed to do in the first place, as I described in a recent previous post.

What DID shock me a little was that even though I didn’t and would never get my period, I look female, and was thus assumed to be getting it soon, if I didn’t have it already. There was a whole list of things that I needed to know regarding menstruation that I had never anticipated until I was already in the moment, and had to think of something to say. Usually, I lied (sadly, in retrospect) since it was drilled into me that people didn’t know what intersex was, and wouldn’t understand, and it’s personal and does not need to be shared (especially since it was pawned off as a medical condition), and that if shared I’d open myself up to much misunderstanding and ridicule. (It’s worth noting that these perceived negative reactions have not come to pass talking with people in my adult life, barring some uncomfortable questions out of ignorance and not true malice.) Here are some things I can think of, as follows below. Note that all of my testimony focuses on conversations with mostly cisgendered women; not all individuals who menstruate are either women or cisgendered, and while I don’t menstruate, many other intersex individuals do depending on their form of intersex and individual variation.

1) My First Period story. Girls and women I know sometimes shared “the first time I got my period” stories. Well, I didn’t have one. I think I said something about getting it when I was 11 (since most girls were running around chanting didyougetitdidyougetit around that time), and went to the bathroom at school, and saw blood. Yeah.
2) This Is What A Period Feels Like. Sometimes in college, friends would be feeling crappy and mention that they were having their period. It would often devolve into a discussion about what their own menstrual process was like, or the range of things a menstruating person may experience (“My friend gets THE WORST periods EVER explainexplainexplain.”). The fist time this happened, I panicked, realizing that I had no effing clue what having a period was actually like. I fear all the things that could’ve come out of my mouth, unawares, sounding like an intersex version of The 40 Year Old Virgin (“Uhhh, my uterus feels like a…bag of sand?”). I knew some things from just being around my Mom and sister (like, bloating and feeling cramps), but was astounded that things like people’s NIPPLES hurting could happen, or that people got unusual food cravings during their periods just like I’d heard might happen during pregnancy, or that periods could last anywhere from like, 3 days to HALF A MONTH. (I mean, FUCK, that’s a long time.) I just usually shut my mouth and said that my period didn’t last very long and wasn’t too severe.
3) “When Did You Get Your Last Period?” Any sort of medical examination as a female-bodied person is not complete until you’re asked at least once if you might be pregnant. That was a rather easy one to answer, saying, “No,” especially during my younger years before having sex. I was thrown for a loop when this easy-as-pie routine was altered to include the question, “When was your last menstrual cycle?” I had no idea this information was relevant, and it seemed invasive and irrelevant and weird. It wasn’t until later that I realized they were checking that patients were menstruating, and that they were menstruating on a more-or-less regular schedule. I had no idea what to say. Did it matter what day I chose? Did it mean something if I menstruated on the 12th versus the 14th of the month? Would I start menstruating on the same day every single month? Would it be suspicious if I didn’t? Was it better to pick a day during the start, middle, or end of the month? Did THAT mean anything? Would anyone look at these charts from all these appointments later and notice something was awry about my stated menstrual schedule, that what I was saying couldn’t possibly be true, and I’d be found out? I always just said, “The first of the month,” somewhat too brightly and a little too nervously for my own comfort, but was never asked about it. Smoooooooooooth.
4) The Entire Aisle(s?) of Menstrual Products. If someone was having their period, they might ask you if you had any Midol or pads or tampons on you. I learned that this was a thing in high school, and it wasn’t infrequent at college, either. What I encountered later was that sometimes women also shared what menstrual products they liked best. It was pretty much agreed that Midol was the best pain reliever, but there was a lot of individual preference as far as what kinds of pads and tampons were used. I knew that pads could come in different sizes based on flow, but had no idea that what size you used affected how well you could sit down without feeling like you were in a diaper. If you decided on that, then wings or no wings? If you didn’t use pads, tampons came with their own questions. Who knew that tampons were made of different materials, and that their “feel” made using them more or less comfortable? And what the hell was that string at the end for? – it seemed strange and wasteful to put a string on the end just so you could get it out of the package or whatever, right? Regardless of what you were using, did you want the scented ones or not? SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.
5) I'm In On The In-Joke. Sometimes, women would make comments to male-bodied individuals assumed not to menstruate to the effect of, YOU'RE SO LUCKY YOU DON'T GET YOUR PERIODS, LADIES, AMIRITE? Um, I guessed they might be right, because the entirety of my knowledge about periods revolved aroudn a kaliedoscope of different pains and aches you could have. But I always felt a little shame-faced when, after saying this, the women around me would all look at each other - me, included - with a look of we-know-what's-up solidarity. A solidarity that I actually couldn't share in but was assumed to. It was a strange thing to look at these women and think, "I look so much like you, but my body is different than yours. Looks - similar. Functions? - different." For a while, I felt like an impostor, but realized later that just because other people READ ME as biologically female doesn't mean that I was somehow being deceptive by being nothing else than who I am. (= it's their problem for making assumptions, not my own problem that I exist.)

Talking about menstruation is actually one of my favorite things to talk about, ever. I’m fascinated by the intersections of people-assume-my-body-does-this and I-don’t-know-what-this-is-like and the complexity surrounding menstruation itself as a biological process and the range of practices people profess in their experiences menstruating. Any of you intersex individuals out there got interesting perspectives and/or anecdotes to share?

Also, check out this perspective on beginning to menstruate later in life from fellow intersex activist Tricia over at Intersex Unicorn. It's hilarious. I died.

IAD 2011 In Planning Stages!

2011-07-27T12:38:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to throw out a reminder that the 2nd Annual Intersex Awareness Day will be happening in late October in NYC! Activists present, locations, dates, and times are all TBA. But the point is that it's happening, and I'm exciteddddddd!

I think this merits some posi jumps, no? (Photo from www.hooping.org.)

YES.

<333

"You're So LUCKY!"

2011-07-17T11:33:00.001-07:00

My form of intersex is AIS (androgen insensitivity), more specifically CAIS (complete androgen insensitivity). Like other CAIS and PAIS (partial androgen insensitivity) individuals, I never developed a uterus or other “female” internal reproductive organs. Upon learning that I subsequently can’t menstruate or give birth, a lot of peoples’ reactions are, “Oh man, you are SO *lucky*!”

We need to talk about this.

First and foremost, let’s put it out there – I agree that for me personally, for this Claudia, that statement is true in part. I’ve rarely expressed interest in hanging around little kids and playing games with them, and I never wanted to create a family with a partner that included kids. I was not exceptionally pain-tolerant when I was younger and was happy not to go through every month what looked like a very uncomfortable experience at best. That you’re-so-LUCKY! sentiment, in this context, makes me smile and laugh and agree with my conversation partners.

But that’s not where these conversations (should) end.

It’s important to recognize some stuff. First off, there are lots of intersex individuals out there that LOVE kids and have wanted to raise children of their own for a long time, that may be very upset by the fact that they cannot have children. There are intersex individuals that want to have had that experience – to know what it’s like to menstruate, to be able to do that. (At various points in my life, I’ve been a part of that latter category, and even am sometimes now though very infrequently.) What was entirely appropriate for me – “You totally dodged a bullet with this awful period/childbearing thing, amirite?” – may be the exact opposite of how some intersex individuals may feel about these issues.

This issue is further complicated by the fact that some intersex individuals that WERE biologically able to have children may not be after having undergone medical procedures that essentially sterilize them. Sometimes, will suggest internal sex organs be removed because they could become cancerous. This is true in some cases. I had my own partially-formed testes removed a few months after birth because, being only partially formed, they were not functional. Non-functional tissue can’t do more than sit there in your body, being unused – it’s this tissue whose cells may ultimately start dividing uncontrollably = this tissue’s now cancerous. This non-functional tissue should be removed so that individuals don’t incur cancer. However, there have been accounts by intersex individuals and their parents that doctors said they needed to remove internal sex organs because they might become cancerous when, in fact, these internal sex organs were fully functional and subsequently did not constitute any risk of cancer whatsoever. These doctors likely did not make the distinction between non-functional, potentially cancerous tissue and functional tissue that shouldn’t pose threat of cancer, and only later did intersex individuals and/or their parents realize that their (/loved ones’) fertile bodies were sterilized. While I concede that not all clinicians – or perhaps even a majority of clinicians – perceive these sterilization surgeries in this way, they do not make sense except in the context of eugenics. At best, these surgeries are extremely misguided and do not allow intersex individuals consent. Even if one was to accept that the parents of intersex children should be allowed to make consent by proxy for their children when they’re too young to do so themselves (something I strongly oppose), these parents couldn’t truly give consent in these cases anyway, since they were given misinformed, perhaps deliberately. In short, stating how lucky someone is not to have to go through the pain of childbearing, or having to worry about their hypothetical kids running around causing havoc, may seem like a cruel statement to someone who not only wanted to do that, but was actually ABLE to do that until these abilities were robbed of them when it was not their choice.

Perhaps the most important thing to discuss here is that absence of pain due to menstruation or childbirth does not mean absence of pain, in general. Many, if not most, intersex individuals are shuttled through the medical system, are treated like they are sick, are treated like their bodies are fucked up and freakish and vaguely shameful, are subjected to a variety of appointments and testing and procedures that cause pain at the physical, psychological, and emotional levels. When people have said to me, “You’re so lucky you miss out on all that PAIN – auuuugh, gawd!” I am reminded of these things that I have experienced, that I did not ask for, and that I didn’t know that I could say, “NO!” to. I feel angry, because by saying, “You have no pain to suffer through!” it erases my experiences, many of which were in fact, painful, albeit in different ways than menstrual or childbirth pain. It makes it feel like I have gotten away with something by virtue of my conversation partners’ bodies’ abilities to do these things when my body does not, when I also know that by virtue of having my body, I have gone through pain that my conversation partners are likely unaware of. Just because some intersex peoples’ bodies do not menstruate or are reproductive or give birth doesn’t mean that our bodies have not suffered pain.

Lastly, I have come to find statements like these increasingly more interesting as I’ve gotten older. “You’re so lucky you can’t do this” = there’s an assumption that my body is “supposed” to be able to menstruate, is “supposed” to be able to be reproductive and specifically bear children in my case. It is assumed that because I outwardly look female, that I must be able to do actions X, Y, and Z. The fact that I can’t do them means that I’ve gotten away with something. I’m “lucky.” But the truth of the matter is that I’m not lucky. My body was never supposed to be able to do this in the first place. My body was ALWAYS that of an AIS individual, a CAIS individual. As a fetus, I wasn’t going to turn into a girl. I wasn’t going to turn into a boy. I was going to turn into me, the whole time. To me, statements with the how-are-you-lucky-enough-to-have-gotten-away-with-this sentiment are akin to me being told by a bird that I’m so lucky I don’t have to fly around for long periods of time during migrations, or being told by a trout I’m so lucky I don’t have to try swimming upstream because it’s difficult. What the hell are you critters talking about?! I’m not a bird and never was, and never will be. I’m not a trout and never was, and never will be. I didn’t get away with not being able to do those things – I was never supposed to be able to do them in the first place, because I’m ME. Saying that I’m lucky not to do something it’s assumed my body “should be” able to do erases the realness of my intersex body. My body is only supposed to do what it was always supposed to do, and that includes not menstruating or being reproductive or bearing children. MY BODY IS ALREADY DOING WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO DO ALL ALONG. The problem is in the perception that intersex bodies are supposed to be like or do things that male- and female-defined bodies do. But not all male bodies and not all female bodies do the same things anyway. Why would we assume that intersex bodies will all work the same way as all male and/or female bodies? Would we assume that all intersex bodies, with our many variations, work the same way as all other intersex bodies, too? These perceptions need to change.

So if you are having a conversation with intersex individuals and what some intersex bodies can and cannot do, it is worth considering whether or not to frame things in the context of luck and beating the biological system. Because it’s not like that for many of us.

Balti-MORE.

2011-07-17T11:32:00.000-07:00

It was strange.

To be back in that place, for entirely different reasons and with an entirely different reference point for who I am, what intersex is, and my relationship with intersex. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel, and I guess I am a little surprised in some ways, and not surprised at all in others, but I am surprised about isn’t necessarily what I really expected.

Let me explain.

I am talking, first of all, about Baltimore, MD. I’ve been to Baltimore several times, since I was about 13, I guess. Although I’ve been to other places in Maryland – mostly to go to the beach with my family on summer vacations happily scrounging for tiny, tiny seashells – I’ve been to no other place more often than I have Baltimore. This is because, for several years of my life, I annually went for appointments at Johns Hopkins. You know, because I’m intersex.

Previously, I’d gone to Hershey Medical Center, from the time I was 8. It’s strange thinking about the contrast in my feelings between Hershey MC and Hopkins because I have so, so many feelings about Hopkins, and almost none about Hershey. I never really even realized that until just now. Some of my family lives in Hershey, and I’ve been there bunches of times, and it’s never bothered me once. Maybe I’d feel the tiniest bit uneasy passing HMC, but come to think of it, I’m pretty sure that I have several times (“Claudia, oh look, it’s the medical center.”), and I don’t think I really gave too much of a damn either way except to maybe purse my lips and grumble thinking about the pediatric endocrinology wing.

It’s strange, because I feel like I should have strong feelings about both of these places. In both hospitals, I had some traumatic, effed-up stuff done to me for approximately 8 years in total – principally, super-invasive, didn’t-know-I-could-not-consent-to, assumed-it-was-to-track-my-health dilation procedures, where they basically coat some cold, metal medical dildo with cold, burny medical lube and stick it inside of you to see how long your vagina is. So that they can then decide whether your vagina is of “normal length” = assessing whether or not you “need” a vaginoplasty, or a vaginal reconstruction procedure that increases the vaginal canal’s length. I went to Hershey every 6 months for appointments. I remember having to pee in a lot of plastic cups, and being MRIed and CT scanned at least once each, but there wasn’t any tongue depressors and saying fucking “Ahhhh” (actually thinking, “AGGGGGGGH!, thatssouncomfortabbbbble!”) or listening to my heart beat and asking me how stuff was, really. I just remember having to hop up on the cold fucking metal table and all of the other cold metal and cold burny things and the dread of knowing it was going to hurt really badly, and I was going to scream and cry, and I didn’t want a grown man who could be my grandfather poking around my vagina anyway, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it because he was the doctor and he said I needed it and these checks were going to keep my healthy or make me better if I wasn’t healthy. It makes me really sad to look back and know that this perspective is entirely untrue – that these dilation procedures are not necessary, because they don’t track health, they just track whether or not your vagina is spacious enough to have “normal sex” (= accommodate a male’s penis in penetrative, male-female intercourse). This view then, is messed up because 1) these doctors are doing these procedures without giving individuals the knowledge that they can consent or NOT CONSENT to these procedures by acting like they’re medically necessary, 2) they’re not medically necessary because they tell us nothing about the individual’s health, 3) there’s a lot of different ideas about what “normal” vaginal size (and also “normal” penis size) exactly is, since there’s a lot of variation – who gets to decide?, and 4) it’s heteronormative (= holds up heterosexual standards and discounts the fact that not everyone’s heterosexual), failing to include queer experience – i.e., not everyone that’s female-bodied wants to either have sex with men and/or have penis-vagina intercourse kind of sex…there’s lots of ways to have sex and this obsession with individuals being able to do this act may be entirely not what that individual wants, anyway. Even further, not all individuals are (very) sexual – asexual individuals may not necessarily be having this kind of sex, either. I have a lot of trauma that I want to try to process and work through from these experiences. I’ve effectively healed to various degrees (and re-process and re-heal, of course) regarding many of my lived experiences surrounding intersex, but these dilation procedures are still something that I have not yet successfully had peace about. I’m hoping that I will be ready to deal more effectively with them someday.

I think it’s worth nothing here that over a decade since my last dilation procedure, I have not been able to take any steps toward emotionally healing from this, because these medical visits have been so traumatic. I just can’t think about them, even though I get flashbacks all the time in my daily life. My experience is sadly not uncommon based on testimony given by other intersex individuals who have undergone medical “treatment” that is often physically and/or emotionally damaging for a long, long time afterward. I think this says volumes about what the role of the medical community should be in terms of intersex (= nothing to do with policing and altering our bodies without our consent and doing “medical procedures” that aren’t actually medical in nature = for our health).

The point of discussing this contrast between Hershey and Hopkins, though, is that I am not largely affected being in Hershey and apparently even so much passing the medical center. Even though I had traumatic procedures happen in both of those places. If I was in that patient’s room that I had to visit in Hershey, I’m pretty sure I’d feel a freak-out coming on, but seeing the hospital itself doesn’t do much. Why is it, then, that I’ve had such strong reactions to Baltimore, to the point that I have not been back since my last dilation, up until a few days ago?

The difference is that in Hershey, I was just some kid that – for whatever reason – didn’t have a uterus, and couldn’t have a period. And also maybe had a short vagina or whatever. Short-vagina-no-uterus-no-period thing. It was probably in medical books somewhere. But I wasn’t given a name for it, and it was just something that happened sometimes, and I never wanted to bleed monthly and I expressed interest in little kids or having little kids of my own someday, so I was pretty much thrilled to hear of this multi-syllabic atypicality without a fancy science-y sounding name attached to it. Some of my classmates were just starting to get their periods when I started going to Hershey, and hearing about these experiences sounded uncomfortable at best. I thought everyone should have this magical no-uterus thing – HOORAY!

But at Hopkins, the problems really started in earnest because where it seemed I just had some innocuous-ish medical anomaly (“So I don’t have a uterus – who cares?”), it was clear that my body was more complex than that, and there actually were names after all (“I’m…intersex? Huh? Is that WHY I don’t have a uterus?”) and there were all of these psychological, emotional, and identity-based layers added on top of it – “Who the hell am I? Am I a boy or a girl? What does that even mean now? What really IS a boy or a girl if someone like me can exist? If there’s answers, who decided these things and figured them out – how’d they do it? Do I need to start dressing or acting different? Who can I go on dates with or ask to a dance – am I kind of straight AND gay either way? Am I always presenting in drag whether I wear heavy eyeliner or really big boy’s shorts? Will I be able to have “normal” sex? Am I going to be rejected by every potential love cause I’m just too fucking weird?” The list of questions went on and on.

At Hopkins, I first had to confront my identity in a whole new way, and I was angry and bitter and depressed and self-hating for a long time because I truly thought that something was deeply wrong with me and my body was one of nature’s practical jokes (“Ha, ha, humanity! Look what I can do!”) but now I had to live with that joke of a body and walk around and pretend it was totally legitimate and wasn’t freaky and horrible and was capable of being accepted and even loved maybe someday. With Hopkins, I first talked to psychologists, asking them earnestly (with discomfort) if I REALLY was REALLY a girl, and them saying yes, absolutely, no question, you’re a girl just like every girl, and no matter how many times I asked it never made me feel better because I knew if I was like every other girl, I wouldn’t be here being poked and prodded and pressured into surgery by old white men every year. (Why? My vagina’s just how it has always been – it’s normal already. And who said I’m necessarily having that kind of sex and/or with boys, anyway?) I didn’t want easy answers – I wanted a nuanced discussion. I wanted to know about variation in peoples’ identities. I wanted to know that who I was wasn’t static, that I was whoever I was, that my identities didn’t all have to match up in one of two acceptable ways. Who I later learned myself to be was in some ways actually irrelevant at that point – what I really needed to ask but didn’t know how was, how do I even start going about the process of me figuring this shit out, just wrapping my head around it enough to approach figuring out who I am in this context? Enter another decade plus of thinking and processing like crazy and agonizing a good deal about it throughout until I could really feel comfortable with my identity.

And then there were still all those fucking dilation procedures. Some of the things the clinicians wanted to talk about and ask me also got a lot more invasive (and I felt, inappropriate) than they’d been at Hershey since I was starting to get to that age where people assumed I’d be having sex any day now. I didn’t want surgeons popping in during every visit, reminding me that if I didn’t get let them hand-stitch me a brand-new, shiny vagina (like my body was an arts & crafts project or something that could be sold on Etsy afterward), I could have big problems “trying to have sex.” Despite the fact that I’d told some of them that I wasn’t READY to have sex and this was not an issue on my radar anyway, it didn’t seem to matter – still the upward inflection out of nowhere “surrrrrrgery?”, still the dilations, still my sulking and storm-cloud moods days beforehand and after each appointment clearly noted in our kitchen’s dry-erase board calendar haunting me for the whole month. Hopkins was the period of time when I went from no-uterus to no-identity, I was a who-knows-what person – which I now know that’s actually anyone ever is if they are honest and everyone felt free to express themselves and their identities as they are, and that being a who-knows-what person (= I am whoever I am, and I don’t care if that deviates from societal expectations) in any sense is a fabulous, freeing existence since it allows you to be more of yourself at any time than you otherwise can, but I didn’t see the positives of doing the tough work to figure out who you are at this time.

But, yeah, so I went to Baltimore the other day.

I am dating an absolutely wonderful girl, and she is moving to Baltimore pretty soon. I visited with some of her family and one day, we took a trip out to Baltimore together. I was not sure how I would feel, if I would be triggered, if I would feel like a mess and would need to be quiet. I had vowed I never wanted to go to Baltimore ever again for a number of years, and as the years passed, that I would go maybe not never, but very rarely and only for good reasons, like to raise awareness about intersex, or to go to a conference or something.

Now I have an excellent reason to be going there, and I was both excited and nervous to see how I would react being in this place again, but for entirely different reasons. I wasn’t there, after all, to go to the hospital. I was there to just hang around a little, and NOT go to the Harbor for, like, the zillionth time. She was really supportive about the uncertainty of my feelings being in Baltimore, but even with this support, it was still scary to not completely know what would happen. I just kept thinking more or less, “Baltimore. MAN. Oh, gawd. BALTIMORE. Man.” And so on. (Also very articulately.)

Ultimately, being there wasn’t terrible. I actually had FUN, which was kind of shocking to me. I thought maybe just being anywhere, ever in Baltimore would be such a bummer that I wouldn’t be able to relax, have fun, without having an emotional meltdown knowing what this place has meant to me in the past. The historical district was really nice – I’d never been there since we’d pretty much only been to the hospital, and the nearby Bar Harbor-ish areas. As a former violin nerd, it was fun to see the Peabody Institute, and one particular church had gorgeous architecture, with some copper bits turned streaky-green from air exposure over time.

I did see the hospital, twice – once when we got into Baltimore, and once when we left it. I couldn’t not look. My head was a magnet, and I couldn’t help turning in the direction of Hopkins. I knew it was Hopkins even though we didn’t drive directly past it because of the airwalk connecting buildings over the street below. I felt triggered and scared in some ways, but more in a all-my-emotions-are-freezing-up-in-my-chest kind of way, and not in a everything-is-flooding-back-to-me-and-I’m-experiencing-everything-all-over-again kind of way, which was much preferable. I might’ve felt more triggered had I actually faced the hospital, looked at it, thought about taking the elevator all the way to pediatric endocrinology. But even then, I’m not sure it would’ve been much more. And that surprised me a little.

I think the biggest thing for me is what else I felt while I was there. I was assuming that when I hit the city limits entering Baltimore, everything would maybe fall apart, and I’d be this little girl again, terrified on the way to the place where all this trauma and shit went down. That I’d be back there, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. But that wasn’t what happened at all. Although part of me was scared, another part of me, the much more grown-up who-I-am-right-now part was like, Okay, Baltimore. We’ve been through a lot of shit, and you made my life terrible for a long time, but you know what? I’m not the same person I was back then. I know who I am, and anything that was said to me here or done to me here hasn’t prevented me from knowing who I am and not being afraid to be it. Pretty much, you didn’t and will continue not to prevent me from being who I am. I figured it out, anyway, Baltimore, despite all your shit.

It was pretty empowering.

I think some of my reactions will be more strong, maybe, if I’m really faced with the hospital. But even then, this trip was a test – and I think the results mean that I’m gonna be okay. Even if I do get triggered sometimes, I can be in Baltimore, and I still have my sense of self. Baltimore hasn’t defined me, and it hasn’t gotten me beat.

…Also, in other news I got my hand stuck in a car door, because I am very conscientious and aware of my surroundings and would never put important things, like oh, I dunno, my appendages, in unsafe places because I was too busy looking at museum buildings. NOOOOO, I’d certainly never do that. (Ha, FAIL.)

Happy 2nd Birthday, Full Frontal Activism!

2011-07-03T22:31:00.000-07:00

Continuing in the tradition of rainbow-cake celebrations...

I was totally taken by these adorable heart-shaped ones! <3 Awesome. Credits to dobbybrain.com.

All in all, this year was a really great one in terms of activism. I've had the opportunity to discuss things with you lovely folk, begin speaking at events (and hopefully doing a lot more of that!), and meeting some other amazing intersex activists. What I am doing now is a long way from what I thought I could really do about raising intersex awareness as a confused kid in high school, and I'm so grateful to be a part of what I'm doing.

Yay activism! This blog will continue to do its part in smashing shit down, and planting flowers in its place. <333

Intersex Is Entertaining!: Baby Mama

2011-07-03T22:08:00.000-07:00

I was pretty sickly recently when I went home to visit my parents, and was up late one night flicking through the channels. I saw Tina Fey acting in some movie I hadn't seen before, and decided to pause for a while. In this movie, Baby Mama, Fey's character Kate selects a seemingly irresponsible woman, Angie (Amy Poehler) to be her surrogate mother. Drama ensues. Throughout the movie, Kate worries a lot about her fetus's health and development (totally reasonable). One particular scene of her worrywarting to her sister Caroline (Maura Tierney), though, really caught my attention:

K: "What if the baby's a hermaphrodite?"
C: "What?"
K: "A CHICK WITH A DICK. I heard it happens to about 2% of babies."
C: "Well, that's crazy. That would mean that about 10 people from our high school were hermaphrodites."
K: "That sounds about right, actually."
C: "You can't solve your problems by worrying about them."

The conversation continues with discussions of whether 4 year old Caroline's too young to get a cell phone for her birthday, Kate's plans in helping open a new store for her work, and how radiant Kate's hair is. Ya know, things that are really relevant to intersex and stuff.

Um, also - WHAT.

I have no idea whether any baby planning books reference intersex, but if any do, it is likely very very few, considering that most experiences shared by intersex parents indicate that they'd never heard before, and at least some of them have cracked open a bably planning book. It seems bizarre, then, that Fey's character would've heard something about "hermaphrodites" in this way.

The use of the word "hermaphrodites" is also confusing. This term is still around in various forms, but is considered to be archaic and offensive to many and also biologically inaccurate for reasons that we've detailed in previous posts. Hermaphrodites refer to biological organisms, such as various species of fish, amphibians, and mollusks that have both sets of fully functioning sex organs - either at the same time, or at different times in their life cycle. Humans don't qualify in either of those respects. (Although it's worth noting that some intersex individuals may use the term "herm" ("herm hugs!," right?!) to inclusively refer to themselves and other intersex individuals, reclaiming the term.) If intersex was covered in baby planning books, it would most likely be discussed as "intersex," and not "hermphrodites." (Unfortunately, there's also a chance it would be referred to in medicalized DSD terminology, ugh. This makes me want to flip open baby planning books and see what's exactly in there.)

Intersex = chicks with dicks, huh? Hmmmm. This phrase can be offensive to many people, whether identified as intersex, transgender, transvestites, and other gender identity/presentation--fluid/non-conforming individuals, even though here it specifically refers to intersex. This again is a serious biology fail with regards to what intersex is, and the diversity of intersex variations. This also equates intersex = all about genitals, whereas intersex bodies, and the traits we recognizie has showing sex differences, are way more extensive than just external genitals. And certainly not even just internal sex organs, hormone types and levels, and chromosome types. What about body hair disribution, chest/breast development, nipple development, overall height, shoulder:waist ratios, and bone and muscle form? How we sex bodies is much more complex than just external genitalia...if this was the case, people wouldn't automatically assign sex to a person walking down the street without inspecting what's in their pants first, right? This view of intersex is too narrow.

Intersex statistics. *sigh* It's really difficult to get an accurate handle on how many intersex individuals exist in the world. Many people whose bodies conform to definitions of a particular form of intersex may not identify as intersex, and thus wouldn't count themselves in hypothetical censues of intersex individuals. Those that do identify with intersex in some capactiy may understand their intersex not as a normal, biological way of being, but have only been introduced to the "you're sick and have a medical condition" perspective on intersex, and thus may not see themselves as "really intersex," but as a male or female with an "intersex condition." Individuals that may identify as intersex in some capacity may also not want to participate in such counts of intersex individuals due to trauma from the medical establishment and/or silence within their circle of loved ones and communities, in attempts to remove themselves from intersex associations altogether. Many clinicians are also unwilling to hand over their patient records (as though we should actually be considered "patients" in the first place, ugh) for these purposes. Furthermore, some individuals that do not understand what intersex is may claim intersex identities, incorrectly thinking it is akin to a type of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression, and may want to be included in counts of intersex individuals. I am very wary, then, or quoting statistics on how many intersex individuals exist, and think all statistics must be taken not with a grain of salt, but perhaps an entire shaker (or more!). The take-home message, however, in looking at these issues in obtaining demographic information on intersex individuals, is that there are likely a hell of a lot more of us than we currently recognize. Our bodies may be atypical, but we're not uncommon.

"That sounds about right, actually." --- This sentence really bugged me since, as I interpret it, considering intersex individuals may have existed in their high school was not a reveleation of, "Oh, hey! Intersex people exist pretty much everywhere! Yay, I'm more aware of this!" It sounds more like, "I remember a lot of weirdos in high school. Intersex = weird, so that pretty much fits the bill." Granted, I AM a total weirdo, but this has nothing to do with my intersex, and everything to do with me being a ridiculous person. Shame on you, Fey, for further freakifying intersex individuals. We get it enough from other places.

"You can't solve your problems worrying about them." --- I'm confused. Having an intersex baby = having a baby that is normal, healthy, and beautiful. How is this a problem? Why would you worry about that? Would your problems be solved if your child was not healthy and great? Is that what Kate actually wants? This statement only makes sense in the context of large-scale misunderstanding of what intersex is in many many societies and cultures. Shouldn't this sentence be referencing these skewed societal perceptions, and not the intersex individuals themselves? (A: YES.)

It gets better later in the film when out of nowhere, Kate advises someone not to read the "hermaphrodite" chapter of one of the infamous baby planning book, stating that it'll "give [them] nightmares for weeks." Nice.

All in all, I wasn't thrilled with this unnecessary jab at intersex individuals to get some cheap laughs. (*guffaw, guffaw* CHICKS WITH DICKS *slaps thigh, guffaw*) How 'bout some positive portrayals of intersex, please? 30 Rock, I'm keeping my eye on you.

Intersex and Identity: Self- and Perceived

2011-07-03T21:43:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about some interesting things regarding identity. Principally, how interconnected our various identities are. Each of our identities don’t exist in a vacuum, completely independent from all the others; in fact, many of our identities are built upon each other, so that it is not necessarily intuitive to describe yourself in one way while simultaneously claiming another identity that contradicts the first.

Let me explain.

Tricia, intersex activist and blogger of Intersex Unicorn, had a great post describing her sexual orientation after being asked by a reader. Her sexual orientation is, “I like girls.” Tricia explained her multiword identity by reminding us that since she identifies her sex as intersex, the use of standard terms out there wouldn’t be authentic to her. For example, lesbian didn’t feel right since it more strictly refers to a woman-identified person that is attracted to other women – Tricia didn’t feel her intersex identity matched up with this definition. Because of this, Tricia chose to express her sexual orientation as, “I like girls.” (I use a single word to describe my own sexual orientation since I’m potentially attracted to anyone, regardless of their sex or gender. Pansexual does not = I <3 cooking tools!)

I've also learned from accounts from intersex individuals, or in books about intersex that one’s perception of your identities may change after learning about your intersex. Casually discussing your love of sports (i.e., "They happen to be athletic!") can take on new meaning after learning about one's intersex (i.e., "They must be athletic because they're intersex. It's hormones or whatever!") A few moments before, you were just a person that liked doing something, and the fact that you liked thing thing was taken at face value. Being intersex + liking this thing, doing this thing, being this thing, whatever now just serves to reinforce your intersex. The fact that one likes, does, or is this thing isn't taken at face value - it's now perceived as a function of one's intersex.

When I think about this, I see headlines and articles of things I've read looking for the biological bases for blahblahblah or empirical reasons for being soandso or new evidence revealing why we're whosewhatsit. I think it's important to remember that there may well be biological bases for lots of things that color our self identities and our likes and dislikes. But we aren't out there trying to find the biological bases for lots of things. For example, what's the biological basis of liking blueberry muffins? There are likely biological explanations for why some individuals dislike blueberry muffins that have to do with sensory information and receptors and the genes that give rise to and control them. But at the end of the day, what does knowing where blueberry muffin dislike mean? What do we do with this information? Being a scientist myself, I think there is inherent value in understanding how the world works, how we work, how our bodies work. But just because we can find a biological basis for something doesn't mean that WHO WE ARE IN THAT RESPECT IS ANY LESS REAL, OR THAT IT SHOULD BE ANY LESS RESPECTED. Taken to extremes, some individuals are interested in how knowing the biological bases of something might be used to prevent people having traits that are considered undesirable, which can lead into eugenics and related scary stuff. The question then is, why are we cherrypicking what thing to investigate the biological bases for, while ignoring others? Knowing where intersex "comes from" doesn't change the fact that I'm still me, have always been me, will always be me. The point is to respect me, regardless of the minutiae of How and Why I'm Me. Additionally, focusing on biological perspectives alone is seriously limiting. Maybe some blueberry muffin haters don't eat them because they ate far too many once and became violently ill and just can't bear to stomach them again. Why someone is the way they are may be multi-facted and complex, and there isn't going to be a single "magic bullet" gene for everything that will illuminate the complexities of what it means to be a person and a biological being.

Identity is extremely complex, and I don’t feel that an individual’s many identities have to match up in a way that’s seen as intuitive or “normal” according to a culture’s mainstream views and attitudes – one’s identities just need to be authentic to that individual. Nor do I think that these identities need to be static and fixed. That being said, it is worth noting how consideration of one’s intersex shifts how that person’s other identities are constructed, described, and read by others. Many standard terms for identities are based upon the assumption of one’s biological sex as male or female, and for some of us, those assumptions simply can’t be made. How will we go about creating identities for ourselves that fit comfortably and feel authentic by accounting for our intersex? I don’t think that any such identities would need to be standardized since identity is so personal, although it’s interesting to consider that some terms could hypothetically catch on and be used in a (more-or-less) standardized way.

Although finding new ways to describe oneself can be a frustrating venture, in some ways, this could get downright fun. Let me know if you have created any identities accounting for intersex that you particularly like!

It Still Hurts. But That's Actually Okay.

2011-07-03T20:57:00.000-07:00

It's funny. I thought that becoming an activist, in some ways, meant that by virtue of doing work to raise awareness, generate discussion, and build community, that a sticks-and-stones kind of approach to ignorance would overtake me. That I'd just be more or less immune to ignorant comments, that I could just brush it off and never think about it again because damnit, I'm helping DO SHIT about it.

This isn't true, I'm coming to find.

A few weeks ago, I was taking a summer course, and was trying to do some group work. Someone asked a question about whether an individual was male or female, and no one knew. One member of the group, in a moment of silliness, remarked that maybe they were neither since we didn't know - maybe they were a "heshe"!

Now, I have a particularly strong dislike of using terms like "heshe" and "shim," unless someone wishes to identify as those things themselves. But that's not what this was really about. This was about me just sitting there nerding out, trying to get some work done, and being shocked into remembering that my body is not quite like everyone else's, and the popular view is that this is something funny and peculiar, and acceptable to make light of when fancy strikes. This is about the fact that others laughed, oh-how-ridiculous-you-are, although the fact that I was sitting there trying was proof that this heshe thing isn't a joke, and seriously misrepresents our biology. That using this term morphs my very-normal-to-me body into some sort of mythical creature in the context of the conversation. (Which I guess isn't out of question when you think of the Greek mythical roots of the old term "hermaphrodite," really.)

I was uncomfortable. The fact that that happened, that we're living in a time when many people don't know that throwing around terms like this is actually offensive, deflated me a bit. And that confused me. Wasn't I supposed to just rise above this and let their words bounce off to me and stick to...something, or however the hell the sticks-and-stones thing goes? Yes, it will take time to raise awareness so that others know about intersex, what it is, what that means, what is being done to our bodies without consent, how we stop this, how we love ourselves and respect all bodies and beings as they are. I don't expect that all people know about intersex now. But why did this bum me out so much?

I think the fact that I've become open talking about intersex, generating discussion, thinking about how intersex relates to lots of other issues, it's become so incorporated in my everyday radar that it shocked me a little bit into remembering - oh yeah, not everyone is thinking about this after all. I think it can be easy to talk to other activists and read activist blogs and have something be a big part of your life to the point that it's hard to remember that many people out there do not know A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. about intersex. Part of raising awareness is being able to start at square one, with the most fundamental concepts, and be able to start a dialouge about that, and you can't do that if you're always thinking about larger perspectives that stem from that foundational knowledge. Remembering that intersex is absolutely nowhere near someone's radar is really important.

I think, too, that my becoming really invested in raising awareness and ending abuse has made these experiences more acutely painful in some ways. When you work really hard to do something, and you are able to raise awareness in a small space, among several people, in a defined locale, it's wonderful. It can also be shocking, though, to leave those spaces and realize how many people are out there that haven't received such messages, have not had these conversations. It can be staggering and overwhelming to think, "How many are there out there that must be reached?" It can make you feel small and wonder what exactly how and if your work is reaching others.

You know what though? I think the most important thing I learned is that it's GOOD that I had a strong emotional reaction to this. The sticks-and-stones thing makes sense on a theoretical level, but even if I become more USED to encountering others that unknowingly make ignorant statements about people with atypical (and NORMAL! <3) bodies, I don't actually WANT to become entirely IMMUNE to such attitudes and perspectives. Because the ability to react, to feel something, means that I have a reason to keep fighting. Feeling something, even negative, means that I care about this shit. And those negative feelings can ben channeled into positive action. Negative feelings are fuel for getting things done. And that's what I intend to do.

I wish I hadn't heard what I did that afternoon, that that "joke" wasn't perceived as a joke. But if I was to go through this experience, I think it was valuable in that I learned (and re-learned) some lessons that are important for me to keep in mind if I'm going to join others in doing this work. Maybe I do feel some bone pain from the sticks and stones, but the sticks and stones have some lessons attached to them, too. Feeling some hurt is not entirely a bad thing in context.

<3 <3 <3

Activist Spotlight: Queer Intersects

2011-07-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

Hi, there! I've been in the dark, dark cave of applying for research grants and getting ready for another round of comprehensive exams in my grad program. *blinks, shields eyes from burning, burning light* It's damn good to be here! I hope all has been lovely for all of you lately :)

There's a new blog out there I would definitely recommend checking out: Queer Intersects. This anonymous blogger covers her experiences as a queer and intersex individual, and how intersex...well, intersects with queer communities, power, privilege, experience, identity, and more. Here's her second post (after her first introductory one) to give you a snippet of what to expect on this blog.

Enjoy! :D

OII-USA Website Gets A New Face!

2011-03-23T16:13:00.000-07:00

EXCITING NEWS!

The USA chapter of Organization Intersex International – or OII, the only international body for intersex activism – has updated their website! It is very user-friendly and attractive! I am so happy to have been involved in this process, and thank you to everyone who helped so much with writing/editing content, providing feedback and support, and one particular computer programmer (Tricia) who can code with the best of them!

Check it out, and feel free to e-mail the USA chapter at oii@oiiusa.org with any input you want to share! :)

Seen and Accepted: This Is What It Should Look Like

2011-03-23T16:12:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, someone was making a joke about extreme manliness, stating that an individual was so manly that they possessed not one, but two penises. The group I was with laughed. I quipped, “Huh – now that would be a form of intersex I’m not familiar with,” and the group laughed again.

Okay, why am I telling you about a silly joke I laughed at? (Other than to convince you that my sense of humor is on par with elementary schoolers, of course.) Because I made a joke referencing my intersex, and everyone was totally comfortable with it. I was with a group of awesome people that know about my intersex and are allies, and after making my joke, I wasn’t faced with blank stares, open mouths, raised eyebrows, and invasive questions. Just some extra laughter and the knowledge that I can feel comfortable around some individuals to mention my intersex without fear of rejection and stigmatization.

This moment was very brief, and probably not particularly noteworthy to the people I was with, but it meant the world to me that I could do this and feel this way afterward. The fact that I didn’t have to explain myself, and could just be understood as myself in this fundamental way (that unfortunately is still largely unheard of by the majority of people) both liberated and exhilarated me. I was seen by these individuals, and accepted without question, and perceived as normal anyway. (Well…at least in terms of my intersex. I’m not always “normal” otherwise – ha!)

If we wanted to, we could have a greater discussion about why this joke was funny – in the truism that one’s sex can be physically located, and that the primary location is in the genitals. But we don’t have to do that. This post isn’t so much about dissection, but about celebration. And I think it’s worth celebrating intersex as much as it’s worth organizing to end human rights abuses against us.

So yay for intersex, and our fabulous allies! You cannot put a price on being seen and accepted for who you really are.

Reminder: Good Mental Health Is Super-Important!

2011-03-23T16:07:00.000-07:00

Hello, lovely readers! I have been going through a multitude of personal issues lately, and have subsequently not been posting much. For anyone else who may be going through some rough times, I am linking back to the Crisis/Wellness Plan I previously posted, after Bonfire Madigan.

I hope that all of you are doing wonderfully!

<3

DSD a GID in the DSM? WTF?!

2011-01-14T14:25:00.000-08:00

The newest 5th edition of the DSM, or Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is slated to come out in May 2013. The DSM is the standard reference containing a battery of so-called "mental disorders" (which is not defined on their website) with which to diagnose "patients." This document is published and periodically updated by the American Psychological Association (APA). There has been a lot of backlash from various communities who state that their way of being is not, in fact, disordered, and that such listings should be removed from future editions of the DSM. Since a date has been set for the publication of the forthcoming DSM, a lot of activists are getting ready to challenge current DMS listings - intersex folk included.

I was a bit shocked to learn that intersex individuals are ALREADY listed in the current (4th) edition of the DSM. The APA considers intersex conditions to be mental disorders when accompanied by "gender dysphoria." While this term, too, is not defined on the webpage, the Gender Dysphoria Organization defines it as the following:

"...as identified by psychologists and physicians, is a condition in which a person has been assigned one gender, usually on the basis of their sex at birth (compare intersex disorders), but identifies as belonging to another gender, and feels significant discomfort or being unable to deal with this condition."

The Gender Dysphoria Organization also states that gender dysphoria is usually applied to individuals identified as transgender, transsexual, or more rarely, to transvestites. Gender dysphoria has not been classically applied to our perception of intersex individuals (or "hermaphrodites" on this site, but let's let that go for now).

The DSM-IV apparently does, however. This notion is very confusing. If intersex individuals experiencing dysphoria are considered to have gender identity disorder (GID), what does this mean, exactly? It means this: guardians/parents and clinicians that assign a sex (& a "matching" gender) to a intersex child expect that their child will identify with their assigned sex and behave in accordance to their gender roles. If that intersex individual doesn't feel that their assigned sex and gender are authentic, it's THEIR problem. The decision of parents and clinicians to "choose" a sex and gender for this child, though, was still totally appropriate.

Does this seriously make sense to anyone?

As defined now, the reason intersex individuals would be considered to have gender identity disorders by the DSM-IV is that they are trying to define themselves by who they actually are, and not by how others expect them to be.

Things can get a little bit tricky this this, since in past posts, when I've discussed assigning sex and gender, it's in the context of not subjecting intersex individuals to traumatic "treatment," including genital mutilation surgeries, which many result in permanent physical changes and psycho-emotional ramifications for them. However, assigning sex and gender may be an excerise exclusively to conform to social expectations. In this case, assignments would NOT be accompanied by any "treatment." They'd be little more than a way for parents to cope with the pressure of loved ones and strangers wanting to interact with a "boy" or "girl," and not have their child become a social pariah because they're intersex. I do not necessarily advocate initially raising intersex children as sexless or genderless, so long as parents don't FORCE their child to conform to the sex & gender they've originally assigned. Parents who assign intersex individuals a sex & gender at birth to keep in line with social norms can still put the power in the hands of their intersex children by listening to their kids and taking note of who their kids say that they are. If at any time, children state, "This is who I am," that happens to counter parents' initially assignments, parents can say, "Ok! This is who my kid is, and I'll let them be who they are," and make changes accordingly. This may mean using different pronouns, a wardrobe change, changing legal documents, or perhaps some or none of those things. Regardless, this way, intersex kids are still have the right to identify as WHO THEY ARE and be that person with parental support. This is a very different scenario from saying, "Hey! That's not who you are! The doctors and I decided that THIS is who you are. If you don't like it, it's YOUR problem!" (That problem, of course, would be none other than gender identity disorder, as defined by the APA.) This is also very different from going yet a step further, and saying, "We subjected you to all those surgeries and 'treatments' without your consent, and you're not HAPPY with them?! There's something wrong with you. Post-treatment, you're REALLY a [girl/boy] now!"

If intersex individuals were given the agency to be who they are, regardless of sex and gender assignments, intersex would not be listed in the DSM-IV right now. The APA defines the clash between assigned sex/gender assignment and an intersex individual's professed sex/gender as a certain kind of gender identity disorder - a GIDNOS, or gender identity not otherwise specified. There are other "disorders" considered to fall under the GIDNOS category, such as "stress-related cross-dressing" or a fixation on removing one's testicles or penis without wanting to "be female." In other words, it seems anything that falls outside typical parameters of gender identity disorder may be considered a GIDNOS.

Ok, so intersex is already in the DSM. It's of interest to note that the website lists two forms of intersex - partial androgen insensitivity syndrome, and congenital adrenal hyperplasia - which happen to include external genitalia that are considered "ambiguous" in form (read: aren't as easily classfied as "male"- or "female"-looking based on our accepted {though arbitrary} standards). While CAH is considered to be the most common form of intersex, PAS is not as common. Complete (vs. partial) adrogen insensitivity syndrome, is in fact, much more common than PAS. CAS individuals also have external genital described as typically "female" in form. The fact that the APA chose these two forms of intersex ("conditions"...ugh) as examples, then, not-so-subtly suggests that they might expect intersex individuals with "ambiguous" genitalia to counter their assigned sex/gender, and wish to identify the opposite way. (We know that there's not only two ways to identify - as male or female - or that these identities need to be fixed and unchanging forever, but it's not unlikely that the APA is thinking in terms of binaries regarding "gender identity disorder.") Once again, this isn't logical. After all, there are many people that are NOT INTERSEX whose identities differ from those assigned at birth (e.g., transgender individuals). Of those who ARE INTERSEX, having counter or more complex identities doesn't have to be related to having "ambiguous" external genitalia; my form of intersex is CAH, and I'm genderqueer. Identities - no matter what aspect of identity we're looking at - is not straightforward because every person is different and can't be expected to conform to hard-and-fast rules.

So, we've been talking about INTERSEX in the DSM, but some of you may be thinking, "Uh, didn't the title of this post reference DSD being in the DSM, and not intersex? When are we going to start talking about DSDs?" Now, dear reader! Thank you for your patience.

Yes, the possibility of putting DSD in the DSM-V is a very different ballgame from having already put intersex in the DSM-IV. Why? Well, we have previously discussed DSDs here and here and linked to OII's fantatic page to consider how DSD is very different from intersex. Basically, it provides further justification for calling intersex a medical condition instead of a healthy normal, way of being because "something wrong" happened during development. Using such medical jargon also makes it sound more...well, "scienc-y," which provides more legitimacy to the term. The fact that DSDs = something wrong happened also means that DSD = clinicians need to fix something!, justifying physically and psycho-emotionally harmful "treatments," often subjected to intersex people without their consent. If DSDs = something wrong, then it may also justify preventing births of intersex individuals for no other reason than they're intersex. I am 100% for birthing parent's right to choose whether or not to give birth, but spreading "DSD is bad" propaganda which would cause someone to abort a fetus they otherwise would've loved to give birth to is straight-up eugenics. Using the term DSD doesn't give intersex individuals a clear way to identify if their identity strongly resonates with being intersex. For example, I don't consider my sex male or female - I'm intersex. Period. So, if the use of DSD became more widespread, then how would I identify? I'm not male or female - I'm...disordered? Intersex individuals are NOT disordered, and don't deserve to be labeled as such. One last thing to keep in mind (since there's definitely more we could talk about) is that intersex individuals did not collectively decide to replace the term intersex with DSD - this was done primarily by one intersex individual (Cheryl Chase), several academics, and a whole bunch of clinicians. It's not okay to collectively decide to use a term to describe a group of people without consulting with that population to see if they even WANT a change in terminology. We've seen this in a lot of politically correct name-changing, such as the now-pervasive use of "African American." As Hida Viloria once said in conversation, "Wasn't "black" beautiful to begin with?" Why, yes. Yes, it was.

So, there's ample problems with the term DSD being in the DSM in general, since the term itself is loaded with problems. The fact that DSD, though, makes intersex seem like a legitimate medical condition, though, reiforces that fact that those intersex individuals who counter initial sex & gender assignments have legitimate PSYCHOLOGICAL conditions, too. Thus, this justifies the inclusion of intersex individuals in the DSM in a way that it has not been in the current edition.

This also means that intersex would not be listed as a GIDNOS - as some sort of gender identity disorder that falls out of line with other more "typical" hallmarks of gender identity disorder. If you check out the "Proposed Revisions" tab for gender identity disorders for both children and for adolescents and adults, you'll see at the bottom of the text, under "Subtypes" that the manifestations of gender identity disorder may occur along with a DSD, or may occur without a DSD. This means that the APA is sending a clear message to intersex individuals who counter thier initial sex/gender assignments: "Look, the reason that you've got gender identity disorder is because you've got a DSD! DSD is a medical condition, meaning your body's development got screwed up somewhere along the line. The fact that you feel this way isn't because others made decisions for you they didn't have the right to make or couldn't make with certain accuracy...it's because you're sick! And the APA is here to make sure you get better by accepting what others have chosen for you, before you even knew who you were! Have fun with that!"

This is totally, utterly unacceptable and is yet another step removed from anything approaching logic.

If DSD gets added to the DSM, not only will DSD perhaps become more prevalent over the use of the term intersex, but intersex individuals will be fighting with psychological health professionals to convince them we're normal and there's nothing wrong with us. Trangender individuals have been fighting these similarly illogical and unjustifiable standards for years, and intersex individuals are going to be seen similarly - as individuals who may know what they want, but are still "sick," and need to justify themselves to others who apparently know more about who you should be than you, yourself, do.

There's definitely going to be fighting to not simply remove intersex from the DSM, but to prevent the inclusion of DSD as a form of GID. I'll keep you updated on what we can do - there's sure to be petitions, rousing discussion, and protest before any of this is finalized.

No matter what any governing body says, we're not disordered, and we don't need to be fixed. We are beautiful and healthy and normal and will never stop saying that.

<3

Intersex Activist Event!: Dec 16, 7pm, Wooden Shoe Books, Philadelphia, PA

2010-11-18T22:39:00.000-08:00

Hi, everyone! I will be speaking about intersex - what it is, how it's perceived by the medical-industrial complex and mainstream Western society, and how these perceptions inform the human rights abuses committed against intersex individuals. This event will be part-lecture, part-Q&A. I don't want to just talk at individuals, but allow for all participants to be active participants, generating interactive discourse about intersex.

If you're available, I'd love to see you there! This event will be held at the fabulous Wooden Shoe Books, a collective, radical volunteer-run bookstore and activist center. The event will be on December 16th at 7pm.

If you can't make it to this event, no worries! I'm planning more speaking events in the NY, PA, and NJ area soon, and would definitely be open to going further afield in the US if the opportunity arose and I had the means to do so.

Thanks for your support, whether in physical presence or in spirit. <3

Intersex Is Entertaining!: Freaks and Geeks

2010-11-12T16:50:00.000-08:00

Welcome back for another round of dissecting how popular entertainment perceives intersex individuals, and how closely these perceptions track reality.

Although I'll be looking at some medical shows in the future (like ER and House), I really liked discussing Juno previously was because it was something I hadn't heard others talking about before. In this vein, I want to discuss an episode from the totally heartwarming, cult classic television show, Freaks and Geeks.

This come-of-age, slice-of-life comedy-drama (um, holy hyphenation, Batman...I'm out of control) depicts two groups of outcast misfits, and their middle-/high-school trials and tribulations. I haven't seen the entire series, but from what I have seen, it's fantastic, and easy to see why it's both critically acclaimed and bemoaned for having been cancelled after the first season.

Imagine my delight, then, when my partner told me there was a Freaks and Geeks episode on intersex! I was really psyched.

Unfortunately, whatever hype may rightfully be attributed to this show ultimately can't be applied to Episode 17 - "The Little Things." (Or try here at Veoh, since you WMG won't authorize audio track on 2 of the 5 parts on YouTube. Freaking corporations. Be warned, though: my computer may now be acting weird after visiting Veoh. Just sayin'.)

This intersex portion of this episode focuses on Ken (Seth Rogen) talking to his girlfriend Amy, who he's been seen earlier in the episode being cute and cuddly with, and praising her awesomeness. In one scene, while Ken and Amy snuggle on Amy's bed, Ken discloses that he doesn't invite Amy to his house because he hates spending time there. As an example of how disconnected he his to his parents, he discloses that he was raised by a nanny and not so much by his parents. Amy states that she didn't know that, and is glad Ken told her.

Here's where the problems start. In return, Amy says she's got something to tell. She bolts straight-up and positions her body in confrontation-mode, making Ken promise he won't freak out. Ken is seemingly a bit confused. After all, what the hell could be such a crisis, right? (He actually says, "If you killed someone or somethin'...*trails into incoherent mumbling*.") Whatever Amy's doing, this is apparently how to scare the living daylights out of someone.

After a brief moment of denfensiveness, Amy states that at birth, she "had the potential to be male or female," being born with "both male and female parts." Ken deadpans, "Uh-huh..." looking like he already mentally checked out of the conversation that was set up to fail from the beginning. Amy states that her parents and the doctors decided to "make [her] a girl, and thank god, because that's who I am," and follows it with, "it's still a big part of my life, and [I] thought you should know."

Ken sure doesn't look like he's glad he knows, though. Actually, Ken looks like he's going to faint or hurl or implode from sheer discomfort. He tries to comfort the visibly-upset Amy with something eloquent like, "You know, it uh, er, uh, er, uh, you're- uh, er, - you're all girl now." (And repeating it later.) And then, as an apparent mood-lightening joke, "You know, if I were dating you when you were just born, things might be a little different because...uh...all that stuff, and *trails into incoherent mumbling again*," as well as, "I had my appendix out, so...uh, I've been there."

The next day in school, Ken can barely communicate with Amy about going to chemistry class and Salisbury steak before going in for an awkward, eye-wandering hug instead of a kiss before she trudges away, looking defeated. Later, they're sitting, not touching each other, on a wooden table outside, and Amy defensively calls him out. "You can't even look at me!" Ken counters with, "How am I supposed to act after ya tell me...somethin' like that?" and then, "I don't know what to do! There's nothin' I can do...I can't change it!" Amy asks him if he can "live with it," and Ken responds, "Live with what? It's over. You know, move on." Amy counters he doesn't get it, "...that no matter what the doctors did, there's always gonna be some part of [her] that's...*stops abruptly, like it's too horrific to go on." "...a guy?" Ken helpfully offers. Amy is none to pleased with this, but it gets Ken staring off in the distance, mulling over his suggestion.

In the next scene, at a sleepover with guy friends Nick (Jason Segel) and Daniel (James Franco), Ken states he's gonna break up with Amy, out of the blue. After making half-hearted excuses, he decides to disclose Amy's intersex to his buds - "...and not to tell anyone, EVER, okay?" After a pause, "Amy's not really a girl." After a well-placed, "Huh?", he explains she's "a girl, but she's- she's kinda part guy, too." Amazingly, this doesn't clear up his friends' confusion, so he offers that, "when she was born, she was carrying both the gun, AND the holster." Cut to James Franco's WTFBBQ face. Nick asks, also rather eloquently, "Well...uh, erm, uh, does she have, uh...the gun?" "NO!" Ken responds, as though keeping all her own body parts was a ridiculous notion. "The doctors...took care of it." Nick thinks it's cool, cause she's a girl now, but Daniel says, "I don't think it works that way. Ya better get rid of her." He says he might love her, though, to which Daniel responds, "Does that mean that you're gay?" Daniel says he was joking, but Nick now has doubt...is he gay for maybe loving Amy?

So he goes to the guidance counselor the next day, and telling that, "...there's a small - little - chance...I might be...gay?" The counselor responds that it's cool, but Ken suddenly becomes uncomfortable after learning that the guidance counselor himself is not gay, as he had assumed. (And we all know what ASSumptions do, amirite?) After a quick, "I think I better get goin'..." he indulges in listening to a bit of music before pulling out a super-secret-looking manilla envelope with two pornographic magazines - one featuring females, and one males. The scene ends with him staring from one cover to the other, looking confused as hell.

Later, Ken and Amy arrive to meet up with some friends, including Lindsay (Linda Cardellini) and Kim (Busy Philipps). Daniel casually says, "Hey, guys." Ken aggressively counters, "What's that supposed to mean...Daniel?" After pointedly staring from Daniel to Amy to Daniel again, Daniel holds up his hands, saying, "Ah, geez, Ken, I didn't mean it like that..." But Ken's not havin' it. He clocks Daniel, who falls off the fence or post or whatever he was sitting on, and his other friends yell at Ken for punching Dan. Amy, putting it together that Ken discussed their private conversation with others, says, "Oh, my god," and runs off, horrified. Ken runs off to catch up with Amy, while Lindsay and Kim stand there in shock that Daniel isn't going after Ken to beat the crap out of him. Ken taps on Amy's window, and apologizes for being an idiot, but now it's Amy that's not havin' it. She wipes away some tears, shuts her eyes, and ignores Ken, who stalks off dejectedly. On the way home, Daniel gives him a lift, indicating they're cool with one another.

The next day, Ken and his friend Lindsay's younger brother, Sam (John Francis Daly), run into one another in the bathroom. Sam is grumpy and nervous about breaking up with his girlfriend - a stuck-up, belitting, controlling jerk that everyone has been encouraging him to keep dating the entire episode because she's hot and popular (and he's not widely considered either of those things). Ken shares that he's thinking about breaking up with his girlfriend as well, since things are "...very, very complicated." Sam bemoans that he and his girlfriend have nothing in common, and he has no fun when he's with her. Ken can't empathize, because his girlfriend is cool, and he does have fun with her. "God, then, what's the problem?" a cranky Sam shoots off. Ken pauses, and eventually kind of smiles and says, "I don't know."

With his newfound enlightenment, Ken rushes to find Amy among the other band kids to see her before she plays tuba for President Bush. (...Just go with it.) He blurts out, "I'm sorry...and I don't care...I'm so sorry." And then they go in for a hug and kiss, while her tuba bashes him in the head. (Karma! Yesssssssss)

In short, this entire episode is a shitshow for a whole bunch of reasons.
1) Intersex isn't some horrible, awful thing that requires you to terrify your conversation partner before discussing it. A lot of how people react to what you say is how you present it. Prefacing an otherwise really boring, mundane conversation with a scare-your-pants-off tactic somehow makes even what you packed for lunch today somewhat sinister. If you discuss talking about your healthy, normal intersex body without shame attached to it, your companion will be much more likely to have a positive, productive conversation about intersex with you. Conversely, if you present it like it's something to be ashamed about, they're probably going to internalize that view. This is a far cry from saying that it is easy to talk about intersex; there ARE certain things that are difficult to talk about, and it can be really great to be open enough to say, "Some of the things I want to discuss are difficult for me to do so, but it's important to me to do so, and I trust and value you enough as a friend to have this conversation with you." But authentically and candidly voicing your negative feelings surrounding some lived experiences is really different than generating P!A!N!I!C! regarding something that truly isn't an emergency - medical, socio-cultural, or otherwise.

2) Amy really poorly explained intersex. I can't blame Ken for being super-confused regarding what intersex is throughout the entire episode. If intersex were explained properly - as a biological way of being (and not a medical condition) that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with gender identity, sexual orientation, etc. - then Ken may have been able to act appropriately with accurate information in hand. It's painful to see him go to his guidance counselor and initiate awkward conversations with friends wondering if he's gay or if Amy's "really" female, but if this is seriously how intersex was described to you, would you have reacted so differently? I'm unsure that I would have.

3) Amy says she's born with "male and female parts." Since intersex is essentialized by genitals, the viewer likely assumes she means both a penis and vagina at once. This is echoed in no uncertain terms later by Ken, asserting that Amy is packing both "gun and holster." There are lots of biological traits that we designate "male" or "female," and many of these aren't external genitalia, including body hair distrubution, breast development, nipple development, hormone types, hormone levels, bone structure, musculature, internal sex organs, and chromosomes. Amy could've been talking about ANY of these traits, but the focus is on the genitals. It appears that the writers didn't do enough (any?) research to truly understand what intersex is.

4) Amy expresses relief that her parents "made the right choice" in assigning her female, and performing genital mutilation surgery to feminize her external genitalia. How would the episode look if Amy was NOT happy about the choice that her parents made - whether or not she felt female in terms of sex or gender? The issue of right to consent to medical procedures that are not for health benefits is not discussed. While Amy might be happy she was assigned female, this episode does not address the fact that Amy could've been just as happy had surgery not been performed at all, and she'd been given the agency to decide what was done to her own body when she was able to consent - thus allowing HER to make the right choice for HERSELF. Additionally, none of the very common after-effects of genital mutilation surgery were discussed - in Amy's probable case of clitoral surgery, painful/lack of sexual sensation (including orgasm), severe scarring, trauma from multiple surgeries, etc.

5) Amy states that intersex is a "big part of [her] life," but doesn't explicate upon this. Why is it a big part of her life? This would've been a great opportunity to discuss the physical and psycho-emotional trauma intersex individuals commonly experience as a result of their experiences with the medical-industrial complex, through the sum of her own lived experiences. But she doesn't do this. If something is such a big part of her life, why wouldn't she expand upon this to help Ken (and us viewers!) understand why?

6) Ken states twice that Amy's "all girl now." Amy is all girl as long as she says she's all girl - whether or not she received genital mutilation surgery. Medical "treatment" doesn't legitimize one's sex and gender identities. Amy is who she says she is, and that should be taken seriously, at face value, because no one can know who Amy is except Amy herself. Period.

7) Ken states that "things might be a little different because...uh...all that stuff," indicating that he would be reluctant at best to date Amy if genital mutilation surgery hadn't been performed on her. Having undergone surgery without consent doesn't make one more eligible date.

8) Ken lightheartedly compares intersex genital mutilation surgery as akin to getting one's appendix out. This normalizes the view that intersex is a medical condition in need of fixing, and that medical "treatment" serves to "fix" the problem of being intersex. Not cool.

9) Apparently, it's so shaming to learn that someone is intersex that it is perfectly acceptable to not want to look them in the eye or touch them after being told "...something like that." It could totally be catching, right?! Great job, Ken.

10) Ken tells Amy to "move on" from her lived experiences because "it's over." This implies that because Amy underwent genital mutilation surgery, her ordeals being intersex are over! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! While well-intentioned, telling Amy to just get the eff over it invalidates her lived experiences, and erases both her past and identity as an intersex individual. Ultimately, it is a move toward erasure of intersex individuals in general - removing the freaks from all the good, "normal" people out there that were fortunate enough not to be born as weirdos. This also indicates that once medical "treatment" is performed, the intersex individual is "fixed," and thus doesn't really have to think about intersex ever again if they don't want to, because it's a non-issue. However, intersex individuals - whether or not they identify as intersex - often deal with the aftermath of the trauma they underwent during treatment, in their family lives, etc for the rest of their lives.

11) Amy clearly isn't out regarding her intersex, so Ken had no right to disclose Amy's intersex status to others without consulting her first.

12) Daniel's urging to "get rid of her" when Ken discloses Amy's intersex status indicates that they're something wrong with intersex individuals, and a desire to date them is misplaced, inappropriate, and kind of creepy and weird. This definitely overlaps with queer-phobia ("OMG KEN YOU CAN'T DATE SOMEONE WHO'S KIND OF A BOY THEN UR GAY WTF LOLZ") as well as trans-phobia (since Amy's now-perceived sex and gender indentities don't match up in Daniel's mind with Amy's stated sex and gender identities). This whole scene is really pathetic in how generally -phobic it is.

13) Who keeps their porn in a manilla envelope? (Seriously.)

14) More conflation of sex and gender variables occurs when Ken assumes his guidance counselor is gay based on...what, exactly? How he acts? dresses? What? *Kennnnn...?!*

15) Ken's overreaction at Daniel's use of the plural, "guys" when addressing Ken and Amy reinforces the fact that no matter how Amy identifies herself, she'll always kind of be a guy or something anyway. By virtue of Amy being intersex, Ken's incorrect notions have priority over Amy's professed identities.

16) Don't go in for a passionate kiss when your head is close to heavy metal things, dumbass. Really?

The one great thing about the intersex portion of this episode is that Ken comes around to the realization that Amy fucking rocks, and neither her sex and gender identities or her intersex lived experiences are going to change that. He loves Amy for the person she is, and throwing away his great relationship isn't worth it just because her body form is less typical. But, this heartwarming ending is simply too little, too late; a few seconds of smooching amidst shiny things doesn't make up for an entire episode's worth of ignorance.

Intersex people aren't freaks. You'd think a show called Freaks and Geeks would've gotten that, right?

Fear of the Unknown or Unheard Of Affects Perceptions of Intersex

2010-11-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

Humans are verifiably stuffed with misinformation.

One experience regarding this that sticks out in my mind was two years ago, when an acquaintance vehemently denied that vegan diets were healthful. I had recently switched from my 3-year-long laco-ovo vegetarian diet (i.e., I still ate eggs and dairy products) to veganism (i.e., I excluded eggs, dairy products, and any other animal products from my diet). This acquaintance was unsupportive of veganism, and warned me to be careful that my body would not "shut down." I discussed the research I had done before becoming vegan - both reading scholarly sources and talking to long-time vegan friends - before both deciding to commit to veganism, and to ensure that my transition would be safe and healthy. After hedging a bit, she stated that even if my own body reacted fine, raising vegan kids was totally unsafe. Confused, I responded that I had read accounts of parents raising healthy kids on a vegan diet, and that their own health was often better than their omnivorous peers. My elaboration wasn't well-received, though - my acquaintance had had enough. She shut down and said, "No, I've heard that you just can't do that." She excused herself pretty soon after and joined another group of people to have other conversations.

Now, this post doesn't really have anything to do with my dietary choices persay. The broader point I want to make is that humans often speak very authoritatively on subjects about which they haven't heard much at all, and whatever they've heard doesn't necessarily mean that information is accurate.

There's evidence of this kind of thing all around us. Someone tells me with absolute certainty that someone's birthday party is on a particular night, when their party is actually the day before or after. Individuals are more than eager to offer advice on how to treat certain kinds of sickness, using methods that might be outdated or just plain incorrect. People gossip about so-and-so's relationship with whoever-the-hell and shit-if-I-care as though they were present for these individuals' collective interactions, whether these people are those that they know in real life or are celebrities.

People like to talk authoritatively about things because it makes them feel smart and knowledgeable.

The desire to feel smart and knowledgeable aren't bad in and of themselves. The desire to know is what leads us to gain information so that we are no longer ignorant about something. Learning what we already know about something and formulating our own views on our subjects of interest enables us to make sense of our dynamic world, and keep track of the massive, ever-changing amount of information about it. If we didn't try to make sense of anything happening around us, we would likely feel very overwhelmed.

Problems set in when, instead of going out, seeking knowledge, and formulating opinions, we just take others' word for it regarding unknown subjects. Instead of turning to the Internet, library books, and/or individuals highly knowledgeable on various subjects (including those with lived experience), most of us seem content to absorb colloquial information we hear in passing from others (who very likely have themselves gained this information colloquially from others, in passing). The result is that information is traded, but this information is not accurate (or maybe only partially so); ultimately, what is spread is more misinformation and ignorance.

So, what does this have to do with intersex activism? The desire to be knowledgeable about sex and gender overpowers the desire to truly understand. Many people are very, very uncomfortable with the idea that bodies don't fit firmly into "male" or "female" categories. Many people don't like wondering what one's biological sex means if it's "ambiguous." Does this mean this individual will be homosexual? Does this mean intersex kids will act unlike the stereotypical little girls or little boys they consider ideal? Many individuals consequently don't like the idea of leaving intersex infants "un-fixed" by not performing genital mutilation surgery, or performing other so-called "treatments," so that they're "really" boys or girls afterward.

In order to understand intersex, people would need to question whether or not one's sex actually has anything to do with one's gender, gender role (including gender presentation and performance), sexual orientation, and sexual behavior. Many individuals don't know that others have made distinctions among these things, and that these factors don't necessarily influence one another. Such individuals would also need to question what intersex is, whether intersex is truly a medical issue, and whether performing "treatment" without the individual's consent is ethical.

Doing these things would not be terribly difficult. Sources exist on the Internet, in libraries, and in the form of intersex individuals (some of whom are loudmouths like me, that greatly desire to generate awareness and discussions about intersex issues) that could be used to educate and inform one's perspective on intersex. But people's long-standing beliefs die hard simply because these ideas are those they grew up with, those that they were comfortable with, those that they assumed were inviolable, without exceptions. It's just another case of, "No, I've heard that you just can't do that" - whether "that" is identifying a certain way, refusing to be medicalized and "treated" when it's unnecessary, and a host of other things. Ultimately, these ideas are so scary because if such a socio-cultural fundamental - "Males and females only exist" - can be incorrect, then what other taken-for-granted things are incorrect?

It's too much for many to question foundational beliefs and systems in our societies. I don't think that this is an excuse not to, but I think that anxiety over being unknowledgeable informs why intersex is still largely unheard of, misconstrued, and unaccepted.

What do you think?

"Herm Hugs!"

2010-11-02T20:03:00.000-07:00

I've discussed previously why it is impossible for human intersex individuals to be biological hermaphrodites. Hermaphrodites are animals that possess both sets of fully functioning sex organs, either at the same time, or at different points during an animal's life cycle. Common hermaphroditic animals include various species of fish, amphibians, snails, and slugs. Humans do not possess both sets of fully functioning sex organs at any time, and thus do not meet the conditions to be referred to as "hermaphrodites."

However, my perception on never using this term, ever, has changed. After meeting Hida and Tricia, I was surprised to learn that the term "hermaphrodite" doesn't bother them. After sputtering a bit and invoking biological inaccuracies, I learned that some intersex individuals have reclaimed the term among themselves, and sometimes refer to one another as their "herms." I never knew this, seeing as I had never met another openly intersex person before in my life. (Although Tricia, similarly isolated, was somehow in the know about this. Hmmmm...)

After reflecting on reclaiming this term, I learned that I was comfortable using "herm" as a positive identifier among other intersex individuals. I was happy to receive what were affectionately called "herm hugs" from Hida and Tricia. I also got into referring to Tricia's flow-y hair as her "hermane," and after learning that some Biblical texts apparently allude angels being "hermaphrodites," I would loudly sing, "Hermangel, HERMANGEL!" to the tune of "Earth Angel," by The Penguins, from the movie Grease. (Okay, it was more screaming than singing, and Tricia's ears probably bled from it. Tricia - if you're reading, I got your medical bills covered on that.)

I don't advocate for brining back the term hermaphrodite for use on a wide scale. Besides biological inaccuracy, "hermaphrodite" has a lot more stigma associated with it based on its historical use, whereas "intersex" doesn't have as much. But just because I identify as intersex doesn't mean I can't use this term affectionately and inclusively among other intersex individuals.

So, all of you intersex individuals that are out there reading - have a virtual herm hug, if you're so inclined! *herm hug*

What Do Intersex Activists Want, Anyway?

2010-11-02T18:06:00.001-07:00

This is a question I've been getting a fair amount lately, and I think it's worth exploring. Let's dive in, shall we?

Intersex activists, in general, are fighting for the following:
1) Awareness of what intersex is, what it is not, and that intersex individuals exist.
2) Understanding that intersex bodies are healthy, natural, normal bodies that don't need "fixing." Intersex is thus not a medical issue, and shouldn't be treated like one.
3) Intersex individuals must have a right to consent to anything done to their own bodies, especially since such "treatment" is not for medical/health purposes. No one else - whether guardians and/or clinicans - can truly consent for each intersex individual. (So, for example, there's no argument that an infant that needs a heart transplant shouldn't get one because that infant doesn't understand what a heart is, or the complications involved in transplant surgery. On the other hand, an individual doesn't incur any health risks if their clitoris is enlarged, or if they happen to have a vulva and XY chromosomes. These aren't medical concerns, and therefore don't require medical treatment.)
4) Intersex individuals are normal people, even if we possess less typical suites of biological traits. The only reason these suites are considered atypical is because they aren't so easily shoehorned into one of two acceptable bodily forms - "male" or "female." They still fit into the normal ranges of human biological variation. Thus, intersex individuals' bodies shouldn't be shamed, fetishized, and exploited.
5) The shame, stigmatization, isolation, and trauma many intersex individuals feel result from medical "treatment," and not from knowledge of one's intersex. One must stop such treatment in order to end lasting emotional and psychological harm.
6) Intersex people shouldn't shut up and eat their shame. Intersex individuals are prevented from connecting with one another, and from decrying abuses against them by the medical community because we're told that one's intersex is a personal issue that shouldn't be discussed for fear of being shamed. Really, our shame comes from being told, whether directly or indirectly, that our conditions are shameful; conversely, reaching out and advocating for ourselves would allow us to empower ourselves and generate change. Our voices need to be heard and not silenced.
7) Intersex doesn't necessarily have anything to do with one's gender identity, gender role (including presentation and performance), sexual orientation, sexual behavior, or anything other sex-and-gender variables. Intersex is biological in nature, even though it's considered a social emergency, because some individuals expect that based on one's sex, all those other variables have to line in in a particular way according to "male" or "female" standards. Even if sopme of these other variables are at least partially informed by biology, you can't make predictions about how someone will identify with regards to any of them just by knowing that they're intersex. (Really, you can't do this for anyone, whether they're intersex or not.) After all, lots of people who are not intersex identify in ways that are considered not to "match up" to other aspects of themselves (e.g., a male-identified person that wears skirts).

It's important to note that not all activists are fighting for the same things, though. Many activists would add a 8th condition:
8) Repealing the use of "disorders of sexual development (DSD)" as a replacement for "intersex." While the term "intersex" itself is problematic, and some have no issues with changing it to something else (as I've previously posted), DSD is a poor choice for several reasons. DSD really came into being through ONE intersex person (Cheryl Chase) working with medical doctors and academics (notably, Alice Dreger). Can one intersex individual speak for how all intersex individuals wish to identify? Likewise, can an outside group (here, the medical community) determine how another group must identify, even if it's not how that group prefers to identify themselves? I would strongly argue no to both questions. DSD is also a term that falls in step with how other medical jargon sounds ("So science-y!"), further reinforcing the flawed view that intersex is a medical condition requiring treatment. (As well as allowing for eugenics. Some estimate that as methods of pre-natal screening become cheaper, less invasive, and more accurate, it may be more common to "diagnose intersex" and subsequently abort fetuses simply for being intersex.) Furthermore, DSD is not able to be used as an identity; one can identify as intersex, but one would be very hesitant to identify as a "disorder," which absolutely carries negative connotations in English. Hida Viloria states that in other languages, translations of "disorders of sexual development" misrepresent intersex as transgender or having a queer sexual orientation or something non-intuitive and confusing, which simply violates the first objective of intersex activists. You can read more about DSD here.

Not all intersex activists are on board with repealing DSD, however. Some individuals that have worked closely with Chase and ISNA in its earlier, progressive days feel ambivalence about the term, or feel that since some parents and doctors like DSD, that using it is okay. I would definitely question, though, whether this term has gained widespread support among intersex individuals themselves, and if not, whether using it is still acceptable. I would also question if those intersex individuals supporting it do so because they have inherently always felt that their bodies are disordered and need fixing without outside influence, or whether they feel this way because of the shame induced by clinicians, parents, and mainstream society at large.

It's also important to note that not all intersex individuals are supportive of what intersex activists are fighting for. Many individuals view their intersex as a medical "condition," as it was very very very likely described to them by the medical community. Those that have never been exposed to alternative perspectives may never have questioned whether intersex is truly medical in nature, and whether it is ethical to alter one's body without consent if such alterations are not medically necessary. Some intersex individuals feel an affinity with the queer community, even if they don't identify as queer themselves, because queer activism targets attempts to repress autonomy based on perceptions of what they are supposed to be and do with their bodies - something in line with intersex activism. Others don't want to have any involvement with queer communities, and greatly oppose inclusion, as I've posted previously.

Finally, it's important to note that activists not engaged in intersex activism may confuse the efforts of intersex activists with other movements'. For example, some assume that all intersex activists want to repeal sex-and-gender binaries for good. I am all for allowing for full sex-and-gender expression, whether individuals wish to use traditional "female" or "male" identifiers, or with other more complex, fluid, and non-static identities. However, I do not advocate for these goals specifically as an intersex activist because right now, the immediate concern must be ending harmful "treatment" practices that cause psychological, emotional, and even *actual* health problems (!) for intersex individuals. Other individuals are going to be less receptive to questioning the utility of the sex-and-gender binary, and how well it actually resonates with others' lived experiences than they will be to simply consider whether it's ethical to poke, prod, and lop off parts of healthy bodies without consent. If we tried to go from that angle, we'd probably be waiting much much longer to end the very immediate, very real trauma intersex individuals are undergoing now. Focusing on the human rights issues at hand are where our priorities must lie, regardless of whether intersex activists ALSO support others' expression of their sex and gender identities.

So, despite the fact that there isn't total consensus, there are a lot of things intersex activists are collectively fighting for. Let's work toward meeting intersex individuals' needs, thus gaining equal rights soon.

Thanks For Your Support for IAD 2010 in NYC!

2010-11-02T17:02:00.000-07:00

Seriously. The two aforementioned events were wonderful, far beyond anything I had consciously hoped for. For those of you supported Intersex Awareness Day in NYC this year - whether in person or in spirit - a sincere thank you to you. <3

The Tuesday night film-and-Q&A was really kind of magical for me in that an honest dialogue about intersex was generated. I'd never been in the same room with so many people that were eager to ask (non-stigmatizing!) questions and offer perspectives on many issues related to intersex. There wasn't a whole lot of discussion about the film itself, One in 2,000, but I was more than content with that. Us participants were so engaged in discussion that we ran 45 minutes over the event's end time, and some stayed on longer yet as we moved to a close-by restaurant for light-fare, conversation-heavy end to the evening. It was simply so great to speak openly and candidly about a wide range of intersex issues, and I'm eager to have more of that in the future. I am thrilled to have the opportunity to do so, since between this event and the next, I made contact with some individuals interested in continuing these conversations elsewhere. Yay for future activist events - woo!

The Wednesday night presentation-and-Q&A at Bluestockings was equally successful. I gave an "introduction to intersex," explaining what it was, and how our perspectives on intersex inform the human rights abuses committed against intersex individuals.

Hida Vilora discussed her experiences as a participant in the International Olympic Committee (IOC) discussions held in Switzerland less than two weeks ago, aimed at determining whether intersex athletes should be allowed to compete in the Games or not. Although I discussed aspects of some of these points in a previous post, Hida did a great job articulating them in no uncertain terms. They are as follows:
1) Creating an "intersex" competition category (in addition to "male" and "female" competition categories) won't solve any problems, since not all individuals identify as intersex, there are many types of intersex, not all individuals know they have intersex bodies to begin with, and there are few intersex competitors in the Games. Thus, making an "intersex 100-m dash" won't magically result in fair competition for all.
2) Not all intersex individuals are conferred with physical advantages just by virtue of their intersex. For example, I'm CAIS, and produce heightened levels of testosterone, but my body can't process ANY OF IT, so I don't receive any phsyical advantages by its excess production.
3) Even if one's intersex does confer physical advantages resulting in increased athletic performance, these attributes are NATURAL. One would not require Michael Phelps to receive surgery to make his naturally long arms and large feet smaller, since they contribute to his prowess in the pool. Instead, we all say, "Wow! What a gift!" because Phelps was BORN with these things. But since intersex is synonymous with something ambiguous that needs fixing, the more common sentiment is, "Wow! That's unfair! Put 'em on hormones to make it a REAL competition again!" But this sentiment is really misguided - if the IOC reqired individuals to alter their bodies so no one had any athletic advantages over others, every competition would result in a tie. (And even if we didn't give a crap about human rights, if for no other reason, the Games would be hella boring to watch if this was done.)
4) As relates to the previous criticism, supporters of altering intersex bodies to make competition "fair" state that they can still compete - they just have to go on hormones for a required length of time! This is akin to saying, "You can get married if you're queer! You just have to marry someone of the opposite sex!" (I have a lot to say regarding queer marriage, and think we should be focusing our efforts on socioeconomic justice for ALL queers, REGARDLESS of whether they enter into this state-sponsored institution and not ONLY if they do. Nevertheless, the comparison is apt.) This ignores one's rights to compete as THEMSELVES, and requires those who have developed their natural talents to modify them them through unnatural means (e.g., hormones). Does that seriously make any sense?

Tricia Madison then shared a personal story, discussing how she eventually learned of her intersex a few years ago, and how knowledge of her intersex has affected her relationship to herself and those around her.

A lot of individuals attending the Bluestockings event commented that our different presentation topics and styles were really complementary, and that made for a good event. Well, thanks, everyone! I wish we could say that we planned it out deliberately that way from the start, but our approach to collaboration was more fluid than that. It turns out not to have been a bad thing. ;)

I'd like to end this post with a question asked by one Bluestockings event participant, who asked something to the effect of, "Now that I know about intersex, how can I be an intersex ally in my daily life?" Hida answered that the best way to contribute to intersex activist causes is to TALK ABOUT IT. Get in conversations. Raise awareness. It's a corny phrase, but "information is power" is still kickin' around for a reason. (Or maybe only I still say that, and it's not really kickin' around so much after all. Meh.) Individuals can only speak out against intersex abuse if they know what intersex is, and that this abuse is ongoing. Point them in the direction of books, websites, and blogs (!) on intesex, or to future intersex events. If there's not any of those things in your area, you can start one up yourself. Emi Koyama authored a wonderful handbook for intersex allies (read: you're supporting intersex individuals and activist issues, but just aren't intersex yourself) on how to do precisely this - check it out!

I was happy to gain permission from both Tricia and Hida to post some pictures from the event!

The photo above features Tricia (left), me (center), and Hida (right) inside Bluestockings after the event. I am still so stoked to have met them! Tricia and I were also uniquely excited, in that this was the first time either of us have met another openly intersex person! Unbelievable, right? One of my favorite memories of Tricia staying with me was a subway ride we took together, when she poked my arm seemingly out of the blue. When I looked at her quizically, she responded, "I just wanted to make sure you were real. Another intersex person!" So great.

This photo features Hida (left) and me (right) wandering around in Times Square, following the book launch of photographer and mixed-media artist Rebecca Swan's gender-bender-y work, Assume Nothing. (It was fantastic!) I love how stereotypical New York it is! I don't love that I neglected to bring my coat, and it was coooooooold out. (Womp, womp.)

Anyone that attended either of these events that wants to add more pictures to this post, send 'em my way, and I'll post them!

Intersex Awareness Events in NYC THIS WEEK!

2010-10-24T15:34:00.001-07:00

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. em. gee.

This summer has been absolutley amazing, and amazingly crazy. Despite it being well into October, I am STILL having some difficulty adjusting to my "normal" day-to-day life after working outside the US for a few months. Part of this is, no doubt, because of some new, exciting activist ventures I'm taking on, but that is something about which I am absolutely not complaining. ;D

Intersex Awareness Day, as I had posted in the previous post, is officially Oct 26, but intersex awareness events often take place on other days in October. In this spirit, we've got 2 events in NYC to help raise awareness about intersex:

Intersex Film and Q&A - NYU's Kimmel Center Rm 804 - Oct 26, Tues, 7pm
In conjunction with the NYU Office of LGBT Student Services's Reel Queer Film Series, a showing of the film One in 2,000 will be followed by discussion and Q&A with intersex activists Hida Vilora, Tricia Madison, and myself about both the film and intersex in general with audience participants.

Intersex Awareness Presentation and Q&A - Bluestockings Activist Center - Oct 27, Wed, 7pm
Hida Viloria, Tricia Madison, and myself are back again! This time, we will each give short presentations on issues related to intersex, including what intersex is, its perception in Western culture, human rights abuses committed against intersex individuals and why they need to stop, and recent events surrounding intersex in the media. Discussion and Q&A with audience participants will follow the presentations.

Much love and thanks to all of the folks at the NYU Office of the LGBT Student Services and Bluestockings that helped work so hard to make event this happen. Your time and efforts are seriously appreciated. <3

If you are able to support these events, we would love to have you. If you can't make them, no worries - I want to help coordinate more events like these in the future.

In this vein, it seems to me in my totally informal, un-scientific observations, that there is less activist work focused on intersex on the US's east coast and middle than the west coast. This is a problem. I think it's really important that work is not being done in not just a few centralized places, but in a lot of different areas. This means that if there's something you want in your community that you're not seeing, DIY - do it yourself! A few people can get together and accomplish quite a lot to create spaces and events that reflect what they want and currently aren't getting from their communities. While this event will hopefully open some minds and raise some voices protesting the medicalization and abuse of intersex individuals, I know that this event alone is not going to be the panacea that changes everything. Lots of awareness-raising work must be done in many, many places over time. Only if we put our selves and skills into this really important work will we have a real chance to generate lasting change.

So, organize your own event. Create your own semi-profane blog, zine, book, magazine, chapbook - whatever! - with accurate information and/or your lived experiences. (Okay, fine. FFA:IAA is totally profane, not semi-profane. We're cuss-positive here!) Hand out pamphlets with intersex basics. Protest stigmatizing conferences. Do presentations and Q&As at schools, universities, medical schools, and other institutions to educate and generate discussion about intersex. Demand long-term outcome studies on intersex individuals' physical and psychological health be done to assess whether the medical institution's "care" is meeting its goals, and whether such care is necessary at all. There's so much that can be done. Our collective efforts will hopefully change how intersex is perceived in our society. And if this grassroots change in each of our own communities can be translated into greater societal change, then sufficient pressure may be generated to prevent future intersex individuals from the same trauma, shame, stigma, and pain that intersex individuals being born today are still facing. And I can't believe that this isn't worth fighting for. <3

Intersex Goes On The Road (Or, Why I Can't Answer My E-mail)

2010-07-26T02:04:00.001-07:00

Hi, everyone! I'm currently not in my home country, the USA. I've had regular access to Teh Internets throughout July, but I will have on intermittent Internet access through August. I probably won't be able to post (much?), depending on the situtation, but know that I'll have lots to say when I return in September.

Some updates about which you'll receive more information in September:

1) I am helping to organize an event for Intersex Awareness Day in New York City, on October 26th. Stay tuned for more information! If you're interested in learning more or getting involved, just e-mail me at full.frontal.activism@gmail.com.
2) I am currently working on several book projects relating to intersex. One is finished (YAY!), one is alllllllmost finished, and the last is a community activist project that's just starting up. If you are an intersex individual intersed in sharing your thoughts on chosen topics, we'd love for you to contribute! Please e-mail me at the above address for more information.

Thanks for all your support reading so far! <3

Intersex "Treatment" Trauma and Sexual Abuse Trauma: Not So Different

2010-07-18T01:16:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about medical procedures and "treatments" intersex individuals are often forced to undergo without consent, and how they can easily be viewed as abusive. Specifically, many procedures are akin to sexual abuse.

In my own experiences, some doctor would feel compelled to check the length of my vaginal canal every time I vistited (every half-year for many years starting when I was maybe 10, and then every year until I was 14 or so). This meant that they would take a freezing-cold metal dilator, coat it with (medical?) lube or something that burned like hell (it was probably alcohol-based), and insert it into my vagina and held for several seconds until I, of course, started to whimper, shout, tell him to stop, burst into tears, or all of the above. I did not know that I had the ability to deny consent to these vaginal-length-checks using the dilators. They were presented as a standard procedure, like listening to one's hearbeat, or opening one's mouth and saying, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" really awkwardly. I had no idea that these procedures did not benefit or track my health...they just tracked how likely a candidate I might be for one of several kinds of particular genital mutilation surgeries collectively called vaginoplasties, which would also not benefit or improve my health. It would only give me a reconstructed vagina, which may or may not have serious, deleterious health consequences, as I briefly detailed in a former post.

I was (and still am) outraged that these trauma happened to me and I wasn't told I had a choice as to whether I want it to happen or not. And I am still dealing with the aftermath. Sometimes, I have vivid daymares consisting of flashbacks of some of these dilation procedures, and the other stigmatizing parts of the appointments that followed before and after. It felt so dehumanizing to me, even as a young child, to have to change into the scratchy-ass nightgown, lay on the cold metal table, and these things done to me I so, so didn't want done. (Often, multiple times if they couldn't get a measurement the first time, after which I was berated for moving around and whining too much. Doc, you would do it, too, if you knew what that felt like.) But, as intersex individuals, we're taught not to talk about our intersex or any issues surrounding intersex with others, oftentimes preventing effective dialogue even among our closest family members and ourselves. So I didn't discuss it out loud, but I felt that these procedures were abusive. I felt really guilty about feeling this way, because I was clearly taking up space I didn't need to. I wasn't "really" abused...abuse was for individuals that were touched, prodded, and traumatized under entirely different circumstances, right? If there was an old white dude in a medical coat present, it wasn't really abuse, was it?

Emi Koyama, intersex activist and founder of Pacific Northwest's Intersex Initiative, created a booklet entitled, Introduction to Intersex: A Guide for Allies (2nd Edition). On page 2 of the booklet (or page 5 in the Adobe PDF), she explains the following:

"One of the biggest problems with this "treatment" is that it sets in motion a lifelong pattern of secrecy, isolation, shame, and confusion. Adult intersex people's stories often resemble that of those who survived childhood sexual abuse: trust violation, lack of honest communication, punishment for asking questions or telling the truth, etc. In some cases, intersex people's experiences are exactly like those of childhood sexual abuse survivors: when they surgically "create" a vagina on a child, the parent - usually the mother - is required to "dilate" the vagina with hard instruments every day for months in order to ensure that the vagina won't close off again."

I would expand on this to include forced dilation at any interval during "treatment," and not restricted to those post-mutilation surgery. This is definitely how I feel about my experiences.

Koyama continues:

"Even so, many intersex adults report that it was not necessarily the surgery that was most devastating for their self-esteem: for many, it is the repeated exposure to what we call "medical display," or the rampant where a child is stripped down to nude and placed on the bed while doctors, nurses, medical students, and others come in and out of the room, touching and prodding and laughing to each other. Children who experience this get the distinct sense that there is something terribly wrong with who they are and are deeply traumatized. "

I have not experienced this, but can easily see how being publicly ridiculed would be traumatizing, and how one's emotions while/after being touched and prodded against one's will may be akin to those of childhood sexual abuse survivors.

This post is a major bummer, but I'm not sorry, because I believe that negative feelings, when properly channeled, can be used as vehicles to initiate oositive change. If you're outraged, there are lots of conversations to be had with those that don't know about intersex issues, e-mails and letters to write, lots of protests to organize, lots of petitions to create and sign, lots of books, zines, art, and music to make and support that raise awareness and try to change these medical abuses. I always must remind myself that it is okay and healthy to allow oneself to experience negative feelings, but if it just stops there after my own negative feelings have passed, will they be gone for good if the social systems and problems informing them still exist? If my own feelings are resolved for the moment, is that justification to stop fighting for others still experiencing pain and trauma? I don't think so.

Koyama states "...it is estimated that five children per day continue to undergo the medically unnecessary and irreversible surgeries in the United States." These five (plus?) children a day are worth fighting for. We just have to go out and actually do it.

Patients' Rights Violated?

2010-07-17T17:22:00.001-07:00

Advocates for Informed Choice (AIC)is an awesome organization that "...is the first organization in the U.S. to undertake a coordinated strategy of legal advocacy for the rights of children with intersex conditions." They seem to be doing lots of fantastic work. Go, AIC!

While perusing their site, I found some highly disturbing news in their "recent tweets" section.

This news is contained in a letter AIC wrote to the Director of the Office for Human Research Protections. AIC states that NYC physician Dix P. Poppas, Doctor of Urology at New York Presbyterian Hospital and Weill Cornell Medical Center of Cornell University, may be performing "follow-up tests" to intersex individuals receiving a type of genital mutilation surgery called nerve sparing ventral clitoroplasty. This type of surgery, then, would remove those apparently horrible, freakish enlarged clitorises, but preserve nerve functionality, allowing individuals to receive some genital sexual pleasure. (Or, you could just not do the surgery and allow these individuals to have genital sexual pleasure anyway! Just sayin'.) The problem with these follow-up tests is two-fold: 1) these tests may or may not have been approved by the Institutional Review Board, or IRB - the organization concerned with approving any research involving human subjects, with ethics in mind, 2) whether or not the tests received IRB approval, they are of questionable ethics at best.

Here's an excerpt from the document, as follows. Please note that this excerpt may be triggering to some individuals.

"In a published paper, Dr. Poppas reports employing an unorthodox technique of applying medical vibratory devices to the genitals of girls and young women ages 5 to 24 years old to collect data on post-operative clitoral sensitivity.1 Poppas’ 2007 paper in the Journal of Urology details the procedure of stimulating the girls’ clitorises with “medical vibratory devices” while the girls are conscious. More specifically, the girls are subjected to annual visits in which Poppas touches their surgically modified clitorises with a cotton-tip applicator and/or with a “vibratory device,” and asks them to rate the sensation they feel on a scale of 1 to 5. Using the vibrator, he touches on their inner thighs, labia minora, and the introitus of their vaginas. My colleagues and I are unaware of any other clinician using this technique. Further, Poppas also reports performing “capillary perfusion testing,” a technique in which the physician presses a finger nail on the girl’s clitoris to observe blood flow as a sign of healthy tissue. Dr. Ken Zucker, Psychologist-in-Chief and Head of the Gender Identity Service in the Child, Youth, and Family Program at Tornonto’s Centre for Addiction and Mental Health and Professor with the Departments of Psychiatry and Psychology at the University of Toronto, has publicly responded to this report by stating, “Applying a vibrator to a six-year-old girl’s surgically feminized clitoris is developmentally inappropriate.”2 Given the well-documented psychological harm that can come to girls with DSD as a result of excessive visual genital exams,3 it seems likely that Poppas’s far more invasive tests pose substantial risk of psychological harm to young girls."

(Emphasis mine)

I don't care if the vibrator is a medical vibrator or not. This kind of "treatment" cannot be consented to by individuals as young as 6 years old. If Poppas really wanted this kind of information, a survey would be more appropriate once individuals were sexually active. And if surveys were used, one would obviously not administer one to a 6-year-old, since the 6-year-old would be highly highly highly unlikely to be engaging in consensual sexual relationships. If one would not administer a survey to a 6-year-old, then, why would it be appropriate to perform vibrator tests on these children? For individuals of all ages "tested," though, it is not difficult to imagine how this procedure could definitely be traumatizing.

To repeat, however, one's sexual function wouldn't be risked IF THE GENITAL MUTLATION SURGERY WASN'T PERFORMED AT ALL.

My whole being aches thinking of the questions, memories, and feelings some of these individuals - and some of them quite young, too - may have later after undergoing what could very easily be viewed as unethical medical practice. Even if Poppas is performing these practices with good intentions by his own perspective ("I want to see if my technique is working!") it is difficult to justify that these follow-up procedures are in the PATIENTS' best interest. Are these types of procedures worth risking possible emotional and psychological trauma for these individuals?

I feel so sick after reading this.

Intersex Is Entertaining!: Juno

2010-07-16T06:55:00.001-07:00

"Intersex Is Entertaining!" is going to a semi-regular segment where I can post about mentionings in the entertainment industry that serves to further stigmatize, fetishize, freak-ify, etc. intersex folks. If I find any *positive* depictions of intersex individuals in the entertainment industry, then I'll have to think up a name for a new segment, since this cheeky one wouldn't do.

I was violently ill yesterday (wah, wah, waaaaaah.) In between bouts of my vomit-a-thon (TMI?), I watched Juno since it was on my friend's computer and it was there. Sometimes painfully twee dialogue aside, I remembered really enjoying the film, so I was pretty excited to watch it. I got what I came for, and ended up enjoying the majority of it. (Even if the dialogue was even MORE twee than I remembered - !)

I caught something this time around that I didn't the first time I watched it. Check out this bit, when Juno is talking to potential-adoptive-parent-of-her-child, Mark:

Mark: "Wow, can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?"
Juno: "Um, I can't, the doctor can. But, I kind of want it to be a surprise."
Mark: "Well, it can only go one of two ways."
Juno: "That's what you think. I mean, I drink tons of booze, so you might end up with one of those scary neuter babies that's born without junk."
Mark: "Junk, huh?"
Juno: "Yeah, you know, its parts."
Mark: "I know what junk is."
Juno: "Yeah, right."
Mark: "We definitely want it to have some junk. Please."

My mouth dropped open slightly and I played the scene again to make sure I'd heard correctly, because there were a bunch of fucked up things in there.

Now, I admittedly don't know a lot about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) (i.e., "I mean, I drink tons of booze..."), so I did some Google research to learn a bit more. Do infants born with FAS completely lack genitals (i.e., "...babies [that are] born without junk...")in some cases? Not that I have found so far. Some individuals born with FAS may have "incomplete development of genitalia" or so-called "gential defects," but what does this really mean? I couldn't find any more specific information that this doing a preliminary search, but there's no explicit mention of individuals being born without genitalia.

What I immediately thought of when I replayed the scene and listened in was MRKH. MRKH stands for the names of the medical doctors (Mayer, Rokitansky, Kuster, and Hauser) who described "...the congenital absence of the vagina, fallopian [sic] tubes, cervix, and uterus." If you'd like more information on MRKH, visit MRKH Organization, Inc., and check out common physical traits (I refuse to say "symptoms") associated with it. MRKH doesn't completely fit Juno's no-junk standard, since individuals with MRKH do possess external genitalia that exhibit typical form.

My next thought was Aphallia, where individuals are born without penises and urethral openings, although they possess scrota and other sex organs indicative of "typical male anatomy." (I don't like that ISNA uses "patient," and not "individual" in their definition, though.)

Whether Juno is actually referring to individuals' "genital defects" from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, individuals with MRKH, or individulas with Aphallia, calling individuals neuter children is incredibly offensive. Diablo Cody, the screenwriter for Juno really needs to re-examine whether one's genital form means that they don't have any sex at all, and whether it's okay for individuals to both joke about those freaks with the fucked-up genitals and assume that they have the right to choose how these individuals identify. And, once again, this comment essentializes individuals' sex to their genital form, even though we know that biological sex is much more complex than that.

Moreover, no - sex doesn't "...go only one of two ways." That simply isn't true, and not accepting this fact legitimizes the marginalization of intersex individuals. Nice.

If you want to contact Diablo Cody on her problematic views, you can try contacting her representative (agent?) at WhoRepresents?.com. Unfortuantely, you have to pay a fee for it, which is why I'm not just posting the contact info here for you, since I don't have it, and it's not available by doing simple web searches. (I tried, Dear Readers. I really did.) Too bad we can't use our hamburger phones to contact Cody directly, huh?

"Heeeeeeey, Cody. I'll give you ten tons of Sunny D if you don't misrepresent individuals with atypical genital morphology as yucky monsters in your future screenplays, okay?"

Just sayin'.

Intersex Bingo

2010-07-11T14:10:00.000-07:00

I think this bingo card says it all. Print it out and have some subversive fun! (To mix it up, just cut up some cards and paste each block in a different place so that all your bingo cards are different.) Great for both daily interactions, doctor's appointments, and conferences!

I may make more of these in the future. I'd also love to hear your words & phrases if you make some of your own! :)

Caster Semenya Receives (Some) Justice!

2010-07-11T02:25:00.000-07:00

Caster Semenya has been approved to compete in South Africa!

All in all, though, this bandage doesn't justify that this shitty situation occurred. In the article linked to above (reblogged courtesy of OII's Intersex News), it states that Semenya received "an undisclosed 'financial settlement' for her ordeal." It's really problematic to take the stance of, "OH HEY! We're going to publicly announce information to the world that's none of their business and create and media frenzy and force you to submit to tests without consent unless you want your medal ripped away from you. BUT! We'll give you money at the end, and that'll make it alllllllll better. Human rights violations can be solved with the almighty green!" That's absolutely shameful.

One good thing is that the medical records are not going to be released. The discourse surrounding this, though, is similarly problematic. Check out this excerpt, from the article linked to above:

But nothing was stated flatly about Semenya — rumoured to be a hermaphrodite, meaning she has both male and female sexual organs (though the second set of genitalia could be internal) — being a female, full stop. Medical details will not be released.

“Why should they be out there?” Semenya’s lawyer, Greg Nott, told South African television last night. “Would you like your sex records to be made public?”

Ohhhhhhhhh. Right. It's okay if we shout to the world, "THIS PERSON MIGHT BE A FREAK!" and that's acceptable, but releasing her medical details would be going too far. It's not like they're BOTH unacceptable or anything. Ah, sweet justification!

In general, this article, written by DiManno for Toronto's The Star, has problems with it, too. DiManno apparently can't write about Semenya's stigmatizing and likely traumatizing experience without sticking a line in there about "...what's may or may not be between her legs." Way to be reductionist. Intersex is only about external genitalia! We're really just walking genitals (that look fucked-up and weird and THAT'S BAD)! Ugh. And, "What she has clearly felt, all these long months, is embarrassment, as the most intimate details of her being were debated around..." etc. DiManno isn't actually in a position to state what Semenya has "clearly" felt, since this isn't a direct quote from Semenya herself. How can DiManno know what Semenya has actually experienced? She has not lived her experiences, and she therefore can't clearly know anything about this. All individuals - whether intersex or not - cannot know what Semenya has experienced. Only Semenya can, and to state otherwise with such confidence discredit's Semenya's experience and does not allow her the agency to tell us how it REALLY is for her.

Other news states that due to all of the testing and detainment, Semenya's performance might be affected since she hasn't had proper time to train. Worse, then conjecture that hormone treatments could also affect her performance. (Which in reality, Semenya may or may not have needed. This isn't something that can be assumed with confidence, either.)

Finally, I want to note that there was a plethora of articles and videos stimgatizing Semenya. Conversely, when Semenya was approved to compete in South Africa, it was comparatively reported in a whisper in relation the sonic boom of sources musing, "OMG IS SHE REALLY A DUDE OR A LADY OR WHAT?" before. Why has the media not latched onto this better news in the way that they were so quick to disseminate the violating news?

Thoughts?

OII, You Read My Mind!

2010-07-09T12:54:00.000-07:00

Remember how I recently posted why the term DSD is really problematic? Well, the Organisation Internationale des Intersexués has a fantastic page addressing well-deserved grieveances with the term DSD. Additionally, they have a more extensive page discussing the roots of this problematic issue with Alice Dreger and the Accord Alliance. These sources should be required reading!

And if I may, my feelings in graphic form, from OII's second source:

Rock on, OII!

Will Patient Disclosure Fuck Me Over?

2010-07-06T13:55:00.000-07:00

Ever since I discussed the Hypospadias conference, I’ve been thinking a lot about doctors in general. One thing I’ve realized is that I have a peculiar relationship to all doctors –not just the ones “treating” me for my intersex. I just want to throw these ideas out there to see if other intersex individuals feel similarly, because to my memory, I’ve never heard it discussed before.

I remember once in 11th grade, toward the end of the school day, I began experiencing really severe abdominal pains. I thought, “No, no, I’ll be fine. I just have to tough it out,” but I was worried. I knew it couldn’t be menstrual cramps, since I biologically can’t do it due to my specific intersex condition, complete androgen insensitivity syndrome, or CAIS. (I don’t a uterus, ovaries, Fallopian tubes – the works. It just never developed. See one of my earlier posts if you’re curious how this works.) I also knew I still had my appendix, and I had been worrying whether I would have to get operated on, since I saw several classmates make the trip to the hospital in the last few years. When the pain persisted for over a half-hour, I thought, “Ah, shit,” and called my mom to come pick me up. She arrived frighteningly promptly and broke the speed limit pretty much the entire way to the hospital. My troubles didn’t really begin, though, until I was already inside, in my gown, on the examining table, with a doctor present.

He did the normal poking and prodding and asking me if this hurts or that, and asking if I was pregnant (Doc: “Are you absolutely positive you couldn’t be pregnant?” Me: “Yes. Yes, doctor, I am.”). Then he said, “You know, you might have a problem with your ovaries. I think, to be conservative, we should do a pelvic exam.” I think my face probably turned white because I suddenly felt weak and slumped down a little onto the table. “Uhh…are you sure that’s necessary? Aren’t there other things it could be?” “Yes, it’s possible, but see, your appendix isn’t the problem. If it isn’t appendicitis, the most usual thing we see in young ladies (Me: *chortle*gag*chortle*) your age is something in the reproductive system.” I paused for a moment. I couldn’t think of any easy way out of this. It made sense, if what he said was accurate. “Um, uh, oh yeah. I guess.” The doctor smiled. “Well, okay then, just change into this dressing gown,” – he reproduced some itchy thing with no ass covering – “and then we can get started.” Get started…ugh. I needed to get OUT of there. Instead of changing, I called my mother in the room and frantically relayed to her what was going to happen. “Oh, no,” she said, eyebrows furrowed, “he is NOT going to do that. He can try other procedures, but we both know that’s clearly not the problem. He can do something else.” And then my mother talked to the doctor, and he reluctantly let me just sit on the examining table until I exhibited any other changes that might help him make a diagnosis. (There weren’t any – except one serious fart-attack. Yep, I had too much gas in my intestines, and it was making me feel like I was going to die. Also, yes, I AM extremely classy – thank you for noticing!)

All right, so what does all this have to do with intersex? He couldn’t examine my internal pelvic organs because I didn’t have them. So what?

My point is that I am terrified of new doctors learning about my intersex, because I’m afraid that if they find out, something bad will happen.

Part of this is how intersex individuals are conditioned to think and behave by the medical community themselves. I was always told that my intersex was private, secret, something I might be made fun of for. That people wouldn’t understand, and that it wasn’t something I should share with others. (What the majority of intersex individuals hear? Something like, “Your condition is shameful, so you should be ashamed of your condition and you should be ashamed of yourself. You are shameful. Keep your mouth shut and spare everyone messy details of the freak show you are.”) We become so used to the idea that our intersex must be concealed at all costs that we withhold this information from other medical professionals. Almost every time I have had an appointment, I have always lied and said my last period “around the first of the month,” and that I menstruate regularly. When medics ask if I have been taking any medicines regularly, I have always shook my head and said “Nope!” as brightly as I could, hoping they wouldn’t see through my lie. If asked if there are any medical conditions or extenuating circumstances they should be aware of, I never answered affirmatively. I am always afraid that if I disclose my intersex status, the doctors will demand a battery of tests be performed, or that they’ll decide to alter my genitalia after all, or that they’ll force me to see a gazillion specialists who will forever poke and prod me and erode my dignity away. In these situations, my mind conjures worst-case scenarios. I wonder, what if I don’t tell them I’m taking [pill]? What if they give me something that reacts badly with it and I die? I could’ve saved my life by speaking up. Or, alternatively, if I speak up, will a Bad Thing happen? I wonder, what if I don’t tell them I don’t have internal sex organs before surgery for something totally unrelated to my intersex? Would they simply question me about it when I came to, or would I wake up with an artificially elongated vaginal canal without my consent?

These scenarios are really extreme, and would likely never happen. I’m informed enough now to know that I have rights as a patient, and I’ve developed a pretty brazen personality that wouldn’t stand for such bullshit now anyway. But I’m still afraid, and I’m not convinced that variations on these scenarios – even if not as extreme – have not happened to other intersex individuals. Part of my fear, then, is also due to my mistreatment by the medical community. It’s been proven to me countless times before that not all the medics I’ve encountered are concerned with either my best interests or my consent. I’m reluctant to give medics any reason to suspect that I’ve got something they might think needs “fixing.” Alternatively, I’m afraid that if I don’t come clean, I might be leaving out information that will maybe negatively affect my health. In the vast majority of situations I don't think this would ever be the case, but it's still something I think about. On top of it all, I'm also just sad that some professionals we're supposed to be able to trust with our lives are undeserving of our trust, and so it's necessary to be vigilant to advocate for ourselves.

Do any of you feel similarly?

Happy 1st Birthday, Full Frontal Activism!

2010-07-05T09:38:00.001-07:00

It's been a whole year already. Can you believe it?

There is so, so, so much that I want to talk about, so there's no danger of this blog ending anytime soon. ;)

To celebrate, share with me a slice of rainbow cake! (Well, a virtual one, anyway...sorry.) For those intersex individuals that ally themselves with the queer community, then yay for rainbows! And for those that don't, enjoy the pretty colors anyway!

Thanks for reading, all of you! Here's to another great year to come! :)

Freedom for All?

2010-07-04T16:15:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone! In the US, it's Independence Day. I just think it's important to remember, though, that not all individuals in the US (and everywhere else) are free to live with their own agency, and are stripped of their basic human rights. This applies to intersex indviduals, those with more fluid sex and gender identities, but importantly, all minority individuals being oppressed for a wide variety of reasons.

Just wanted to throw that out there. Here's hoping that activist efforts to change our system protect the rights of ALL living beings, and not only those in power and those like them.

John Lennon Wall, Prague
Courtesy of Democrary Cell Project

Isn't that what real freedom is all about?

<3

An Intersex Individual By Any Other Name Would Smell Like A Human.

2010-07-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

Or something. Right? I'm pretty sure Billy Shakes said something darn close to that. (Controversy surrounding who wrote what Shakespeare works aside, of course, since that's something that's miiiiiiiiiighty lateral to what I want to REALLY talk about!)

I've noticed that the Accord Alliance - started up by the former founder of the now-defunct Intersex Society of North America, Cheryl Chase - advocates the use of the term "disorders of sexual devleopment" (or "DSD") in place of the term "intersex." The earliest use of this term is in the Journal of Pediatric Urology by Hughes et al., 2006, in an article entitled "Consensus statement on management of intersex disorders." I don't have access to the entire article, but I can get you the abstract. Basically, the authors of this article feel that "disorders of sexual development" is a better phrase than "intersex" because it "...integrate[s] progress in molecular genetic aspects of sex development..." Okay, okay. I get it. Because we know that various genetic, anatomical, and physiological sutes possessed by intersex individuals are caused by molecular processes intiated in fetal development, using DSD might be a better choice. And it's important for all professionals to switch to DSD because standardizing language is essential to communicate effectively, and blah blah blah. Let's dissect this argument a little bit, shall we?

"Intersex" is definitely a term with many problems. "Inter" and "sex," when paired together, create an image in my mind of taking a female form, and taking a male form, and then violently mashing them together, until you end up with an individual that's BOTH! They're INTER - SEX! Get it? This is obviously not how it works, so discussions regarding the creation of a new term to replace "intersex" are great and really important.

I don't think "disorders of sexual development" is it, though, for two reasons. My first objection is rooted in identity. DSD focuses on the science-y things, yes, but it is problematic for those that identify their sex as intersex. If I were to say to someone, "I'm intersex," yes, I wouldn't necessarily expect them to have heard this term and what it means and maybe confuse it with a lot of other words regarding sex and gender identity, performance, presentation, etc. If DSD is universally accepted and replaces "intersex" entirely, then what would I say to someone? I think it would go something like this:

Me: "I have a disorder of sexual development, or a DSD. [lengthy explanation]"
Individual A: "Oh, well, what do you call yourself?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Individual A: "Well, you used to identify as 'intersex,' and not as biologically male or female. If you accept the use of DSD, how would you identify?'
Me: "Oh, um...I'm...disordered?"

This is not how I choose to identify. There is a big difference between recongnizing that my development was atypical, and that it was "disordered." One can wave their hands and quickly reassure me in soothing tones that disordered is just in terms of the science, and that of coure I MYSELF would NEVER be considered disorded (to which I'd ask in less soothing tones "So, why was it that those doctors forced all of those vaginal dilations on me again?"). But "disordered" absolutely has a negative connotation in the majority dialects of Western speech. (I'll allow that this might not be the case across the board.) If there's anything we don't need, it's more stigmatization of intersex people. Haven't we had enough of being subtly or blatantly regarded as grotesque, malformed, monstrous spectacles?

Many intersex individuals do choose to identify as biological males, or biological females. That's perfectly fine, and I think it's great if that is how they identify! However, I think this new terminology is problematic for those of us that don't identify as biologcial males or females.

My second contention is that this terminology does not - and cannot - reflect all of the varied ways an individual may choose to identify. This term was embraced by and, in part, created with the help of the Accord Alliance, which included intersex founder Cheryl Chase (who identifies as biologically female, and not "disordered"), yes. But can Chase and other intersex individuals consulted speak for each INDIVIDUAL that has a "DSD"? Should we allow for a term that is not inclusive, and forces some individuals to identify in a way that is not authentic to them?

Should we condone the DSD, formerly known as intersex?

What do you think?

Human Rights Violations: Best Paired With Fancy Chocolates?

2010-07-04T07:50:00.001-07:00

Well, it looks like plans are already in the works for the IV World Congress on Hypospadias and Disorders of Sexual Development in Norwich, Britain. Oh, joy of joys!

Just to refresh your memory, the III World Congress on Hypospadias (which I previously posted about it here) featured several days of doctors discussing how best to "treat" intersex individuals (who clearly must be fixed), the newest methods to most efficiently perform genital mutilation surgeries (ahh, technology!), and mutilation tutorials, where SEVERAL INFANTS WERE ACTUALLY MULTILATED AT THE CONFERENCE FOR OTHERS TO WATCH. Condoning these discriminatory views and barbaric practices is completely unacceptable, and it saddens me that the conference will take place another time.

If you click on the first link and check out the website, it looks more like an invite to vacation in Norwhich than to attend a conference. Yes, the left-hand side of the main page mentions discussions, presentations, and pros-cons debates, and how important this conference is since it addresses "such a challenging subject." (I don't really see how intersex individuals pose such a challenge. It really isn't that difficult to us as just people, and let us live our lives without either potentially altering and/or lopping off our body parts, or potentially providing misinformation to us and our loved ones about how to "manage" us. It can really only be difficult when your view is, "OMGWTFBBQ! WHAT DO WE DO WITH THESE *cough*freaks*cough*, UH, PEOPLE! WE CAN'T DECIDE WHETHER THEY'RE "REALLY" MALE OR FEMALE USING ARBITRARY GUIDLEINES, BECAUSE THEY OBVIOUSLY SHOULDN'T BE GIVEN THE AGENCY TO HAVE A RIGHT TO THEIR BODIES AND CHOOSE HOW THEY IDENTIFY!") But look to the right, and you'll see an entire section on fancy, touristy things to do in Norwich. It lists a Chocolaterie, places to shop for gifts ("Susie, look what Uncle Johnny bought you when he went to slice people up in London for their own good!"), Norman castles, and pubs. But, what do the "picturesque landscape of marshes and fen" have to do with the medical institutionaliztion of engaging in human rights violations? Does anyone else find it a bit upsetting that hundreds of individuals lives will be ruined after this new conference's proceedings, while the physicians are encouraged to "...extend your stay and invite your friends and family to join you. Do take this opportunity to visit this lovely area." Does this conference really have intersex individuals' welfare at the forefront, or the physicians' digital cameras, some which will undoubtedly be filled with pictures of their smiling children eating pie and mash...children who could have easily been operated on by these same physicians, had they been born to other individuals, and possessed a different anatomical, genetic, and/or physiological suite?

The conference is also telling in the "Who Should Attend" section. Those cleared for attendance include doctors of various specialties, social workers, genetic counselors, and mental health professionals. Glaringly absent from this list are INTERSEX INDIVIDUALS. Is it not logical that if one is interested in making decisions regarding intersex people, that INTERSEX PEOPLE should be involved in the decisions that will affect them? More logical yet, shouldn't each INTERSEX INDIVIDUAL be allowed to make decisions about their bodies and their identity FOR THEMSELVES, without these things being dictated by doctors who very likely are not intersex themselves, and cannot relate to the wide variety of life experiences intersex people have had? WHY SHOULD INTERSEX PEOPLE "NOT ATTEND" THE CONFERENCE?

This conference does not yet list whether or not live genital mutilation surgeries will be performed at the conference like last year, or whether The Accord Allicance - supposedly an organization advocating for the health of intersex individuals - will sponsor them, in part. Let's hope that these things don't happen.

Regardless, if you are outraged that medical and psychological health professionals feel entitled to make decisions about things only each individual should be able to make for themselves, then feel free to http://www.ishidcongress2011.org/contact.asp#ishidand give some suggestions on how to improve their conference. (Like, you know, not having it.)

Full Frontal Activism Blog Readers: Build A Little Community Here!

2010-04-12T18:40:00.001-07:00

...Um, ALL of you! O.o

This blog is relatively new, so I'm staggered to see the growing list of individuals that are following this blog, or are perhaps reading but don't officially "follow." (I get it; I read lots of blogs semi-regularly, and don't officially "follow" any.)

Aside from the fact that I'm curious to learn a little more about you (other than the fact that you're likely interested in intersex and/or queer issues), I thought it might be nice for you readers to have a space to introduce yourselves and get to learn a bit about each other. I know I oftentimes read really intelligent comments written by other readers on blogs I like, and wonder, "What's their background? How did they find this blog? I wonder what other cool stuff they have to share?" Well, now you can share and learn, ask and tell! :)

I'll go first, to get you started. Hi, my name is Claudia. ("HI, CLAUDIA!") Besides the stuff you already know about me, I am a scientist, love to bake sweets, am constantly freezing, love dressing in bright colors, am vegan, and aspire to be the parent of an adorable skunk.

YOUR TURN!

Nice to "meet" you all!

Am I Still Made of Velveteen?

2010-03-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: In this piece, I discuss "passing" a lot in terms of a chapter in The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You, by S. Bear Bergman, entitled "The Velveteen Tranny." Well, I should've kept reading before posting in a flurry of super-inspiration. If you read further in Bergman's book, he makes a really excellent distinction between using the word "passing" and "being read by." In passing (usually framed in terms of passing as male or female), the onus is on the sex-and-or-gender-"variant" individual to conform properly, and smacks of the age-old stereotype of transgendered = deceptive, since they are "really" just disguising themselves or play-acting to "pass," and therefore penetrate a world to which they really don't belong. They're getting away with something. In being read by others, and not passing as male or female in front of them, however, there is no connotation of deceptivness. The onus is now not on an individual to be sneaky and wily enough to be deceive viewers into thinking they're men or women (or something else). This is simply framed as the gender "impression" made on a looker-on. Any spontaneous gender assignment is made BY ANOTHER PERSON, and not the result of a person to assimilate in a (devious) way that is culturally expected of them.

This distinction isn't a small one, and something worth considering. In the future, I'm not going to frame the above scenarios in terms of "passing." However, I'm going to leave the text below in their unaltered state, simply because I think that people are used to the concept of "passing." It might, then, be easier to read this post as is, without the extra mental burden of, "What this 'being read' stuff? Oh, yeah!" I don't want to write to confuse, after all. After reading, if you'd like to go back to a few sentences and substitie "read" for "pass," then go for it! In future posts, you'll get enough of "read," anyway.

Thanks for reading this technical note! Enjoy! :)

~ Claud

Or am I a REAL intersex-genderqueer-pansexual yet?

I have kindly been loaned the book The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You, by S. Bear Bergman. (Thanks C and E!) This book is fantastic for tons of reasons, but one essay that has already emblazoned itself into my mind is one entitiled, "The Velveteen Tranny."

"Ha, ha. I thought. Quippy title. Wonder what this'll be about?"

Well, I'm not entirely certain I actually read the entire story of The Velveteen Rabbit, so his fantastic insights were a bit lost on me at first. For those of you, who might not've been exposed to this book (or perhaps, like me, just never got around to reading it), here's the synopsis, via Wikipedia. The basic gist, though, is that this stuffed rabbit toy, made of velveteen (hence the moniker) isn't a real rabbit. The only way the toy can become a real rabbit is if his owner loves him. Well, the child gets scarlet fever and pretty much everything the rabbit's owner touched recently needs to be burned, including the poor rabbit. (Ouch!) But, before the rabbit can be burned, the rabbit cries actual tears, and then a Nursery Magic Fairy (...just go with it) tells the rabbit that the owner loves him, so he's actually a real rabbit. The rabbit then hops off into the woods, knowing his owner really loved him, even though he can't be his owner's toy ever again.

What we learn from this, broadly, is that your identity is only as good and "real" as it is to those that encounter you. If they "love" you, and accept your identity as "real," then your identity will be real. If your identity isn't accepted as real, then your identity cannot be whaat you claim it is.

In short, OTHER PEOPLE DEFINE WHO YOU ARE BY WHETHER OR NOT YOU "PASS" AS YOUR IDENTITY. When we think about this in gender-variant terms, things get really interesting, and this is actually an excellent analogy to use as a framework to think about "passing."

Passing is a subject that is oft-talked about in gender-"variant" communities. Passing is important to talk about, for me, because not all gender variant individuals choose to pass at all. It's just not a goal. Sure, individuals may alter their bodies, behaviors, voice timbres, clothing, accessories, makeup use, etc., at least in part, in order to "pass" as something - commonly talked about in terms of passing as male or female. But not all individuals want to "pass" as anything. Individuals whose gender identities blur or lie outside the gender binary, very, very often make these changes to more closely approximate the person they are, with no goals of passing as anything in particular to others. Sometimes various presentations and performances are assumed for the sake of genderfucking to publicly challenge gender norms (e.g., think an individual with a beard, wearing a skirt, with a biker jacket, a large hair bow, heavy-duty work boots, and bright lipstick), with which a genderfucking individual may or may not identify with as their own gender identity. Or perhaps they do, at least sometimes while they are presenting and performing in that way. (I say sometimes because often the outfit I was feeling when I woke up is completely ill-fitting to my gender identity that afternoon, later that morning, or 5 minutes after I walk out the door. *Sigh* Should I just start wearing full layers of separate outfits under one another and peel things off and mix-and-match as appropriate? That could get kind of fun, actually!) Individuals may also only want to pass sometimes - whether out in public, in going to a queer event, drag show, etc., so it is just an occasional goal. Others want to pass all the time, either because it is important to their identity, for SAFETY REASONS (not to be taken lightly in any form for gender-variant individuals), to keep their job (even though it's highly illegal to fire someone for this, it still happens), keep not understanding friends or lovers, for their childrens' sake, or a host of other reasons that may completely be their choice or they are forced into to prevent certain elements of their lives from changing. Others are not really sure what they want to do - just a valid reason as any. Passing is really complicated in general.

But this essay has made me think about passing with fresh eyes. I have always thought about passing in terms of, "I have passed as female in the presence of all of these people. Yes! Or, ugh." The focus on passing was certainly how others identified me. But that is a very different sentiment than focusing on passing as how others ALLOW YOU TO BE REAL OR NOT. Check out this excerpt, as follows:

The truth is that I might not mind as much if I didn't understand so well what was going on. I might be willing to believe that there was some sort of innocent educational journey at work every single one of those times [being interrogated about one's sex and gender], if I hadn't already answered those questions over and over only to discover that each of my questioners was using the information to decide whether or not I was real. I say that my name is Bear, and when I am asked if I have changed my first name to Bear, I say no, it's my middle name. Not real enough. When people learn that my grandmothers still call me Sharon, it's further proof: not the real deal. These judgments are made about surgeries, about hormones, about sexual orientation, and people who ask them - the same people who moments before claimed the need for my tender educational mercies - are not the gender judge and jury.

...

It's tempting to make the comparison to the Velveteen Rabbit, and tidy as well - and you know essayists; we love to wrap up a good metaphor with a pithy ending. Here I just say that I know that I'm real, that I believe in it fully, and if I can become real to just one person it's enough to sustain me. But unlike the Velveteen Rabbit, who was redeemed from death through love but never allowed to be near his love again, it takes more than one person believing in my realness. It takes cultural change. And so this essay doesn't really end as much as it stops. I'll let you know if I ever get more real.

This is really interesting, because it means, to an extent, that whether or not we're trying to pass, or not trying to pass, many, many other people are still to shoehorn us into one of several categories - often just two, or maybe more if they're slightly more aware/kind. But ultimately others do not believe we have the autonomy of saying, "This is what I am." They do not think that we are the experts on who we are - that they know more about who we are than we do, who we have been living with all our lives, based on a few physical or behavioral features they just happen to notice in-passing. Others should not be allowed to define us. They don't have a right to our identities any more than they have a right to our bodies. But they think that we do. That because we are different, because we are minorities, that this means that, by default, we are for public consumption. That it is justifiable to pick apart our identities and challenge us, and ask us stigmatizing and triggering questions because we are the weird ones, and they can't be expected to POSSILBY make any sense of our Non-Sensical Crazy, and so we must educate them about it. We must answer their awful questions. We must engage with them in discourse as equals, as though they potentially know as much about our "confused" states as we do, and maybe their unsolicited advice on how to be "normal" is just all we need in order to bounce back to "reality."

WE MUST CONVINCE THEM THAT WE'RE REAL.

This is a really different way of thinking about passing than I have been thinking about it previously, and in context, people's "inquiries" (i.e., harassment) makes much more sense to me within this framework. This framework is obviously applicable to people that are trans-identified, androgynous, or gender-variant in some way. How does this relate to intersex?

Not all intersex conditions come with a suite of external morphological characteristics (i.e., shape and form of the whole body or various body parts) that look anything unlike people's typical constructions of "male" or "female." With my own condition, CAIS, I look very female. I have never been mistaken for a male. Not once. Not even that time I received a hideous bowl-cut from an inept hairdresser that looked utterly like the mushroom cut all my elementary school male peers were wearing. (I only identify as female sometimes, most of the time identifying as gender-neutral or gender-less, and never identify as male. So, even though I "pass" as female because I meet stereotypical preconceptions of what female-bodied individuals look like because of my intersex condition, I often feel a lot of anxiety because I don't always know if how I'm acting or wish to act conforms with behaviors typical of stereotypical female-gendered individuals. I look the part, but I don't always feel like I'm PLAYING it correctly. Can't a new actor be hired to play female Claudia, instead? Also, this would give me less time to work at my job, and more time to engage in activism! Yesssssss!)

Individuals with other types of intersex conditions may possess suites of body parts that, together, don't match other peoples' conceptions about what male or female bodies should look like. Check out the Intersex Society of North America's "Intersex conditions" page. (To start, check out congenital adrenal hypoplasia (CAH), Klinefelter's syndrome, and Turner's syndrome. I'm not going to talk about each one in-depth because I know my own condition far better than other intersex individuals', and I can't speak for all intersex individuals, whether they have my own condition - CAIS level 7 - or not. People need to be given the forum to describe their own conditions and lived experiences, in ways that I - though, yes, intersex - am still, however, an outsider into their particular lived experiences. Only they can describe the nuances they experience. Also note that not all individiuals with these conditions, such as Turner's, Klienfelter's, etc., consider themselves to be intersex, as we've discussed in previous posts. There's nothing simple or clear-cut about identity! Now if only we all accepted that...) These individuals very likely are harassed by outsiders, who have absolutley no business to do so. A lot of people likely think it IS their business, though, because they are threatened if others stray outside the sex-and-gender binaries, or if they are attracted to - *GASP* - "some freak," something else Bergman addressess in his essay. The difference is that intersex individuals may not be gender-variant in any way, nor identify as queer - none of it. So, intersex individuals that are not a part of the queer community may be interrogated and discriminated against by virtue of "looking funny" to others' oh-so-idealized paragons of male and female bodies. {*insert choir of angels here*} This is kind of "passing" for intersex individuals outside the queer community shares many of the same elements, trials, inequities, and frustrations of many queer individuals' experiences in "passing." The difference is, I'm very, very unconvinced that intersex individuals think about passing, share tips for passing, etc. in the ways that many queer individuals do. Instead, there may just be isolation and frustration and body-hate and a host of other things. How can we have a greater discourse on passing for intersex individuals whose bodies don't conform to culturally-defined expectations of male or female forms, who may or may not also be part of the queer community where some of these concepts may have been encountered already?

In a lot of ways, we've definitely got tons of queers, not (just?) wearing velveteen but MADE of velveteen, if we are to go along with Bergman's deft analogy. If passing is something that is desired, for queers, queer-identified intersex individuals, and non-queer-identified intersex individuals, what can be done if the power to be real does not lie within our own capacity, according to many others? It is simple to say, "Just ignore it. Go along with your business. YOU TRULY define your OWN identity!" Well, yes, this is the way it should be, but that doesn't meant that's actually how it plays out. Stigmatizing questions do wound one's pride. Constant challenging does sometimes lead to crazy-making. We SHOULD have control over our own identities (for fuck's sake, we should at LEAST have the autonomy to define who we ARE! Arrrrgh!), but unless we want to be a constant walking font of education and decide to inform ignorant individuals when we feel like it, or simply ignore them, or get angry and lash out, none of these options may ultimately feel satisfying, depending on the situation. You still want to be taken as REAL, without having to prove yourself. Questions are one thing. Attempted dentity homicide via non-acceptance of one's identity is another.

There are, of course, lots of creative ways to raise awareness about gender variance, trans issues, intersex issues (whether with or without overlap with the queer community) when interrogated, but that deserves its own blog post, and I'm starting to fade. (Note to self: Don't try to think about meangingful stuff before eating. Ever. Just don't.) The ultimate rub, though, comes from not being taken at face value, maybe because our faces don't line up with your expectations. My face, my body outline, my muscles, my skeletal structure, my hormone levels, my chromosomes, my external genitals, my internal sex organs, my body hair distribution, my voice timbre, my clothing choices, my behaviors, my likes and dislikes, my work and hobbies - NONE of that gives anyone the right to decide who you ARE based on that. We can try to fight this system of interrogation and verdict of whether one's "real" or not, but the fact is that majority folks have an unearned privelege of choosing to do this, whether or not they exercise this privelege or not. Like Bergman said, what really needs to change is our cultural values regarding this.

Only then, can we define who we REAL-ly are, without a fight.

Too Many Letters, or Not Enough?

2010-03-27T13:01:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about how intersex fits within the queer community, often referred to as the "LGBTQ" community.

Labels can be really great things for many people. Labels help many of us to not only get a grasp on who we are, but to identify other people that feel similarly. From this ability to describe who we many allow us to make sense of and peace with ourselves, and to build community with those who identify similarly or are open to those that do.

Labels can also cause as many rifts among people as often as they bulid community among them. Labels can cause people to become obsessed about creating community with only those that share the exact same labels as themselves. This could mean only associating with people that identify as "X" regardless of whatever labels this potential friend and community member may have, or could mean only identifying as people who have a certain suite of labels, such as "X", "Y", "Z", "A," "B", and "C," and anyone who claims "D", "E", or anything else additionally would be scrapped. People may also fight about the exact defintion of label "X", who can be included, and what feelings, lived experiences, and/or goals people claiming "X" may share. There's likely to be a lot of variation in individuals that define as "X" anyway; this may, and often does, lead to the creation of new labels under one larger label. (Think "a" and "b" as being flavors of label "X.") This could cause rifts between even between people that both identify as "X." (Perhaps "a" accused "b" of not being TRULY "X.")

Clearly, this can all get very confusing. Does this mean, then, that we should chuck out labels altogether, or create a plethora of new labels?

I don't think the answer is so either-or. (In case you haven't noticed, I'm not into binaries. Ha!)

I don't think there's any need to chuck out labels, but I think that there are ways to identify using labels without becoming like some label-obsessed individuals - like, the equivalents of the clothing label-conscious who will only talk to you if you're wearing THAT shirt and THOSE pants and THESE shoes. In many senses, though, it's a matter of practicality and SAFETY to associate and build community with those that define themselves similarly. After all, it's a fact that those that sex-and-gender variant individuals suffer incredibly high rates of mortality from people who feel threatened by them. One only needs to Google "trans deaths" to see how many people are willing to kill others because they don't look or act like what they think people - either "males" or "females" as they define it - shoudl look or act like. Additionally, building community with other people who have similar thoughts, attitudes, and LIVED EXPERIENCE is really important; one of the best ways to beat isolation is to talk like-minded people. But, if this exclusion becomes so extreme to exclude other sex-and-gender variant individuals clamining different lables, or non sex-and-gender variant allies, this could actually be hurting a community. After all, people grow not only by sharing commonalities, but being exposed to others who can offer different perspectives.

It's also important to consider where people that choose not to use labels fit in. Lots of individuals that might share similar thoughts, attitudes, and lived experiences might be shunned by communities because they don't use labels for themselves, and instead choose to describe themselves to others using language sans labels commonly in use at the time. People that might be really great members of a community could be shunned by prospctive community members if they don't give these people a chance to describe themselves and their experiences.

A final thing to consider is visibility. Some individuals that already have labels are rarely recognized, or included in conversations about sex-and-gender variant individuals. Intersex people are often excluded, although I've noticed that people that are asexual are often excluded even MORE frequently! (Go check out the Asexual Visibility and Education Network if you'd like to learn more!) Other groups of individuals, some of whom that might really like a recognized label to describe a facet of who they are, might not have one. For example, to my knowledge, there is no word to describe the exact condition of "a person who sexually fantasizes about a person of the opposite sex and might kiss them but wouldn't go further, but who is comfortable being sexually active with same sex members."

Which leads us back to "LGBTQ." If we define the "Q" as "questioning," and not as "queer," then this type of person previously described doesn't fit anywhere in "LGBTQ," despite the fact that they don't have a heterosexual orientation. In this way, non-heterosexual individuals marginalize people that should feel included in the queer community, and not excluded from it. (With so many factions and in-fighting, it is a very good question whether one, inclusive queer community truly exists, and if so, who is included.) Choosing the letters L, G, B, T, and Q in general, when "Q" does not denote "queer," by definition marginalizes all queer individuals that are not L, G, B, or T. Some individuals remedy this by making more letters, such as I for intersex and A for asexual, but adding these two won't include everyone. Do we make a label for everyone? Do we repeat letters if need be, or fight to keep a letter? What about the order of the letters? Some individuals state that the arguably more common "GLBTQ" is a pecking order, whereby gay males, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered, and questioning/generally queer without a label G, L, B, or T represents a heirarchy of who has the most visibility and/or power within a community. (This idea has problems, but it is a good segue into examining visibility, power, and queer identity.)

Okay, so, drumoll... WHAT DO WE DO?!

*crickets chirping*

"Well, it's really complicated and there's no one great, one-fits-all answer," I say.

And then I try shielding myself from the onslaught of rotten tomatoes, and whatever other things you might (justifiably?) try hurling at me.

No, but seriously. WHAT DO WE DO?

One direction I think could remedy a lot of these issues is the more predominant use of one label, and then using other, more specific labels or none at all, as defined. The label that is being increasingly more used today to denote non-straight-of-any-variety-and-flavor is "queer." What would happen if we identified ourselves as "queer" first? People within the queer community might be less inclined to start wars among each other if they see each other as fellow queers first, and not "X" or "Y," which may be perceived as incompatible with one another. If we all identified as "queer" first, it might be more possible to create a queer community, and respect those within the community. People that define as "X", "Y", or "Z" all define each other as having common ground, simply with some variations. And that variety doesn't threaten being included within the queer community. This may work better for individuals that don's use labels, either; by not needing to identify as a "letter" or some variant therein, it might be easier to be accepted by other queers, so long as queers give people not using labels the chance to describe themselves. (This also creates a situation where such people may be labeled "label-less" by non-mindful label-loving queers, however, which a person not using labels may not want.) This might also cut down on pecking order aspects of certain types of queers dominating queer spaces, getting the most visbility, and creating more understanding of other flavors of queers.

Basically, if we stop framing the world in terms of binaries, or fitting into a few strictly-defined labels, and instead accept people with thoughts, attitudes, and lived experiences that may be considered "queer" for who they are as they describe themselves - however they identify and whatever labels they use, if any - then we'd be making a lot more progress and building a lot more community than we are now. More generally, outside of queer community, this ideal would hold well, too. After all, isn't that why minorities everywhere are marginalized? Because we don't see each other as "human," or even more broadly, "living things" first?

This still doesn't solve everything. In terms of intersex, a lot of biologically intersexed individuals don't have queer sexual orientations, or genders, presentation, performance, and don't identify their sex as "intersex," but as male or female with a particular condition. For a lot of intersex people, then, they don't fit in with the queer community. Some trans individuals may not identify as queer in terms of sexual orientation, whereby they receive flack from other queers for not being "progressive" enough. Some individuals that want to take down sex and gender binaries altogether feel that those that aren't sex-and-gender transgressive are not "queer enough", and that's dangerous as well (something that Julia Serano discusses brilliantly in her book, Whipping Girl, and totally reversed my perspective on abolishing sex and gender binaries). What we need is a queer community that is open to all people, despite how they may or may not identify, and not to have a heirarchy. Identifying as one inclusive label first (i.e., "queer"), and being accepting of those who don't use labels, might be a great place to start.

So I've published a novella on this right now. What are your perspectives on building fantastic queer community? What about building community for individuals with intersex conditions, who may or may not define their sex as male, female, intersex, or something else (depending when you ask, since identities aren't static!), where some individuals with "X" condition may or may not identify as intersex, where some individuals may or may not be queer and describe their intersex as overlapping with queer issues, etc.?

Defining Athletic "Advantage": Is The IAAF Being Discriminatory Against Intersex Individuals? (A: YES.)

2010-03-27T12:27:00.000-07:00

So, I was checking out the blog of Scott Turner Schofield, an award-winning actor (in his play, Becoming a Man in 127 EASY Steps!) that is transgendered, who was recently featured on Genderfork.com, an interactive community blog for people who fall outside the lines of binary gender, presentation, and performance (that I LOVE LOVE LOVE). I looked at the tag labels for his posts, and clicked on intersex. (I had to, right?) In that post was a link to a really thoughtful article I wanted to share.

Here's the article I'm referring to, from The Bilerico Project.

This article focuses on what is considered an "advantage" in athletic competition, and how discrimination against Caster Semenya is a completely arbitrary decision by the IAAF. It is not public knowledge what kind of intersex condition Semenya possesses (or SHOULD it be!), but it IS public knowledge that, depending on what Semenya's condition is, that the IAAF could ban her from competing in future competitions, including the Olympics. (Please note that I refer to Semenya as "her" and "she" because she identifies herself as female and uses these pronouns for hereself in her inteviews post-IAAF's completely inappropriate, globally-announced speculation about her biology and mandate for physical and psychological testing.) In fact, Semenya has already been banned from competing in a recent South African competition by her own country. If Semenya possesses a condition that results in levels of testosterone higher than the typical ranges for biological females, then Semeya would be banned from competition because her heightened testosterone would give her an advantage over her competitors.

This is where it is easy to point out the arbitrary nature of this possible biological advantage, versus others that the IAAF does not screen for and/or discriminate against. Here's an excerpt form the article to illustrate this point:

It's odd to hear all this blather about "unfair advantage" when no political effort on earth will ever eliminate all the variables in athletic competition. That level playing field that everybody mentions is only found in the realm of theory. Sports are going to tolerate the presence of athletes who have all kinds of built-in edge -- better-than-usual eyesight, for example, or an inherited ability to tolerate lactic-acid buildup.

Additionally, the article goes on to cite how testing for the possession of "unfair advantages" (i.e., having certain intersex conditions) is overwhelmingly concentrated on competitors in womens' atheletic events, as follows in this excerpt:

Incidentally, no gender testing was ever done on male athletes. Sports authorities protest that men aren't tested because there is no need -- no issue of "unfair advantage" among male athletes.

But that isn't exactly true. Some men are born as a type of triploid, meaning they have an extra Y chromosome. XYY men tend to be taller. This could be an advantage in some sports. Not in basketball, because basketball teams select for tall to start with. But in tennis, for instance, a tall man has an edge in the serve. Tennis great Bill Tilden was very tall, which was one of the factors that made his "cannonball serve" so devastating. Some studies suggest that XYY men are also more aggressive. This could give them an edge in any sport.

Likewise, some men are born XXYs, meaning that they develop in the opposite direction -- a lighter, less-heavily-muscled frame than most men. Not every male sport is won by the sheer creaking muscular strength that most cultures equate with "masculinity!" The lighter build could give the XXY man an advantage in sports that favor that type of physique, like marathon running. The build that dominates in sprinting, which is an explosive anaerobic muscular exercise, is actually a disadvantage in the 26.2-mile marathon, where your circulatory system has to feed oxygen to as little muscle as possible, in order to maintain you in an aerobic activity for an hour or so.

But hell will freeze over before the secrets of male athletes are ever exposed by gender testing.

I think this is really thought-provoking, and sheds a lot of light on the role of biological testing for athletes. What is your take on this?

Bathroom Symbols

2010-03-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

Well, since we last looked at some symbols for intersex in general, I thought it might be fitting to look at some bathroom door symbols.

Ah, the fucking bathroom. Something that many people who are intersex, broadly trans-spectrum, and those that don't conform to sex and gender binaries absolutely loathe.

We all know how problematic those classic Western bathroom symbols are. Here they are below in case you're 1) non-Western and aren't necessarily sure what I'm referring to, 2) you're non-Western OR Western, and just want to be reminded at how much you like to seethe at these crap images:

Yes, of course, not all people identify as "male" or "female" in terms of sex or gender. And, of course, individuals' presentation can't be parsed out based on whether that person's wearing a skirt or not. I'm biolgically intersex, and happen to be in a minority of intersex individuals that identify their sex as "intersexed," and not either male or female. I'm also a trans-spectrum individual, specifically genderqueer, who sometimes identifies as female and others as gender-neutral or genderless. Right now, I mostly dress pretty femme, but want to play around with presentation and performance so that I might increasingly often look like the bathroom symbol on the left.

But what I really want to draw attention to is a post a while back by Ann Friedman, from Feministing. This post features lots of different kinds of bathroom symbols, and how they're totally transphobic. (As well as how they might otherwise be interpreted, with Friedman's hilarious commentary.) I think that the conversation around these different kinds of bathroom symbols can be extended, however, to include how they might affect people who are intersex, or generally fall outside the lines of the sex-and-gender binary.

Check it out. What do you think?

P.S. If there were more gender-neutral bathrooms - i.e., those that didn't have these non-inclusive symbols on the door - many people that are trans, intersex, or sex-and-gender "variant" wouldn't have problems just trying to pee or poo. Additionally, we wouldn't have to risk either verbal or physical harrassment (including death) when choosing to use gendered bathrooms, or risk bladder infections and other health problems from holding in our wastes when choosing NOT to use gendered bathrooms. Just sayin'.

Hugs and thanks to Feministing!

It Happens Sometimes, Ya Know?

2010-03-18T22:55:00.001-07:00

Today is one of those days where I just look around at everyone and feel unbearably sad and angry that there's no room for me in the system that has been created and we currently uphold today. It's not always easy being intersex, pansexual, and genderqueer and not feeling bitter sometimes that your identity is not acceptable, not appropriate, not "natural."

Today is one of those days I just want to take a big mallet, smash the arbitrary system that we currently have, and build a nice, bright, shiny, new one that's inclusive and doesn't shame anyone, or hurt anyone, or make anyone feel like they're not worthy of love and happiness and self-worth and living AS HOW THEY TRULY ARE.

Tomorrow might be one of those days where I don't think about all of this so much so that it doesn't cut so deeply and prevent me from focusing on anything that "needs" to get done during the day. But today is not one of those days.

It's unlikely that one person can single-handedly change a system that is so deeply-rooted in our culture. But I can be satisfied in doing my part to change things so that as much good can impact as many individuals as possible. Smiling and fighting even in the face of imminent defeat. (Very Norse mythology-like, huh?)

Today is one of those days the world tells me that I cannot change anything, that it is not even worth trying. Maybe I didn't change the entire world today, but I haven't let it totally break me down, either. And that means something. If I can still fight, I can still affect change in some way, big or small.

Fuck you, system that doesn't make room for me. I won't let you define who I am and who I can and cannot be, even if there's a NO DEVIANTS sign on your clubhouse door.

I choose me, and all others like me, who feel this way, too. We'll hopefully break down your door someday, even if it's long after I'm alive to see it happen.

And when it does? Well, that day will be one of those days when all of those days like today will have been worth it.

...I'm suddenly feeling a little better. <3

Should The Snail Be Salted?

2010-03-13T19:15:00.001-08:00

So, one thing that's bothered me a little bit is intersexed symbolism. You'd think this would be more straight-forward than it is, but it's not for a lot of reasons.

One such reason is that there's not good consensus on what actually constitutes an intersex condition, both within and outside of the medical community. Individuals with Turner's syndrome, for example, may be shocked to learn that their condition is described by some as an intersexed one, while other Turner's individuals would be wholly unsurprised. Part of all this is compounded by the fact that there's - amazingly - no good medical definition for what constitutes a "male" or female." In the 1950s, John Money started a revolution influencing strict ideas about sex and gender in the medical field. Biological males and females were distinguished from one another on the basis of external genital form. Despite all the information that we know today about genetics, hormones, and biochemistry, and the fact that we are very aware that there are differences in form that we expect of "typical" males and females (i.e., external genital form, internal sex organs, body hair distribution, breast development, nipple form, skeletal and muscule form, chromosome types, hormone types and levels, etc.), it is nothing less than shocking that our basis for assigning babies male and female at birth is still based solely on external genital form. Even in "typical" males and females, there's wide ranges of variation in if/how these different traits are possessed and exhibited, so a re-definition of biological sex might be much more messy even in some of the clearer-cut cases. Throw intersexed individuals into the mix...and then what? You've got a bunch of medics scratching their heads. This means that, by logic, you can't discriminate intersex individuals from either "typcial" males, or "typical" females. How can you find a unifying symbol for intersex individuals if you can't even determine who the intersex individuals ARE? Lack of good definitions and medical standards has really confounded our ability to do this.

Nevertheless, there are individuals who possess conditions described by themselves or by medics as "intersex." Some individuals diagnosed with an intersex condition by individuals don't actually identify as intersex; they may identify their sex as typically male or female...they just happen to have a medical conditions. Others might identify as being just generally "intersex." Others might identify with their specific intersex condition. Others may feel that they transcend sex assignment, feeling that it either does not apply to them or simply don't care to play the obsessive-analysis-game trying to. Others yet feel that their sexual identity, like their gender identity, may be more fluid, changing depending on the moment. Although this might sound like a strange concept to some people, there's a big difference between biologial sex and identity...And this is completely reasonable. How you feel about yourself and your likes/dislikes certainly change over time; very few things in our life are static. Your favorite food or color today might be different from what it was 10 years ago, 1 year ago, 1 month ago, 1 minute ago, or 10 seconds ago. How you'd describe your personality will likely differ from one day, one hour, or one minute to the next. How you experience who you are is in a constant state of flux. Why should sex and gender identities be any different?

So, for all these reasons, it's difficult to pinpoint any cohesive symbol for intersex individuals. What do you do about that?

Some have tried. I did a random search of some intersex symbols to see what was lurking out there. Let's check 'em out.

This is a classic intersex symbol, posted by the Organization Intersex International, indicating that intersex indviduals ride the line between biologically "typical" males and females. But this isn't really accurate, since, as we've seen before, many intersex individuals don't describe their identities as encompassing both male or female, or one and not the other, or either, or any at all, or maybe some or all of the above depending on how they're feeling! I could see how some intersex individuals would want to distance themselves from this symbol. There's gotta be something better out there.

A variant of the above from Flickr's intersex Group Pool.

And yet another variant from Matrifocus. Again, let's keep on searching.

This one is from the University of Texas at El Paso. This one makes my stomach churn and chest ache. Although confusing at first, one might notice this is the blend of one traditional male symbol and one traditional female symbol with a twist - they're both halved. As in, intersex individuals are the perfect blend of male and female. We're half-&-halfs! I can understand this image as being pretty offensive, and wouldn't advocate using it. (Also, from the website where it comes: "intersexual" is NOT a preferred term. It's considered pejorative, or derogatory, by many. Grrr.)

Arrgh! Really? See above for my feelings on this Crestock image (minus the "intersexual" bit at the end). Although this symbol does remind me that more gender-neutral bathrooms need to be established, so that sex-and-gender variant individuals can perform basic bodily functions without fear of harassment, physical harm, and death.

Whatever historians have said about Georgia O'Keefe's work, it's pretty hard to misinterpret the blantant "OMG GENITALIA SYMBOLISM" in this symbol for the Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome Support Group Australia (AISSG). I think this image can be viewed as both inaccurate and semi-exploitative, since the focus of intersex individuals is, once again, on their external genitalia, and some intersex individuals may or may not possess "ambiguous"/"atypical" genitalia. This is even more interesting since not all levels of AIS are characterized by ambiguous genital form; does this symbol best represent AISSG, then?

This is the symbol for the International Society for Hypospadias and DSD (ISHID) - the same organization that hosts annual conferences to learn new procedures in genital mutilation to lop off body parts from infants for the sake of binary sex assignment. (Nice.) My feelings for this organization aside, the babies-in-double-vision symbol is confusing. Are we supposed to be focusing on the legs' possible symgolism as a vagina or a penis? Are we supposed to see how two babies (one male, one female) are "blending" together as an intersexed individual? (Not that again!) What are we supposed to be taking away from this?

Found on a fellow intersex blogger's site (Hi!), Intersex and the City. (Clever, no?) This image is intriguing, but still, this is just telling individuals that intersexed indviduals are still blends of "typical" biological males and females. What, we can't just exist in our own right? We have to judge every person on the sex binary, which clearly can't be supported BY BIOLOGICAL EVIDENCE? This "blending" imagery really needs to be permanently sacked.

SQUEE! A cute little snail. Now this is something different! At first, I was delighted to chance upon this image from the Pacific Northwest's Intersex Initiative. But this image, too, is problematic as well.

Snails are biologically hermaphrodites. Humans cannot biologically be hermaphrodites, since they do not have both full sets of functioning sex organs, either at the same time or at different points during a human individual's life cycle. We simply don't qualify. While I love the snail itself, I think that this would serve to further confuse individuals that don't understand the differences between hermaphroditic species of living things (like snails, as well as various fish, ambphibians, etc.) and non-hermaphroditic, intersex humans.

I like to think of an imagined conversation beteween a person that doesn't know these differences and someone who does.

Clueless: "Hey, cute snail!"
Clued In: "Oh, yeah thanks. It is pretty cute."
Clueless: "What's it for?"
Clued In: "Oh, it's a symbol for intersex individuals."
Clueless: "Huh. [pause] You mean, like, hermaphrodites?"
Clued In: "Actually, no. Humans can't be hermaphrodites, biologically. [insert explanation here] They're actually intersex."
Clueless: "Oh, okay! So...why the snail?"
Clued In: "Because the snail is hermaphroditic."
Clueless: [long pause] "But...um...I thought you said that humans couldn't be hermaphrodites."
Clued In: "That's correct, they can't."
Clueless: [longer pause] "So, you have a hermaphroditic animal as the symbol for intersex humans, who aren't hermaphrodites at all, and who a lot of people incorrectly think are hermaphrodites."
Clued In: "Yes, that's also correct."
Clueless: [long, long, long pause] "...I think my brain melted."

I really don't want to have this conversation. Ever.

Currently, there isn't a good symbol for intersex individuals that is both biologically accurate, non-exploitative, and accounts for the diversity in sex identity among intersex individuals. I think that an abstract symbol that isn't a play on traditional male & female symbols, and that doesn't focus on genitalia or hermaphroditic animals, would be best.

I'm thinking about what might be some cool symbols out there. Any ideas, anyone? :)

Caster Semenya: Further Punishment by the IAAF For Just Being Herself

2010-02-12T15:13:00.000-08:00

It you do a random Google search for Caster Semenya nowadays, it's depressing. There's two different kinds of articles you'll see:

1) "Caster Semenya: Is This Hermie REALLY A Boy or a Girl?"

2) "Caster Semenya Can't Compete Because of The IAAF."

Let's break it down, shall we?

The articles in article-type 1) are especially depressing, because they show an utter lack of understanding of really basic sex and gender theory that should absolutely be required to be exposed to. These articles are under the impression that sex can only be male or female (i.e., "What's intersex? Is it catching?"). And, in the supposedly rare instance someone's intersexed,it's obviously just some sort of a technicality..."Okay, okay Caster's intersex (air quotes here). But is Caster REALLY a he or a she? She's GOTTA be one or the other." Actually, no she doesn't. Like some intersex individuals, she may state that she is biologically male or female (female, in this case) that happens to have a condition. Or she may state that she is biologically intersex, or a variety of other identifications we'll talk about in later posts.

These articles are also under the impression that "being a boy" and "being a girl" means that one's sex and gender must match up. A boy is male-bodied, and his gender is male (i.e., he conforms to his male gender role, doing, liking, and acting how society thinks he, as a male, should be - at least for the most part). A girl is female-bodied, and her gender is female, similarly conforming to female gender roles as described. This is very, very interesting because being a "boy" or "girl" in terms of gender - if they had bothered to make the distinction, anyway - is presented as something that is a fixed concept in every single culture worldwide. There are many cultures with very, very different ideas about what biological men and women do, and what subsequent gender roles they have. Some cultures also have concepts of people that are intersex, who also have gender roles. (We'll devote a post to this...don't want to talk too much about it now.) The way we view sex and gender in the US, and what each's relationship is to the other, is NOT the global universal that these articles assume.

The articles in article-type 2) are simply salt in huge, festering wound that is the public exploitation of Caster Semenya. So, when Caster Semenya's competitors bemoaned her talent and stated that she CAN'T be that good being a "real" woman, the IAAF forced her to undergo weeks of physical and psychological examinations. The IAAF has subsequently released that Caster is intersex (or "a hermaphrodite," depending on how totally biologically inaccurate the news source is). They won't release what her specific condition, is however. Now, this is certainly not a bad thing, as they shouldn't have said, "HEY, WORLD! Caster doesn't know this yet, but we don't think she's female! So we're going to put her through all these tests and torture. WE JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW. Come on, Caster! Also, we might need that medal back." I do not advocate them releasing any more information out about things that should've never been brought to public light anyway, at least not without enthusiastic consent from Semenya. However, in a theoretical sense, depending on which condition Semenya possesses, it might not exclude her from competing with women in future competitions. Those intersex athletes competing in womens' competitions that HAVE been excluded have been so mainly if they exhibit raised levels of testosterone (i.e., up to "typical male" levels) and/or male musculature - perceived as giving them a biological advantage over non-intersexed, biofems. Those reports that have come out already have stated that Semenya possesses higher testosterone levels, although just HAVING those levels doesn't neccessarily mean anything. If my own partial testes were not removed shortly after birth, I would be making heightened levels of testosterone, too, but my condition affects the cellular receptor that "grabs" onto testosterone molecules so they can be used by the body. I could pump all the testosterone through my body I could make, and it wouldn't mean a damn thing, because no matter how much I produced, I could NEVER USE ANY OF IT. Just producing heightened testosterone leves doesn't mean Semenya's body is actually CAPABLE OF USING IT. This is a distinction that has not been made by the press.

It's so awful in general that the IAAF has been (temporarily?) barred from competition in the first place. If the test results have justified their claims that Semenya has a biological advantage over competitiors - i.e., she can make AND use her "male"-level testosterone and/or has male musculature - then they should tell her if they haven't already. (It's possible they actually have, and instead told articles they're just "deliberating" to stave off looking like bad guys until the public forgets about it and doesn't care about Semenya's exploitation anymore. Nice.) But right now, the IAAF, after putting her through all this bullshit, are still trying to pawn themselves off as the good guys. In one of the most nauseating quotes to date in this whole mess, check this one out:

"Gideon Sam, president of the South African Sports Confederation and Olympic Committee, issued a statement Friday saying she would be ineligible for competition until the investigation is over.

The matter over the results of her gender test are still sitting with the international parent association, the IAAF," he said in the statement. "They are still conducting their work and the process is ongoing. And we have to respect the privacy of the athlete, so any 'confirmation' is premature."

Are you kidding me, IAAF? You apparently can't let Semenya compete until you PUBLICLY announce this information, furthering the exploitation once again. And then, you're only doing this for her OWN GOOD, right? Unbelieveable.

Listen up, shoddy news sources. There's a pretty awesome document that the Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome Support Group (AISSG, a UK organization) has put up that's absolutely spot-on. Rock on, AISSG.

You might notice that I haven't linked to very many articles. This is because 1) looking at the vast majority of them spreading the same misinformation and normalizing this exploitation just makes me ill, and 2) you can see evidence of these two article types easily by clicking on almost any article you Google in the first few hit pages. If you want to see the damage by doing a play-by-play of all the articles, definitely do so to see what you're up against. If I linked to all the releveant ones, though, it wouldn't save you any time and I'd be up all night hyperlinking. I don't necessarily mind doing that, but not to link to awful shit like this.

In conclusion, get your act together, news media. You're just making this already disgraceful situation worse. If you're going to report about this, make it biologically accurate and shed some light on why the IAAF's exploitation isn't okay, instead of trying to guess which bits Semenya's got in her pants, huh?

A Fine Line Between Cowardice and Courage...OR, Make Your Own Crisis/Wellness Plan

2010-02-12T13:45:00.001-08:00

Hi, everyone. I originally chalked up my posting hiatus to, "Oh, man, I'm just SO SWAMPED with school." Granted, graduate studies do suck up most of my time, and there are many days when I literally don't have a moment to do something for myself. There are always moments during the day that you can affect change - by challenging yourself and others, helping someone out, etc. - but I've found that writing a post coherently requires me to have, you know, some minimal level of brain function you just don't have sometimes after playing the I Just Read A Massive Pile of Articles Game (P.S. What's My Name Again?).

But my time away has clocked in at just over 3 months. Surely I could've finished any one of the six blog posts I have half-written in my Blogger account in a 3-month period, right? On certain times when I had downtime, I simply didn't post anything. I'd feel this tightening in my chest, and my brain would start to whirr, and I'd think, "You know what I haven't done in a while? This really useless activity that I don't even enjoy that much. I should go do that. No time for blogging about stuff I actually care about!" And then I'd actually go and do that and then later feel like crap because I could've been raising awareness, learning along with others that may be keeping up with this project. A week or two of doing this very easily turned into a very long time. It took a while for me to figure out why.

So, I've decided it's time to be honest. I'm no quitter, and I'm super-excited about doing this blog. But the truth is, I'm kind of scared shitless about it sometimes.

I'm comfortable with myself a lot of of the time, but documenting my feelings and forcing myself to reflect on how I identify and how I see the world is pretty sobering. I don't always like what I see, and don't always want to deal with the aftermath after I see it. I've been able to push ahead during those first few posts, but I think I reached a point where I just needed to regroup.

I'm not just indulging in some blogosphere martyrdom. (Save your virtual chocolates for a better cause!) Rather, I'm thinking that it's not unique for individuals processing their own (or their loved ones') sex and gender issues to be scared shitless, at whatever stage they're at. It's not like I'm scared to see myself in the mirror for the first time since I've started writing publicly, and it's not like after writing this blog for a while I'll magically just feel freaking wonderful about myself all the time and never have any problems ever again. (cue a unicorn crapping a rainbow while everyone joins hands and signs something adorable)

I've had difficulties processing who I am, how I relate to myself, and how the world relates to me and others like me since I've know that I'm intersex. I know that many, many, many other people that are sex and gender variant feel the same way. Intersex people are routinely shamed, criminalized, and pathologized by the medical system, our society, and even by those that love and care for us the most whether it's intentioned or not. It's a lot of shit to swallow a lot of the time, and it's super, super, SUPER important have good mental health to get us through the tough times. Even more so if you have other factors in your life that are already making you (predisposed to) having poorer mental health.

So, I want to use my mini-crisis as a way to talk about how important self-care is, and how often we don't get it. There's a particular book that I really love, called Live Through This: On Creativity and Self-Destruction, by Sabrina Chapadjiev. It's a book of essays about stong, totally badass women that take life experiences they've had that almost broke them (or sometimes did) and use those situations as impetuses for change. They used their worst moments to inform their art, activism, new relationship with themselves, etc. This work has lit a fire under my butt several thousand times now, to use some of the crap I've gone through to do something positive. (In part, these brave women are one of the many reasons I started my journey as an activist.)

There's one particular essay in this book by Bonfire Madigan, a cellist whose explorations of her own mental health and mental health care systems in general is often the inspiration for her music. In her essay, she describes how touring so much often left her little time to connect with what was going on in her mind, and her mood and disposition were pretty drastically affected, negatively. In order to monitor her mood and encourage holistic well-being, she created what she calls a Crisis/Wellness Plan. She handed out her Crisis/Wellness Plan at her shows for free, and has inspired tons of other people to do the same. In this plan, she has several sections:

1) "For When I'm Feeling = Triggers" - Here, she describes the emotions or events that are triggering, or cause her to fall into a state of despondency, anger, anxiety, depression, etc. Recognizing what causes you to go into crisis mode and how to recognize when it happens by tracking your thoughts & feelings is half the battle. You can't know if you're having a mental health crisis if you have no yardstick by which to assess your behavior and mindstate.

2) "Healthy Opposites = Activities to Do Instead" - When you're feeling awful, it's really easy to revert to behaviors and thought-patterns that are unproductive and don't help you out of the hole you're now in. Sure, you can ride out the wave and hope it doesn't swallow you up this time...or, you could be pro-active in recognizing what's going on and say, "You know what? I naturally might want to hide under the covers, act self-destructively toward myself, etc., but I'm going to take this energy that is turning inward against me and use it for self-care." She lists a bunch of activities that she is going to do when she feels these triggering feelings, instead of letting her feelings rule her. SHE'S in control.

3) "Sew Damn Glad to Be Alive = Next Steps" - These are more activities to do when she's experiencing triggering feelings. Unlike Step 2), however, this is more of a play-by-play list of how to pick a "healthy opposite," stick to it for awhile, monitor your progress, pick another healthy opposite if you have to, etc. It's a list of How to Use The Healthy Opposites, and How to Recover If The Plan Gets Derailed.

Everyone obviously has their own coping mechanisms that work for them. I'm a pretty methodical person, though, and I have always found it helpful to write things down in order to make sense of them, or to make myself feel better. Both the act of writing and seeing what so very much confused me in black and white made me calm and feel in control. The chaos looked a lot less chaotic, and just like any other problem I could probably fix (maybe with some time, experience, or some extra help from someone wise...a little or a lot). If you process your feelings the way I do (or even if you're unsure if you do), trying something similar to the Crisis/Wellness Plan might be worth a shot.

I'll show you an excerpt from my own Crisis/Wellness Plan. (I haven't shared everything because even though the personal is political, that doesn't mean everything personal should be public, either.)

Claudia's Crisis/Wellness Plan

1) For When I Feel...
Inadequate Unliked Unloved Misunderstood Stupid Worthless Rageful Inconsolable Naive Depressed Incapable Patronized Abandoned Imbalanced Numb

2) I Can Do...
Reading and learning something new
Meditating
Going for a brisk walk and enjoying nature
Blogging for Full Frontal Activism (!)
Making art
Listeing to affirming music
Writing songs or poetry
Reading biographies of kick-ass people I want to emulate
Cleaning my apartment and organizing my files
Phoning someone I love
Getting together with friends; talk it out
Making delicious, nourishing food

3) My Game Plan Is...
a) Allow self to sulk
b) Identify feelings & why I'm feeling them
c) Acknowledge they're there
d) Feel them. Really feel them. Don't hold back. Nothing you feel is wrong. NOTHING.
e) Allow your feelings to be felt and pass. Let them go when they're ready. Don't rush or try to "snap out of it." You'll just have to deal with it later.
f) Don't have expectations of what you "should" be, do, think, act like, dress like, etc.
g) Just keep being.
h) Keep being and do something positive.
i) Choose a healthy opposite.
j) Say out loud that you're going to do the healthy opposite. It'll make it real. Say, "I'm going to do [this healthy opposite] right now."
k) Do it.
l) If that particular healthy opposite isn't working after making an effort to do it for a while, try a new healthy opposite.
m) Repeat a) through l) as needed.
n) Just keep trying until you feel better
o) Love and BE! :)

Everyone's Crisis/Wellness plan will likely look different. Not everything I do will work for everyone else. Not everything other people do that work for them will work for me. It's all personalized, and that's the beauty of it. You can endlessly alter and revise your CWP to suit your needs at any given moment. Awesome, right?

Additionally, things that are also very viable options to include in your CWP:
1) Therapy (single or group)...in person, over the phone, or online (e.g., for the last one, like AIS Support Group) (something I may end up adding soon to my CWP!) ...Make sure your therapist is someone SPECIFICALLY TRAINED in sex and gender issues, however!
2) Go to a support conference, like the AISG has annually (see link above)
3) Visit a community center near you for information and support services (search the web for places in your region)
4) Calling up a crisis hotline, like one of the following (for US residents), although be sure to look into others on your own, as well, that I might've missed:

For youth...
GLBT National Youth Talkline (through age 25) - 1-800-246-PRIDE (7743)
Rainbow Youth Hotline - 877/LGBT-YTH (542-8984)
Trevor (GLBTQQI Youth Suicide Prevention) Helpline - 866/4U-TREVOR (488-7386)
National Suicide Hotline - 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
United States Youth Crisis Hotline - 1-800-448-4663

...and for adults.
GLBT National Hotline 1-888-THE-GLNH (843-4564)
National Suicide Hotline - 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)

Do whatever it is to engage in the best self-care you can. In another essay from Live Through This..., Daphne Gottleib puts it best, writing, "A few weeks ago, when I couldn't write, I sat before the sadow of the wave on the couch in front of the TV. But then, I called in help, friends I can trust, professional allies. I hit the marks on the responsibilities I had to and cancelled the rest. I acted as if I had a bad flu, an emotional hangover. Because I did. I took care of myself firest, compassionately. It's taken me twenty years to lear how to do just this much." Whether these allies are actual human friends, or the healthy opposites you've taken time to identify and stand at the ready to help pick you up when you're down, this is what it's all about.

I invite you to join me, and the many other individuals that have followed Bonfire Madigan's lead in creating a Crisis/Wellness Plan.

And as for posting? Whenever I'm writing about something triggering, I'll try following my CWP. Hopefully, this means that a lot more blog posts will be coming in the future now that I've identified what's REALLY going on.

Have a happy day of holistic health.

<3, Claudia

This Makes Me Want to Scream

2009-11-04T22:18:00.000-08:00

A conference on intersex will commence from November 12th to 15th.

"Oh, great!" you may think. "She's screaming for joy, since she's remarked in several past posts how intersex visibility is abysmal. How wonderful!"

You would, unfortunately, be incorrect.

It appears that the Third World Congress on Hypospadias and Disorders of Sex Development will be held in Toronto, at the Hospital for Sick Children and at the Marriott Hotel. This conference isn't aimed at awareness and education. There aren't going to be any speeches made by intersex individuals or activists. Scientific facts, nuanced views of sex and gender identity, personal experiences of intersex individuals, and the traumatization induced by medical personnel won't be discussed.

This conference, in reality, seems to be about propaganda. It's pretty telling that the conference is kicked off with a session entitled, "Welcome to the surgeons." (Seriously.) Many of the sessions focus on the genetic aspects of intersexed alone, as though this is the only factor at work in every intersex condition out there, which is completely untrue. Some focus on psychosocial aspects of intersex individuals, I suppose wondering if we'll all become savage, basket-cases unless someone "picks our sex" for us. A bogus concept, because a doctor that surgically alters part of an individual's genitals HAS NOT CHANGED THAT PERSON'S SEX; THEY'VE JUST ALTERED THAT PERSON'S APPEARANCE. This would be akin to surgically removing a non-intersex woman's uterus and declaring that this individual is no longer a woman post-op. What?! (Then again, check out the psychologist that's giving some of those talks. AWFUL. The photograph of his steely gaze amid army toys on one side and Barbies and baby carriages on the other tell you everything you need to know.) A large portion of the talks, however, seem to focus on genital surgeries - what the results are, the best ways to do them, and what tissue to use to do them.

We'll have separate posts looking at surgical options, what they're exactly trying to "correct," and how, but here are some bottom-liners on genital surgeries:

* They're unneccessary. Atypical genital morphology is not a health concern, so these surgeries shouldn't be performed. However, health concerns arise AFTER surgeries. (For example, recovery periods are long, multiple surgries take a toll on the body. And what tissue is used for surgeries can make a big difference. For example, in vaginoplasties, skin may be taken from a patient's own body, a cadaverous body, or animal sources, including animals' intestines. Depending on what tissues you use, strange things can happen. Sometimes, skin on which hair growth {e.g., arms, legs} used for vaginoplasties resulted in individuals growing hair INSIDE THEIR VAGINAS post-op. If that's not a health concern, I don't know what is.)
* They don't change an individual's sex OR gender. No matter what they try to lop off and/or reconstruct, the individual's sex is still the same. And their gender is something THEY decide.
* Surgery can result in genitals that look abnormal post-op when they were just fine (though considered atypical in form by non-intersexed individuals) before. This often includes massive scarring. Would it really have been so horrible to keep genitals the way they are (and functional?!) instead of trying to "correct" them by making them look scarred? How is this more "normal" than maintaining their natural, beautiful forms?
* They are performed, in part, due to heteronormative views of sexuality. Why perform a vicious vaginoplasty on an individual if that person isn't going to be having penetrative sex? Doctors assume individuals will want to penetrate vaginas or be penetrated vaginally, and this is not neccessarily true at all.
* Loss of sensory functionality. Surgery often results in reduced genital sensation, or lack thereof entirely. This means that it's either difficult or impossible to orgasm. So, surgeries are performed to "normalize" the genitals in morphology, but then it's normal to be unable to orgasm during sex? Really?
* Loss of other functionality. Depending on the type of tissue used, say, for vaginoplasties, it may not be able to produce lubricant like normal mucosal tissues would, making artifical lube necessary every time an individual has sex. Was it really worth it to lengthen the vaginal canal if it doesn't function in the same way?
* Reinforces that the bullshit sex and gender binary paradigms must be maintained.
* Individuals often cannot consent to such surgeries, especially if they are infants and young children who can't understand/aren't informed of their intersex, and who don't understand all the implications of surgery. Parents who "consent" for them are often lied to or pressured into so that doctors can perform surgeries. Doctors may perform surgeries WITHOUT NOTIFYING parents at all, filing it under a removal of tissue that could be a "health hazard" under numerous persuasions of very vague rationale.

Ugh. And on and on and on.

Worst of all, live genital surgeries will be performed AT THE CONFERENCE. This is absolutely heart-breaking beyond all measure, to rob these infants of their own body parts that cause them no harm. I am so disgusted by this I can't see straight.

The fact that this conference EXISTS (and that it's in its third year) is absolutely unacceptable. The fact that this conference's title makes it seem like an awareness/activist conference is all the more reprehensible.

If you'd like to tell the some representatives how you feel about their conference, feel free to e-mail them at: li.conferences@sickkids.ca

And, in response, two recent videos on how harmful genital surgeries are, and why conferences like this one, promoting such barbaric practices, need to STOP!

Via Organization Intersex International.

Dr. Oz Takes On Intersex

2009-10-30T18:06:00.000-07:00

Dr. Oz had a segment on intersex, "When the Sexes Collide," on his show, Dr. Oz.. I can't say I'm crazy about the segment's name, as it serves to promote the humans-can-be-hermaphrodites myth, but the segment's heartfelt nature and generally good overview of many issues facing intersex individuals and their families almost justifies the dubious name. :)

Check it out here. I'm sorry it's not embedded in this post; I think the embed code might be buggy, although it could certainly be an error on my part. Still, check it out!

I'm really glad the Dr. Oz stated that intersex individuals USED TO BE CALLED "hermaphrodites." While this technically isn't true due to lack of intersex visibility, resulting in mainstream confusion as to what the &*@#$ it is, this is how it SHOULD BE! Great job on that, Dr. Oz!

Dr. Oz basically takes the audience through human fetal development from the 6-week stage, when the fetus has not developed body parts generally thought of as "male" or "female." Thus, that fetus isn't on a M or F developmental track yet. The word is out as to what its biological sex will be!

Oz specifically cites that intersex conditions are often linked to testosterone - either that the body doesn't make (enough of) it, it makes too much, or the body makes it but can't use it. While this certainly isn't the case in many intersexed conditions, where testosterone doesn't play a (prominent) role, he's still putting some good information out there.

He then asks the guest psychologist and intersex activist, Dr. Tiger Devore, how parents are to raise their children - as male or female? (This question will most definitely be explored in future posts, so we won't get into all the nitty gritty controversies right now.) I LOVE that Dr. Devore stated that intersex children should be given the choice to wait until they are older and have formed a "sexual" identity (probably meaning gender identity, but okay) before any genital surgeries are performed. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT, and will also be discussed extensively in the future.

It is interesting that Dr. Devore states that such individuals my choose to identify as male, female, or "something in-between." Although sometimes my gender identity is "intersex," many intersex individuals don't feel this way. Many intersex individuals don't think that "intersex" can even BE a true gender identity, since these individuals feel that biologically, all individuals are male or female....just with some added biological complexities (e.g., a genetic mutation, atypical hormone levels, etc.). I have been thinking a lot about this, and want to post on this sometime soon-ish, especially since I seem to support a minority view among intersex individuals. (I wonder how minor? Hmmm...)

The issue of surgery is also addressed, as it should be. Dr. Oz asks Dr. Devore how surgery affects [external genital] function. Devore states that surgery can render the gentials functional (Me: "REALLY?! HOW?!") or non-functional (Me: "There you go!"). He specifically mentions that metal cutting into flesh will leave scar tissue, which "doesn't leave good sensation, and so they may be less functional than if they'd been left alone." Better yet, the following exchange:

Oz: But it is possible for- for someone who's born intersex to have a very functional, full sex life.
Devore: Yes. And to have ambiguous genitalia. (huge smile)
Oz: Despite that.
Devore: (still smiling) Absolutely.

I'm unsure how much network politics played a role in this, but I was hoping he'd be blunt and state that genital surgery may leave individuals unable to orgasm, and that leaving the genitals alone - yes, even ambiguous ones (*GASP*) - may allow intersex individuals to enjoy such sensations.

Of course, intersex individuals' experiences were recounted on the show, as well. I love that one intersex woman, Janet (last name not stated), featured on the show had had two children. A common misconception is that intersex individuals are, by definition, sterile, when this is not neccessarily the case. (This is on a condition-by-condition basis. Janet has congenital adrenal hyperplasia.)

Janet addresses something very important. Dr. Oz remarks that her upbringing must have been difficult, having perceived that she was different as a "little girl." Janet explains, however, that bodies aren't much talked about in general, and voices that it's often not uncommon for intersex individuals to be unaware that their own bodies deviate from the norm. In other words, that if bodies aren't discussed to establish a baseline for what "normal" is, then intersexed individuals have no indication that their own bodies are different from anyone else's until they are informed by a medical doctor. (All too often, this doesn't occur until later in life, and often due to seeking medical help when such individuals encounter fertility problems.)

One thing I didn't like is that Dr. Oz states that Betty, a woman whose child is intersex, is "going through it," before asking Janet to advise Betty on child-rearing an intersex individual. Rasing an intersex individual may pose unique obstacles to parents, due to a lack of dialogue about sex and biological variation, gender identity, the stigma associated with discussing bodies and gentials in general, etc. However, stating that a mother is "going through it" implies that raising an intersex child may be akin in some ways to having birthed a baby dragon - that everything might go up in flames at any moment. It's really important to keep in perspective that male, female, intersex, the child you are raising is a CHILD. A HUMAN CHILD. A HUMAN BEING. You are not raising an individual from another species that you can't relate to, that makes no sense to you, that is foreign to you in every way. You are not raising an intersex child. You are raising a child, a person, than happens to be intersex.

Another thing I didn't like is that Dr. Oz stated that many women, like those in Betty's position, might feel ashamed by their intersex children. I understand that shame is prevalent due to lack of awareness and understanding of intersex; I simply wondered why he singled out mothers. Would not fathers and other guardian types not be interested in these individuals' care?

Betty's thoughts and testimonials are really amazing, on several levels. She identifies these surgeries as unnecessary, and not just the surgeries, but the separation and isolation that goes along with it. She values that her child is physically healthy over the fact that he has a "condition." She is proud to keep her child's genitals the way they are, specifically citing that "...he might change his mind in the future, and I'm just glad I haven't screwed anything up for him." I hope all intersex childrens' parents are as committed and loving as Betty's words indicate she is.

Lastly, Dr. Oz asks Betty if she knows any other parents of intersex children. "No, I don't, but I wish I did," she says, her eyes raising to the ceiling. IT IS SO IMPORTANT FOR BOTH INTERSEX INDIVIDUALS, AND THEIR LOVED ONES, TO HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM. And this is something that is not NEARLY talked about enough among individuals who are intersexed, or have loved ones who are. This may mean other intersex individuals/parents to talk to, supportive family members or friends, or professionals that are experienced working with intersex issues. (Sadly, professional therapy is not always an option, depending on one's socio-economic status. Free or low-cost therapy may be available in certain areas. These would definitely be worth searching for if working with a professional is the right choice for you and/or your loved ones.) Betty states how she was uncomfortable talking about it, and how many people just don't want to talk about it "because it's a taboo subject." And she's totally right. This isn't a justification, but an accurate appraisal of the situation right now.

Perhaps the best quote of the whole piece is from Janet. "Who that child is, is in his brain." Every person has the right to define who they are, and what that means. If we could all just internalize that one lesson, then I think that we will have breached that first step in resolving innumerable issues, far beyond intersex alone.

The second-best quote? Perhaps also from Janet. "Your child is well-loved, and that is the best you can do for your child." Sex, gender identity, surgery options looming in the future. These are not things parents should have the right to make. The INDIVIDUAL alone should be allowed to make these choices. This is a great reminder that parents who may feel powerless and overwhelmed at the thought of "choosing" a sex, "choosing" a gender identity, choosing whether or not surgery should be performed....that these are not choices of theirs to make. And that NOT making these choices does not render them powerless. These parents are powerful in their love and support for their children, regardless of their sex, gender identities, or wishes to decline/pursue surgeries. Their children don't need them to choose these things. They just need love and support. That IS powerful parenting. Anything else is controlling and inappropriate.

Overall, I enjoyed watching this segment. No, it wasn't perfect. No, it wasn't totally accurate all the time. But I think that if more mainstream coverage of intersex conditions looks like this - and increases in frequency - then some big steps will be made in the right direction, in generating awareness of intersex and activism to safeguard individuals' rights and health.

THIS is more what it should look like. Good job, Dr. Oz. :)

[Off-Topic Side Note: Has anyone else noticed that I have TONS of things I want to talk about in each post, that I reluctantly must defer to other posts in the future? *Sigh* There's just so much complexity to dissect and understand! AND IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO DO SO!]

Appreciation to my mother for alerting me to this segment. Thanks, Mom!

International Olympic Committee to Standardize How Intersex Games Athletes are "Dealt With"

2009-10-30T17:31:00.000-07:00

Caster Semenya's shaming, globally sensationalism surrounding her biological sex has led the International Olymic Committee (IOC) to standardize how future competitors of "ambiguous gender" are treated. (Note that if the article has this wrong; this issue was not about gender, which an individual identifies as, and which may differ from one's biological sex. {It also isn't set in stone; my own gender identity often changes from minute-to-minute, a topic that will be the subject of future posts.} This entire issue was about biological sex.)

The brief article is interesting in that it implies a reactionary approach in a situation like Semenya's, in which an athelete is perhaps outed for or suspected of being intersex after having been accepted to the Games, or even after having competed. The article doesn't mention IOC's plans to "test" for intersex. (Meaning, that genetic tests would be performed, which would be quite ineffective for certain intersex conditions because intersexed conditions comprise a WHOLE lot more than what geneticals and chromosomes you have....especially since external genitals and/or sex chromosomes possessed might not be affected at all! See previous posts for more information.) So, if the IOC didn't start performing more genetic tests to catch some of those pesky intersex athletes wanting to compete, then how would one identify intersex individuals? It seems it would be terribly difficult to "deal with" a suspected intersex individual unless it involved whistle-blowing by Semenya's fellow competitors voicing complaints about her angular features and sizeable musculature. If the latter is the case, are future competitors going to be in the same situation as Semenya, caught wondering if their medals and right to compete might be taken away from them after all their hard work and sacrifice? It's unclear if this new plan will be employing any new methods other than witch-hunt-esque techniques. Is this really acceptable? (The answer is a resounding, "NO!")

I was equally alarmed after reading this quote by IOC Medical Commission Chairman, Arne Ljungqvist: “It’s highly unfortunate. These cases should be confidential. They are private matters and should not be displayed openly. The one who suffers is the person, and the person has done nothing wrong. This may be part of our discussion — how to avoid this type of public knowledge." (Emphasis added.)

To many, this boldfaced part might be applauded and championed. After all, who would like to see future athletes subjected to the freak-in-a-fishbowl treatment endured by Semenya? However, this aim is misguided. The ultimate goal shouldn't be to avoid telling the public that an individual is intersex. That should be a GIVEN. It isn't the public's damn business what genitalia, internal sex organs, hormone levels, secondary body hair distribution, chest/breast development, etc. an individual possesses.

The real goals should be to the following:

TO STOP SENSATIONALIZING INTERSEX INDIVIDUALS.

TO RECOGNIZE INTERSEXED INDIVIDUALS FOR THE HUMAN BEINGS THEY ARE, INSTEAD OF PAINTING THEM AS THESE MONSTROUS SPECTACLES FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION.

TO EDUCATE INDIVIDUALS ABOUT WHAT INTERSEX IS. (This humans-can-be-hermaphrodites thing has been soldiered on for way too long.)

CAMPAIGNING FOR ETHICAL TREATMENT OF THESE ATHLETES, THUS TRADING IN STIGMATIZATION FOR ACCEPTANCE.

It's not going to be easy for the IOC to determine what standards they will employ, but the decisions they do make are going to be really important. Keep your eyes peeled for more in the coming weeks.

Lady Gaga Leaves out Intersex, Trans Individuals In National Equality March Speech

2009-10-29T13:50:00.000-07:00

So, after the Lady Gaga debacle, turning her accidental skirt-hoist into a viral video incurring massive speculation about her sex and gender identities (predominantly intersex and transgender), one would think that Lady Gaga would be especially attuned to issues affecting intersex and trans individuals. This is apparently not so. I mean if she had time to call out Obama on not coferring equal rights to queer individuals, then surely she had time for a brief shout-out mentioning trans and intersex folk.

Although this last item doesn't have to do with intersex, I think it's important to say. First, the new channel covering the event incorrectly dubbed it the Gay Rights Rally. Second, Gaga herself, who identifies as bisexual, almost exclusively states that GAY individuals need equality, and that GAY peoples' demands won't be ignored any longer, and that she has "the most beautiful GAY fans in the world." Um, is the National Equality March really exclusively about GAYS?

No. The National Equality March is supposed to represent all individuals with sexual orientations falling outside heternormativity (= being straight). This includes lesbians (which can be umbrella-ed under "gay," fine), bisexuals, pansexuals, asexuals, and many individuals whose sexuality doesn't have a nice, flashy little term associated with it (i.e., it's not in the books, but that's worlds different from saying that it doesn't exist!). Since the transgender and intersex identities often overlap with queer ones, it would not have been inappropriate at all to mention that their equal rights should ALSO be met, and furthermore, that awareness of these peoples' existence should be championed. This last one is no trivial issue; I can't articulate how many individuals don't know that transgender or intersex people EXIST, let alone what they mean - non-celebrities and celebrities alike. For an example, check out this awfulness vomited out by Kathy Griffin and Larry King from June 6th of this year:

There are so many things wrong with this interview. Just to put it in context here's a play-by-play of the entire sequence, from 8:05 to 9:23 of the video:

* Moments before, Griffin brags about how ratings are highest on her show, Life on the D List.
* Proceeds to talk in a morbidly fascinated way about Chaz, Bette Midler's transgender daughter, as King seems unabashedly befuddled. Nice.
* Griffin states that she's a strong supporter of the LGBTQI community. King proceeds to ask her what that is, and Griffin names what the letters denote. (Interesting, she includes the "I," which many do not, and also identifies the "Q" as questioning, when others identify it as "queer" in general.)
* Griffin states that the "I" stands for intersex, where this little gem unfolds (8:51 to 9:01):

Griffin: And then the other one is called intersex.
King: What’s that?
Griffin: I don’t know. I was hoping you would. I think maybe the Jonas Brothers might know.
King: (profoundly puzzled) Intersex.
Griffin: I- I- you know what, I support them, whatever they are. (Emphasis added.)

* Griffin goes back to Chaz, stating she doesn't know what to call her, so "[she's] just treating her like Pat from Saturday Night Live...I'm just calling her Chaz." Griffin has called Chaz "her" for the entire interview. Why is it difficult to call Chaz by the pronouns she prefers outside of this interview? And if she really has a problem doing this, it's curious how easily she jumps this hurdle on national television. Another thing worth considering: how might Chaz feel watching this interview on national television?
* King remarks that having a "neutral" name like Chaz is great "...for this." For this what, Larry King? "This," meaning the fact that Bette Midler's daugther is transgender? Surely this fact isn't so upsetting to you that you can't verbally articulate yourself on air. Right?
* Griffin starts a pissing contest with King as though that whole fucked up conversation never happened, asking how many Emmy's he's won. He says one, and she gleefully counters she's won two. (Oh, joy of joys, readers! They're disricminatory for sure, but at least they're fancy, EMMY-WINNING discriminators!) Ugh.

So, let's review the evidence.

* Griffin is a great LGBTQI supporter and doesn't know what intersex is. Riiiiiiight.
* Griffin incorrectly thought that King would know what this meant, perhaps thinking mainstream awareness of intersex is really common. As you know , it's not.
* Why might the Jonas Brothers know about intersex? Clearly this is a jab in stating that they're not heterosexual, but what isn't clear is why she thinks they might be intersex. We can safely chalk this one up to not having her facts straight. It is also unclear why the Jonas Brothers sex, gender, or sexual orientation would be any of Kathy Griffin's business, and why these might be news-and-gossip worthy.
* Intersex is apparently something to puzzle over as though it's a great mystery of life, instead of looking it up on Google and educating oneself. (Larry King, I'm looking at you!)
* WHATEVER they are is a much different statement than WHOEVER they are. Kathy's use of "whatever" in this context de-humanizes intersex individuals, and reduces them once again into the realms of the freaky, fetishized, shameful others that they are. ("And thank the gods I'm not one of them!" Right?) That's absolutely unacceptable, Kathy Griffin. Intersex indivuals and their allies aren't on Larry King Live to refute your inane and discriminatory views; in light of that, don't strip them of their human dignity, too. A public apology would not be uncalled for.

So, quite a long aside, but a worthwhile one, I think. Intersex people haven't been featured much in the news or the media at large, although there have been several Oprah episodes devoted to intersex individuals, several documentaries, and intersex individuals' use as a major plot device in single episodes in medical drama like ER and House. (And not flattering or necessarily biologically accurate portrayals, either. Clinicians helping write for medical shows should know better, but this is a subject for future posts.)

In light of the lack of intersex and transgender visibility, it would've been nice to mention these individuals into Lady Gaga's speech at the National Equality March. The real question is, were these individuals simply not on Gaga's mind, or was she purposefully trying to distance herself from them given the recent media onslaught (othering herself from "them," once again)? It's just not clear.

How Was Your 6th Annual Intersex Awareness Day?

2009-10-27T15:08:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was Intersex Awareness Day. I'm not going to pretend my quippy title underlies a fierce pride of my own annual celebration of IAD...

...because I didn't know it existed until today. I learned this from Queers United post, which has some history, pamplets-for-print, and intersex articles. Good job, QU!

I think that this fact says VOLUMES about how intersexed indivudals are often stigmatized to the point that they don't seek out community, or try to educate themselves about intersex. There are so many things I still have yet to learn about intersex history, health issues, and activism going on today...and a lot of that has to do with the shaming of individuals that don't fit sex and gender binaries. (Fuck that.) On that note, I guess I shouldn't be shocked that IAD wasn't locally or nationally covered, as far as I know, although it should be. How about some positive visibility, Mainstream?

Well, you can bet your butts that I'll be ready for the 7th Annual IAD. Local activist centers, here I come!

Map of Human Fetishiz- I Mean, Sexuality.

2009-10-16T22:06:00.000-07:00

So, apparently this has been around for a while, but I just became aware of its existence. Check it out for yourselves:

This creation, by Franklin Veaux, is called "A Map of the Lands of Human Sexuality." While certainly creative and pretty extensive in topic areas covered (although not necessarily within each topic, given in part to space constraints, I'm sure), I couldn't help but notice that "Sex With Hermaphrodites" is specifically included in the "Gender and Orientation Identity" portion of the map. Now, sophisticated and non-discriminatory readers that you are, you understand why the use of "hermaphrodite" is not only biologically incorrect, but is also both highly offensive and way outdated. (He might as well have added, "Nardly!" afterward, for crying out loud.) He's also got "Shemales" listed up there - a term I have a particularly poisonous hatred for, along with "shim" and other such lovelies.

Equally disturbing is his placement of these apparently shocking individuals in his map. ("Oh, no! Not a 'hermaphrodite'! Quick, come before 'it' fertilizes itself!") He partitions the Lands "mainland" into four regions, respectively separated from one another by mountain ranges. These areas are clearly delineated based on Veaux's perceived perversity ascribed to various sexual acts. For example, "Fully Clothed Sex" is separated from "Naughty Nurse" play by The Lesser Barrier Mountains, which is separated from "Flesh Hooks" by The Greater Barrier Mountains, which is separated from "Necrophilia" by the Impassable Reaches.

Now, "SWI" and "GOI" are located verrrrrrry close to The Impassable Reaches, though not quite crossing. That's right - having sex with a human being that doesn't fall within the popular, narrow view of sexuality is more kinky and perverse than being a "Human Ashtray," engaging in "Anal Fisting," or getting into "Speculums" in a big way. (Well, technically they'd get into - ...never mind.)

The objective of this post isn't to shame anyone's sexual preferences. Whatever you like is fine by me. I just resent the fetishization of intersex individuals, thereby making sex with them something forbidden, to hide and conceal. We're PEOPLE. Even more reprehensibly, Veaux draws transsexual individuals into this game, too, citing only a subset of all transgender individuals.

In sum, this thing gets a big boo all around. Maybe next time, Veaux should make a map to help him pull his head out of his ass instead instead of trying to map humor onto plain ol', played-out discrimination. So uncreative. (Plus side? If he does make that map, he likely knows about lube, which would help him in that endeavor. Fun!)

Caster Semenya Cast Away to Olympic Sex and Gender Police

2009-10-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

Just when you think we’ve had enough intersex controversy after the Lady Gaga exploitation… It appears targeting popstars isn’t enough. Now we’re moving on to Olympic athletes.

I understand that this is now “old news”…which is part of the reason I want to talk about it now. I resisted covering this story during the height of the media craze to see how things might’ve played out before posting, but in the last few weeks, it seems to have died and fizzled.

Here’s another reminder that even if the media craze over Semenya is over, this experience is very likely not over for Semenya herself. Monday morning’s morbid curiosity will be played-out and boring by Friday afternoon, but I can’t imagine that Semenya will not think about (and react strongly to) her Games experiences for every Mondays, Fridays – and every other day of the week – for years and decades and quarter-centuries to come. That’s a pretty weighty thing to behold.

A brief recap for those who may not have followed the news hype: The sex of Caster Semenya from South Africa, the track-and-field Olympian, was called into question after she apparently shaved ample time off her training record within a few short months. After blasting the competition and breaking the former world record, the IAAF (governing body for the Games rules) publicly called her gender into question. Their stated rationale was that a runner could not have improved so quickly in such a short amount of time. They somehow found it most logical that the reason must be that Semenya’s not REALLY a woman. (I was interested that if they suspected something, they didn’t jump to drug testing, much more prevalent in Olympic history than intersexed individuals competing.) Semenya underwent a battery of extensive tests – gynecological, endocrine, psychological, histological (of internal tissue samples, apparently, to determine whether testicular tissue was present) to determine her sex. Early test results indicated heightened testosterone levels; later results showed that Semenya possessed undescended testes. (Although, ignore the title and inaccurate mention of Semenya as a "hermaphrodite" in that last link. Ugh.) It is unclear whether the IAAF will revoke Semenya’s medal, or whether she will be allowed to compete in future Games.

There are many, MANY troubling aspects to this entire ordeal – some which have been openly criticized, others which have not come to much public light. If the IAAF felt it was necessary for Semenya to undergo testing, they should most definitely not have made their sensationalist announcement publicly; this should have been done quietly and privately, and with Semenya’s consent. Instead, they shocked the world by outing her as a potential freak of a human – but who could be more shocked than Semenya, hearing this news fresh along with the rest of the globe? I cannot imagine how stigmatizing and hurtful this must have been for her, and am appalled that IAAF felt that their press release was appropriate. They should be absolutely ashamed of themselves. (Although it’s telling that, nearly two months later, they have not apologized to Semenya.)

Speaking of consent, it was also sham-consent that Semenya proffered in the chances of keeping her Olympic gold. Technically, her name was signed to a bunch of medical forms and IAAF statements, I’m sure, but her alternatives were “Undergo invasive testing after a highly public, global scandal” or “Lose the epitome of everything I’ve worked hard for.” Her hands were tied; she couldn’t truly consent. Way to go, IAAF.

Additionally, WHY did IAAF feel it was “necessary” for Semenya to undergo testing in the first place? What could have spurred them to believe that Semenya’s gender identity did not match up with her sex? (Many intersex individuals would beat me senseless at this point for phrasing that last sentence the way I did; I assure you this will be the subject of future posts.) I tried to find accounts that perhaps an individual noticed atypical genital form in a changing room, or someone with X-ray vision could see vas Deferens hiding out in her pelvic cavity. There were no such accounts. This is because the IAAF fell trap to narrow, stereotypic views of what a female should look like and what she can accomplish. Simply, IAAF felt her angular jaw and curtailed finish-time were proof enough that Semenya couldn’t be a woman. A woman couldn’t possibly fall so far outside a Western ideal of beauty. (Never mind that she’s South African. Don’t consider that perhaps global beauty standards aren’t toe-in-line with Western standards. What a silly notion!) A woman couldn’t possibly improve so much without some sort of a “boost.” (It is unclear how a vast improvement might be interpreted if this track-and-field event was a men’s event; would Semenya have endured the same criticism? That a man couldn’t possibly improve so much so quickly? Or, in reverse: Would a man whose performance had decreased rapidly over a few months be accused of not being a man? Would the IAAF have publicly announced that the man wasn’t simply a slacker, a victim of health problems, etc., but was perhaps a woman?) If Semenya had conformed to Western beauty standards, even with her drastic performance increase, I am unsure the IAAF would have placed the question mark (or perhaps, more fittingly, a scarlet “I” in their exploitation of intersexed) next to Semenya’s name.

Drawing parallels to the Lady Gaga debacle, there has been huge confusion in this case as Semenya having “come out” as interesex in the end, after all. Semenya has NOT “come out.” Coming out is an intentioned choice, one that should be authentic to your desires and an empowering (though often, simultaneously terrifying) act. Semenya has been publicly EXPLOITED – a far cry from said coming out. Additionally, a subtly different flavor of exploitation has been taken on in Semenya’s case, versus Lady Gaga’s, because it was assumed by the media that Lady Gaga deliberately chose to keep private that she was intersex, transgender, the big marshmallow man at the end of Ghostbusters, or whatever else they tried to ascribe to her on scant “evidence.” That, of course, led to the hunt to find evidence confirming the deep, dark (and apparently, shameful) truth about Lady Gaga’s sex and gender. The difference in Semenya’s case is that Semenya herself, and those closest to her, have maintained before and after the test results came out that Semenya is a woman, and therefore she wasn’t “hiding” anything, taking the exploitation bit to a whole new level. Athletics South African president Leonard Cheune also strongly supported Semenya: “I will continue to defend the girl, I will continue to do anything, even if I am to be kicked out of Berlin, Germany, but I am not going to let that girl be humiliated in the manner that she was humiliated because she has not committed a crime whatsoever. Her crime was to be born the way she is born.” (Emphasis added.) Absolutely heartbreaking quotes include her father, Jacob’s: “She is my little girl. I raised her and I have never doubted her gender. She is a woman and I can repeat that a million times.”

Jacob’s use of the word “gender” and not “sex,” I think, perfectly encapsulates another very important aspect of this problem. The IAAF wanted clarification on Semenya’s sex, not her gender. Semenya’s gender was known all along – by Semenya herself. I couldn’t find any IAAF contentions with Semenya’s gender identity, only with her sex. Even though they didn’t question her sex outright before she competed, even though her increased performance was known beforehand? I doubt the IAAF realized the repercussions forcing individuals to submit to tests for sex could potentially have on their gender identities. Having your world rocked by gender dysphoria is not fun, from my own experiences. And really – was it okay for the IAAF to question Semenya’s sex AFTER-THE-FACT, after her medal was won? Especially based on tenuous observations? The whole ordeal is a disgusting mess.

I think it’s fantastic that Semenya, post-testing, is unwilling to let her medical examiners, the IAAF, or anyone else tell her what her gender identity is – something only she can know and assert. “God made me the way I am, and I accept myself. I am who I am and I’m proud of myself.” (Emphasis mine.) On the flip side, it’s not duty to defend her gender to the world. That’s her business, and that shouldn’t be questioned, or need to be defended. It’s a sad commentary on her experience that she was (directly or indirectly) spurred to do this. Again, ugh.

And that isn’t all. The You magazine photo-shoot response after the test results made me see red. I was like, “First Semenya has to defend herself as woman to the IAAF, and now she has to prove it by getting all gussied up in stereotypical Western female attire? Are you fucking kidding me?!” But Semenya isn’t buying into the bull. “I didn’t do this to prove a point, but rather to have fun…I don’t give a damn what people say about me.” Caster Semenya is a total badass.

In closing thoughts, Semenya isn’t the first intersex Olympian to have competed in the Games, nor will she be the last. Depending, IAAF officials don’t have any problems giving individuals with certain intersex conditions the a-okay. For example, the intersex condition I have – complete androgen insensitivity syndrome (CAIS) – is characterized, in part, by the inability to use the testosterone my body makes. The little molecular hands that should grab onto the testosterone couldn’t do it, and so I developed hyper-feminine features, although sans uterus, ovaries, etc. (See two blog posts back for more information!) If I actually had the athletic talent (I don’t), I would have been able to compete in the Games without the harassment and sensationalization incurred by Semenya. In fact, several intersex individuals competed in Atlanta. So, while some intersex individuals may compete in future games (WITHOUT having their sex and gender identities aired publicly, and without consent), is it possible that a situation like Semenya’s may be endured by future athletes, whose dreams include only Olympic gold and not a search for their potentially hidden gonads? Will they lose their medals? Will Semenya? More importantly, what other costs might they bear in undergoing such a trial? I’m not sure what to expect for future intersex competitors, but I’m unconvinced the IAAF received enough flack to prevent this from happening again. (Awesomely notable exception: The Irish Times. Flutter.)

We'll just have to wait and see in the aftermath.

Stay Tuned for Post on Caster Semenya!

2009-08-21T23:57:00.000-07:00

Hello, all. If you haven't heard, the IAAF (International Amateur Athletic Federation, governing body for the Olympic Games) publicly announced that investigations are under way to determine if Olympic track and field winner, Caster Semenya of South Africa, might be intersex since her performance results in the past few months of training have improved so drastically.

I have been following this issue closely, and have a LOT to say, but I can't devote the time this post deserves until after I take my qualifying exam (required for my Ph.D. program). Although I'm sure you can all hazard a guess as to which thing I would rather be doing, as I'm on Blogger at 3am, right?... ;)

Expect a post sometime on Thursday or Friday evening of this coming week! Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Queers United Blog Comments On Its Controversial Lady Gaga Post

2009-08-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

Hello, Queers United! Thank you for commenting on my last post, since it was largely about your portrayal of Lady Gaga. I have decided to comment in a new blog, because I think it’s important that readers see where you were coming from, and also how some members of the intersex community may feel about your motivations.

The following comment you provided is below:

I did say it was uncomfirmed and that the quote was rumor until we could find a source. I put a question mark on the post because until Lady Gaga announces it we are all speculating. It would be great for the intersex community if she were a visible spokesperson. I suspect she isn't intersex because she used twitter to say "suck my hermy dick" which she is probably just capitalizing on the fame on not actually IS. I hope to do more intersex coverage that is positive, this article wasn't a good one, please look to my numerous others. Do you have any suggestions on how I can be a better advocate for intersex?

I understand that your title, “Lady Gaga Comes Out as Intersexed?” has a question mark at the end. However, your first sentence follows up that question mark with the following: “Pop star sensation Lady Gaga surprised her millions of fans by parading on stage without an [sic] underwear showing that she is intersex and has male and female genitalia.” Emphasis mine. Later, you state, “If indeed Lady Gaga is intersexed and this is not a rumor…” (emphasis mine). Huh? I thought you already stated she was intersex. In short, your title and your text contradicts one another, and serves only to confuse the reader. If you want readers to keep an open mind and assume that you haven’t agreed with unconfirmed quotes and statements, that needs to be made clear.

No, it would not be great for the intersex community if Lady Gaga was a spokesperson. The reason for that is because there is no evidence that she “came out.” Coming out is a willful, intentioned choice made by a person when they are ready to do so. Pulling down the skirt that accidentally rode up during a performance, and then suffering an onslaught of media speculation as to Gaga’s sex and gender identity is THE FARTHEST THING FROM COMING OUT POSSIBLE. This incident should be called what it is – not a coming out – but an exploitation and sensationalization of intersex and transgender individuals.

Now, if Lady Gaga were to have decided to TRULY come out – to make a formal statement that she was, in fact, intersex, transgender, whatever – and she was proud of who she was despite historical discrimination against people whose bodies and/or identities fall outside the standard-accepted norm, then I think she would be a great spokesperson. Rock on, Lady Gaga! Great for you! But since she has clearly not done so, it is extremely misguided and dangerous to expect that it is now Lady Gaga’s due to represent the respective group of people to which she may or may not identify. It is unclear why Queers United would assume Lady Gaga would want to be “the face of intersexed” in the first place. With her “quote” rampant over the internet and her video posted just alongside it, I’d say that Lady Gaga’s own wishes and desires are clearly not being taken into account.

I would have to agree that she likely isn’t intersex not because of her apparent Tweet (assuming she, in fact, wrote that as well!) because her supposed quote is completely biologically inaccurate. I refer you back to my original post as to why her stated morphology isn’t humanly possible. If she were truly an intersex person (or even a person who is intersex-aware), she would never have made such a cleary untrue statement.

To further discuss her Tweet, do you really believe that “suck my hermy dick” is a blatant attention-catching phrase screaming, “LOOK AT ME! I’LL SAY ANYTHING FOR SOME ATTENTION, EVEN IF I HAVE TO LIE!”? Have you, perhaps, considered that Lady Gaga is possibly feeling outraged and violated? (And reasonably so.) Lady Gaga is already famous. Does someone already with “millions of fans,” in no danger of losing them at the moment, need to pull a publicity stunt that would sensationalize themselves and implicate the morbidly-fascinated gazes of millions more? This is victim-blaming at its finest. Lady Gaga’s personal life, which NO ONE has the right to comment on or announce, has been made into a circus show without her consent, and somehow this is of her own doing? If she wanted to announce herself as intersex/trans for the sake of attention and not awareness, one would imagine she would simply flaunt her genitals, karyotype and hormone level readouts, body hair, etc. for all to see. Lady Gaga’s skirt rode up. She pulled it down in a seemingly quite quick and discreet manner, and has not referenced that moment throughout the rest of her performance or afterward, perhaps until her Tweet. Those are not actions of an attention-seeker. Stop victim-blaming Lady Gaga.

I, too, would be thrilled if Queers United covered intersex issues in a positive way, that reflected both the biological realities of intersex individuals and respect and concern for intersex individuals’ experiences – both of which your post failed to do. I have several suggestions as to how Queers United can be better intersex advocates:

1) Read some literature to understand what intersex anatomy and physiology is. I included a few links in my previous post, and have many more links prepared for my next two posts, but if you would like some pointers as to where to go, I would be more than happy to do this for you. (There’s far too many essentials to list right here.)

2) Do not confuse intersex individuals with hermaphrodites. While some animals qualify as hermaphrodites, humans do not.

3) Read more literature about intersex experiences, health concerns, etc. There is a lot of shame many intersex people feel from families, physicians, etc. because they do not feel as though they belong. You cannot understand how hurtful media coverage like this is unless you have a glimpse into the deeply-entrenched, long-standing shame and confusion intersex individuals often feel about themselves, how they relate to their world, and what their place is in it. Testimonials are your friend.

4) Read about clinical issues faced by intersex individuals. It’s not a simple “identity crisis” problem – that’s completely reductionist. The fact is that unnecessary genital surgeries (“gender assignment surgeries”) both for “cosmetic reasons” and to ensure “a normal sex life” are being performed often without consent by the intersex individuals or their families and/or with lack of information as to why the surgeries are performed and what purpose they serve. In truth, many of these surgeries seek to “normalize” external genitalia, but the results often don’t closely resemble un-surgeried “normal” genitals anyway. Additionally, such normalization often includes removing the enlarged clitoris/small penis, which also removes nerves necessary for orgasm. How normal can sex be if orgasm is an impossibility? Urging one to undergo surgery on the internal portions of genitalia also assume heterosexual intercourse; intersex individuals that choose not to have penetrative sex have had surgery, then, for naught. There are many issues about genital surgeries that I will discuss in future posts, but it is necessary to understand. (And surgeries aside, there may be problems with bone health as age progresses, as well as other tentative health concerns that have not been well-researched as of yet.)

5) Engage with other intersex individuals, and invite more of them to contribute to Queers United. I suspect that you must not have many, if any, intersex people actively working on blog posts, because I cannot imagine that any intersex individual on Queers United would have allowed that post to be published.

6) Do not blame victims that clearly didn’t bring undue and scandalous media attention on themselves. Do not try to justify it. It is simply not justifiable.

7) Write articles that do not exploit intersex individuals. You assert you’ve written “numerous other” articles that were not discriminatory against intersex individuals, but as activists and advocates, it is unacceptable to write ANY discriminatory article. You may have written the most fair and nuanced awareness pieces to have ever been written about intersex people, but that does not mean that you are above criticism when your posts undo the good work your blog tries to accomplish. You are not entitled to write shitty, unfair articles just because you feel you have some good ones in your crown.

Thank you again for reading, Queers United. I hope that this was helpful, and that we won’t see any more posts of this nature from you in the future. Lady Gaga, your readers, and transgender and intersex individuals everywhere deserve an apology.

Not So Gaga Over Lady Gaga Sensationalism...

2009-08-16T23:59:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone. I am currently in hiding for the next few weeks, preparing for horrid exams I have to take by the summer’s end. (Ah, the joys of graduate school…) I already had topics planned out for the next two posts, but I had to derail my plans for a moment and write a quick blog in consideration of all of the Lady Gaga brouhaha going on. [Ssh! Just don’t tell my advisor! I should be studying… ;) ]

Apparently, a tape of a recent Lady Gaga performance shows her, at 1:10, dismounting from the bright red motorcycle she was sitting on while singing. At about 1:14, Gaga pulls her skirt down, as it’s ridden up too high. (Don’tcha just hate that?) So what, right? While uncomfortable, this isn’t (or at least shouldn’t be) news. The brouhaha comes about because Lady Gaga’s genitals are partially exposed for a brief moment since she wasn’t wearing underwear, and some viewers have asserted her genitals appear penile in form. The Queers United blog explains the footage by proclaiming that Lady Gaga is actually intersex, and lists a quote from her, stating that she’s not ashamed to be intersex, having both female and male genitalia.

Um. WHAT?! Does this honestly make any sense to anyone? (Sadly, the answer is yes.)

I call bullshit on the Queers United post for several reasons. First of all, Lady Gaga’s quote can’t possibly be true, because intersex-aware people know that “intersex” does NOT equal “hermaphrodite.” The quote, specifically cites Gaga possessing both female and male external genitalia, and the language leads one to assume this means a penis and a vagina, each of normal form. (“I have both a poon and a peener. Big [fucking] deal.”) However, the penis and clitoris, and the scrotum and the labia, respectively, are derived from the same developmental tissue, so it’s impossible for humans to possess both sets of “male” and “female” external genitals. That being said, there is a highly variable range of external genitalia an intersexed individual may possess, from ambiguous genitals, to a micropenis, an enlarged clitoris, to not having a vagina at all, or even to having genitals we’d immediately register as “normal” male or female varieties. Which leads us to remember that external genital form isn’t the sole diagnostic characteristic of intersex individuals. Intersex individuals may have one or a combination of external genitals, internal sex organs, hormone levels, collection of chromosomes (or karyotype), musculature, bone structure, secondary sexual traits (e.g., breasts, body hair distribution) that are atypical according to “male” and “female” standards. A person is considered intersexed when they possess at least one such atypical trait (e.g., an individual has a line down the back of their penis, with no other atypical characteristics) or a suite of traits that, when paired together, are considered atypical (e.g., a person with seemingly large, penis-like clitoris, scrotum-like labia, XX chromosomes, and a deep voice, as might be exhibited in some individuals with Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia). For a website that is supposedly an activist blog discussing, in part, “intersexual” issues, the poster(s) seem(s) to be largely unaware of what may or may not constitute an intersex individual.

Second of all, why would one immediately grab their megaphones and yell, “INTERSEX!” when viewing Lady Gaga’s genitals? The brief moment of footage doesn’t allow one to see much. Even if some viewers are comfortable stating Gaga’s genitals appeared penile, how does translate into an intersexed classification? Can one supposedly see both full sets of external genitals, as Gaga’s questionable quote claims she possesses? If one takes on a biologically accurate view of intersex, can one see any atypical genital forms discussed above? Can one use their X-ray vision and assess Lady Gaga’s hormone levels or karyotype? Or her muscle and bone structure? Even if we (inaccurately) decide to go just on external genitalia, I don’t think even carrot addicts with 20-20 vision could positively ID Gaga as intersex in that footage.

Finally, if Lady Gaga has decided to announce that she’s intersex in mainstream media, why do we see no other statements in other news and literature sources? As Lisa astutely points out, there isn’t even any mention of her announcing herself as intersex on her official blog – one place you’d surely think she’d address the video and her quote. It’s hard to believe anyone opening with “It’s not something I’m ashamed of…” would remain zip-lipped to anyone but apparently Queers United. I take the stance of Incredible Shrinking Phallus and Lisa from Questioning Transphobia: whether or not Lady Gaga is intersex, transgender, a flying pink elephant, or anything else, it is none of our business unless Gaga chooses to share that with us. And from where we’re sitting right now, it’s highly dubious she’s choosing to do just that. And more importantly, it’s HER RIGHT to do or not do so.

Overall, I’m appalled that Queer United would create posts containing highly questionable quotes and fundamental biologically inaccuracies. But most of all, I’m angry that the post served to sensationalize Lady Gaga herself and intersex individuals by presenting it as a juicy tidbit of gossip, and not addressing her experiences as a person who is intersexed, trans, etc. It's absolutely horrid to think that this experience may force Lady Gaga to address such a personal issue that doesn't concern anyone else. How can activist sites generate awareness about issues of interest to effect positive change by spreading misinformation and dramatizing the reality of many individuals’ lives? This entire thing is just a shame.

Thanks to Feministing for first alerting me to this issue!

I've Touched and Seen What I Don't Have.

2009-07-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

I am taking a Gross Anatomy course this summer. That’s right, I voluntarily signed up to dissect human bodies instead of enjoying the lovely weather for most of June, July, and August. (Well, semi-voluntarily. It’s required for my Ph.D. program – eep!) Dissection has been going well so far. I’m learning a lot, and am not nearly as emotional as I feared I would be cutting human flesh. (Sounds creepy, I know. But keep reading.) This is because my cadaver, once a human being in life, is no longer a human; it is simply the body that has been left behind. This person donated her body specifically for the purpose of dissection. She wanted to give my class the gift of her body after she, herself, was gone. What remains is a cohesive mass of molecules made up of carbon, nitrogen, sulfur, phosphorus, hydrogen, etc., slowly degrading (slower still, due to use of formalin preservatives). Eventually, just like all living things, her body won’t be housed as a single collection of particles anymore, for each particle will become something else, participating fully in the circle of life. It will be water. It will be air. It might be a mighty redwood. It could be a rainbow trout. Her body will be, eventually, part of an innumerous number of organic things, just as her body was, in its past lives, innumerous organic things as well. But until her body fully makes this transition, it is my group’s cadaver. I thought that I would feel guilty that I was performing heinous acts on a person; instead, I simply feel grateful to this body’s former owner, that she gave me the gift to see the locations, inside, where all of our own lives are lived.

That isn’t to say that I haven’t had any problems dissecting, though. Dissecting the hands was very difficult for me. (It is pretty fucked up to see your own hands cutting another set of hands, even though you know those hands cannot feel anymore. I had to leave the room for that one.) The face was also a little bit difficult (although not as much as the hands, inexplicably). And the abdomen – the abdomen – is frighteningly messy, and I felt I was going to be sick a few times. Today, though, I had a new kind of difficulty dissecting that wasn’t steeped, this time, in revulsion or shock value. It was steeped in longing, in wistfulness.

Because I saw the female reproductive system today.

I have androgen insensitivity syndrome (AIS). Complete AIS, to be exact. This means that although I have normal-looking external female genitalia, I was born with no uterus, no ovaries, no Fallopian tubes, no female internal sex organs of any kind. I have XY chromosomes, so by the kind of chromosomes alone I possessed, I would normally have developed into a male. In the womb, all fetuses start out female. Female is “default”; if the fetus is destined to be a male, it develops male sex organs. These male sex organs develop due to the influence of androgens, or male sex hormones. (Think testosterone.) Males and females both possess “female” (e.g., estrogen) and “male” (e.g., testosterone) sex hormones – they just produce them in different quantities, with females making more estrogen (along with other female hormones we don’t want to get into right now) and males making more testosterone. Since the fetus is being supplied by the mother’s blood, and the mother’s blood contains low levels of testosterone, fetuses with XY chromosomes start to partially develop testes by pirating mom’s testosterone. (“Thanks, Mom!”) Eventually, the fetus will be able to make its own hormones. When this happens, XY-fetuses’ testosterone will finish the job, fully forming testes, the penis, testes, scrotum – the whole nine yards. (Although hopefully its length doesn’t end up to be nine yards – GAH! *faints*) Therefore, I developed no female internal sex organs, although I had partially developed male testes.

Why partially developed? Well, complete AIS is characterized by a mutation on the X chromosome that causes the fetus’s androgen receptors to malfunction. (Appropriately enough, the gene affected is the “AR” gene, or androgen receptor gene.) So, I received testosterone from mom’s blood enough to partially form testes, and I was eventually able to make my own hormones, including normally-formed testosterone in typical quantities for a male fetus. All good so far! But in order for hormones to affect the body, the body must have the machinery to be able to use them. The machinery to do this is “receptors.” Receptors are also molecules, just like your hormones themselves. Both your hormones and your receptors have specific shapes. Your hormones are able to do work after they are grabbed onto by a receptor. The receptor, after grabbing the hormone, will send out a signal to the body to do something specific. In this case, my testosterone molecules would normally have been grabbed by my androgen receptors, and my androgen receptors would’ve said, “All right body, we’re all good here. Let’s finish off these testes and start up on a penis. Over.” And my body would’ve said, “Roger that,” and development would’ve progressed in the garden-variety way. Instead, the mutation on my X chromosome rendered my androgens unable to properly grab onto the testosterone molecules my fetal body was so diligently making. The testosterone was there, and ready, and my receptors just weren’t able to do their trick. So no signal got sent out to my body to say, “We’ve got a future male, here! Get a move on!” Instead it said, “Well, I know we’ve got partially formed testes and all, but I don’t think this male thing is really happening. I guess we’ll just do the best we can with the hormones that are still working.” And those hormones that were still working were the female ones – the estrogens. Ironically, because estrogens were the only sex hormones that were able to work, my body developed in a “hyper-feminine” way. There was no testosterone to stop my estrogens from going all-out, and so they indeed went all-out. This is why people with complete AIS generally have a “voluptuous body type,” including large breasts, large hips, female musculature, and delicate bone structure. And, since testosterones aren’t working, this is also why people with complete AIS rarely get pimples (since testosterone regulates how much oil is released by glands in this skin…too much oil creates a perfect environment for pimples to form). Complete AIS individuals also don't have a lot of body hair at the armpits, legs, and pubic region, which may grow slowly as well. (Let's be honest - it pretty much rocks not to have to shave much, if you even choose to do so!)

So my body is hyper-female. Most places. Externally, my vulva looks completely normal. Normal lips (both sets), normal clit. Fine. Inside, however, things are atypical. See, male sex organs and female sexual organs are created from the same developmental tissue. Internally, my body had already started to create testes. When my own body couldn’t complete the testes (or start in on the ductus deferens and all that fun stuff) it just stopped making anything. If my testes hadn’t started developing, it’s possible a uterus, ovaries, Fallopian tubes, etc. would’ve formed. However, humans can’t develop both sets of internal (or external) sex organs...this is why intersex individuals are not referred to as hermaphrodites. (Hermaphrodites either possess both sets of sex organs at the same time, both of which are fully functioning OR they possess one set of sex organs at a time, but can develop one or another at different times in their life cycles. Some animals are true hermaphrodites, but humans are not. In some of the medical literature, though, doctors refer to intersex people as “pseudohermaphrodites.” While that’s better than going with “hermaphrodite,” it’s generally regarded as a highly offensive term. Referring to individuals as “intersex” is acceptable right now, without any additional qualifiers. Leave well-enough alone!) So, since my internal sex organs were already fated to be “male” but couldn’t keep developing, they just stopped developing. I couldn’t pick up where I left off and continue developing female internal sex organs, nor could I scrap my semi-testes and start over. It was game over at this point. However, since my external sex organs hadn’t developed yet, they could develop as female, normally and uninterrupted.

At least from the outside. The trick is that inside, the vagina normally leads up into the uterus, with the cervix as the junction in-between. I didn’t develop a uterus for those reasons mentioned above (as my partially-formed testes stole the show). That means that on the inside, my vagina doesn’t lead up into…well, anything. It is a “blind-ended” vagina – a vagina that ends in a pouch of soft tissue, to seal it off from the rest of my abdominal cavity. (Which, given the alternatives, I’m really, REALLY grateful for. If you’re unsure what I mean, look up “prolapse” – just DON’T image search! You’ll need brain bleach for sure.) This also means that my vagina is shorter, about 2/3 the length that my vagina, internally, would’ve otherwise been. Normally, the internal vaginal canal ranges from about 6-12 inches long, although there’s certainly human variation there – some shorter, some longer. (If your vagina’s length inside isn’t at a minimum of about 6in, doctors often suggest vaginoplasties, or surgeries to lengthen your vaginal canal. The purpose of doing this is to ensure that you’ll have “normal sex.” This assumes, though that the intersexed person will be having penetrative sex {which also assumes heteronormativity…not cool}. Additionally, if you’re on the lower end and don’t opt for surgery, your vagina will lengthen once you begin having sex. But we’ll have separate discussions on surgeries and sexual practice later – this post can’t be packed with any more technical info lest it burst at the seams. You don’t want me to break Teh Internets, do you?)

In short, I don’t have sex organs typical of either males or females, although they’re certainly a hell of a lot closer to the female form. And today was the first time I felt like I was really missing out on something.

I’ve always felt that not having a period or having to worry about pregnancy were absolute positives. I’m not a big fan of either bleeding uncontrollably, or spending time with children, so missing out on these things were a-okay with me. But I questioned myself while doing the dissections. Because now I’ve seen and touched the parts of the body that I do not have but have felt (in that past) that I should. I held the uterus in my hands. I marveled at how impossibly tiny it was, and how it somehow managed to hold a several-pound fetus in there. (“It’s pure magic!” one of my TAs exclaimed. I’m with her on that one.) The ovaries, which never large in my mind, were still smaller than I expected as well. Looking safe and protected, nestled in a few layers of tissue. But the oviducts were what really got me. In junior high health class, picturing of an ovum traveling down the oviduct, I could hear foreboding music a la the beginning of Star Wars (the “Mars” movement of The Planets, by Gustav Holst...a seriously good work). “Oh, no, here comes the egg! This is your warning: DON’T GET PREGNANT.” I expected some hardcore, no-nonsense structure – just a thick, firm canal – taking the egg to its resting place to be fertilized or shed (in that lovely ritual called menstruation). But it wasn’t. It was actually beautiful. It was a pretty thick canal, but it wasn’t ridiculously firm, and it didn’t end bluntly in a no-nonsense way. It opened up into a funnel-shape, with all of these little protuberances coming out from the funnel. Sort of like a cornucopia with little arms that go all the way around. When an ovary releases an egg, the oviduct’s funnel sucks up part of the ovary and the little arms hold it in place, to ensure that the egg gets deposited in the duct. (The egg rarely goes other places since this method is so efficient, although it happens sometimes.)

Looking at the female sex organs, I questioned whether I had really missed out on something. Besides the bleeding. Besides the possibility (and sometimes worry) of pregnancy. Since I identify as female much of the time, I still sometimes feel that I’m an “almost-but-not-quite-female” [once again, another topic for another post ;) ] and connecting with the female form reminded me of this again today. That only partially described my feelings, though, and the part it described was relatively smaller. It just didn’t totally ring true for me. I stared at the structures, and tried to identify why else I felt this way, but nothing came. It wasn’t until I looked around at my classmates, amiably moving from table to table, pointing and identifying, that it clicked. Staring at the female form, I felt like I missed out on feeling “whole” – well, not so much “whole” as “wholly typical” – of having an easy, 1-2-3 sexual and gender identity. Which I did. Watching my fellow students in lab, I thought, “These women can look at some of these bodies and see all the structures that they have inside. These men can look at the rest of the bodies and also see all the structures that they have inside. There are no bodies here that, inside, look like me. What do I really look like inside?” I felt wistful. I walked around to all of the other bodies, hoping that one of them might exhibit some atypical form that more closely mirrored my own. Because the one thing – if nothing else – I have learned in taking this Gross Anatomy course is that structures, common structures, you hear about all the time, that you think you know and understand, look and feel nothing like you have envisioned. You are shocked to realize you didn’t know them at all before, really. They blow your expectations right out of the water. I knew I had no uterus. I knew I had no ovaries, no Fallopian tubes, no vaginal canal neatly leading up into the cervix, with a blind pouch instead. But I knew that I wouldn’t know what I looked like inside unless I actually saw it, in physical form, right in front of me. I tried staring at the female body, to mentally subtract away all the structures I didn’t have, but I knew that whatever I pictured would fall painfully short of the reality of my form. And I wanted to know. I wanted to see. I was jealous that these other students could identify with their like-sex bodies (assuming no other students were intersexed, or transgendered), could see themselves through the lens of someone else. After today, I still don’t know what I really look like inside, and that frustrates me to no end.

(And additionally, it was interesting I felt this way viewing only the female and not the male bodies. But again, a discussion for another time.)

Most of the time, I don’t emotionally trap myself into feeling bad because I’m not “100% Anatomically & Physiologically Normal Female” or “100% A&P Normal Male” – something I will never be. Conversely, this experience helped me realize that I won’t be able to connect with my body’s unusual form simply by studying human bodies that are of typical form. While I’m more comfortable now falling somewhere along the sexual continuum, the desire to identify is still just as important to me as ever – maybe even moreso now that I’ve gained some peace, having mostly traded in self-delusion for self-acceptance. Now I’m hungry for self-knowledge. I realize that in order to do get that, I absolutely need to see bodies of people like me. There are just some exceptions you simply can’t make.

What's Up With This Blog?

2009-07-05T08:13:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone! Whether you sought out this site or unintentionally linked to it (and found yourself saying "Huh? Intersexed what?!"), WELCOME! This blog serves a few functions:

1) Education and awareness of intersex conditions (e.g., what kinds of conditions there are, how many there are, characteristics of each condition, etc.)

2) Education and awareness of intersex experiences (e.g., testimonies in addressing intersex with clinicians, family members,friends, lovers; identity and perception {of self, of others, and by self}; emotional landscape of intersex people or their loved ones, doctors, etc.)

3) Introduction to intersex organizations and events, support groups, etc.

4) Address how intersex is depicted, explained, and perceived in mainstream media (e.g., in fictional television, in books, on talk-shows, etc.)

Despite the fact that I've known I am intersex since I was 14, I have not explored it nearly as much as I intend to. The general sentiment expressed by my clinicians was that my condition was not simply private, but something that should never be discussed - ever. By anyone, to anyone, for any reason outside our family. PRETEND YOU ARE NORMAL AT ALL COSTS. This meant to go so far as to bring tampons to college when I had absolutely no use for them, don super-femme dress and makeup and jewelry for the every day (failed miserably!), and bemoan my menstural cycle with other female classmates. (With that last one turning out a little bit 40 Year Old Virgin-esque. ME: "Yeah, periods suck! My insides feel like...um, a bag of sand?" FRIENDS: "O.o")

I can't completely fault my clinicians for this, because most "conditions" are private matters. (Are you really going to confide in your barista all the messy details of your diagnosed digestive issues? Didn't think so.) A lot of it could perhaps have been in the spirit of for-your-own-good-ness. But hearing time and time again that WHAT YOU ARE must never be spoken of made me feel monstrous and shameful of my condition. I was a closeted freak. I would never find romantic love, because how could I tell a future partner? I would never know if I would truly gain acceptance from my whole family, because only my nuclear family knew I was intersex. I wasn't sure how to perceive myself, how to act in public, how to dress, which bathroom to use...but couldn't explain my bizarre actions to anyone. When you are so uncomfortable with your body and sense of self, you just shut down. You tell yourself lies about who and what you are to make yourself feel better. Feel that you have a place in society, have a well-worn path to travel down in which your role has already been pre-planned for you.

Well, the well-worn path is crap. It's not fun, and I hate it. It's less a path and more a crater, swallowing you up and banishing all of your individuality to a dark corner to die. Each person is a collection of traits - some of them contradict each other, and many of them don't conform to our perceived stereotypes. ("THAT'S your favorite hobby?! But a gentleman/lady/elementary school educator/secretary/neurosurgeon/sex worker/florist doesn't do that!") These are some of the most beautiful qualities a person possesses - those that don't necessarily match up to your expectations, that (after the shock settles in) seem to embody that person most. Now I realize that, as an intersex person, it's kind of liberating not having a path to follow. But this liberation is more theoretical than actualized since I look like a female, and am thus expected to generally conform to my perceived gender role.

But more on that later. ;)

The reason I share this information is that due to the shame imposed by secrecy, I never fully explored my condition and the dozens of others under the intersex umbrella. What they mean. What our bodies are like. What medical complications we have now, or might in the future. How we feel about ourselves, others, and our societal perceptions. Now that I've come to accept my intersex, I'm trying to more fully integrate it into my life. And part of that process is accruing knowledge and gaining understanding into the biological mechanisms and emotional lives of intersexed individuals, their loved ones, and their clinicians. Through my own process of self- and other- discovery, I hope to accompany you as you start or continue your own process, too. Let's help each other, learn from each other. If there's anything to take away from intersex, it's to challenge your assumptions and explore other viewpoints. Intersex has helped me become more open-minded in this way.

My posts will likely be sporadic and of varying length - some just a few words with a link to an article or website, others long-winded with lots of questions and ideas and opportunity for discourse. I am not promising to update on a particular day, or for a certain number of times per week because I don't want this blog to become a chore, another check off the to-do list. I want each post to come from a desire to write and share. Otherwise, it's gonna be reeeeeeeeeeeally boring for you, too. If I have more time and feel inspired, I might post a lot, and other times might go through a Blogger dry-spell. A little go-with-the-flow will be required.

But isn't that what this blog is all about anyway? ;)

Enjoy!