Today is one of those days where I just look around at everyone and feel unbearably sad and angry that there's no room for me in the system that has been created and we currently uphold today. It's not always easy being intersex, queer, and genderqueer and not feeling bitter sometimes that your identity is not acceptable, not appropriate, not "natural."
Today is one of those days I just want to take a big mallet, smash the arbitrary system that we currently have, and build a nice, bright, shiny, new one that's inclusive and doesn't shame anyone, or hurt anyone, or make anyone feel like they're not worthy of love and happiness and self-worth and living AS HOW THEY TRULY ARE.
Tomorrow might be one of those days where I don't think about all of this so much so that it doesn't cut so deeply and prevent me from focusing on anything that "needs" to get done during the day. But today is not one of those days.
It's unlikely that one person can single-handedly change a system that is so deeply-rooted in our culture. But I can be satisfied in doing my part to change things so that as much good can impact as many individuals as possible. Smiling and fighting even in the face of imminent defeat. (Very Norse mythology-like, huh?)
Today is one of those days the world tells me that I cannot change anything, that it is not even worth trying. Maybe I didn't change the entire world today, but I haven't let it totally break me down, either. And that means something. If I can still fight, I can still affect change in some way, big or small.
Fuck you, system that doesn't make room for me. I won't let you define who I am and who I can and cannot be, even if there's a NO DEVIANTS sign on your clubhouse door.
I choose me, and all others like me, who feel this way, too. We'll hopefully break down your door someday, even if it's long after I'm alive to see it happen.
And when it does? Well, that day will be one of those days when all of those days like today will have been worth it.
...I'm suddenly feeling a little better. <3